Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AIBU?

to think that some mnetters will might have a bick shock

168 replies

Laquitar · 10/08/2011 03:46

when their dcs are teenagers or older?

They might smoke, drink, take drugs and even -horror- decide not to go to university.

Giving them organic strawberries, an early bedtime and storybooks when they are 4yo doesn't guarantee anything.

OP posts:

Report

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/08/2011 08:52

A good parent tries to ensure that during childhood they are given enough skills, health and discipline to make their own choices, learn from their mistakes and negotiate their paths. Those paths however, are not and should not be dictated by the parents.

A well educated, responsible and healthy teenager should have enough skills to CHOOSE their teenage antics and also get themselves out when they've had enough.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 08:59

It is just a question of being open minded. The only life that you can control is your own. When you look at your newborn baby you have no idea what you have got and you are very privileged have them to nurture, guide and encourage for a very short time.
It is lovely when they are small and you are the centre of their universe and 'my mummy says......' is spouted because mother is the expert on everything! By about 8yrs they stop this, in fact you are very lucky if you don't get 'everyone else's parents.........'!

The big mistake is to think that because you want them to be a vegetarian, Christian, Labour Party supporter,who becomes a doctor, lives in the same town and gives you a close relationship with several grandchildren-they won't be a meat eating, atheist who gets an apprenticeship,votes Conservative, emigrates to New Zealand and is gay!
What I can't understand is why this should make a difference to your relationship-they were always going to be their own person. You have to respond to what you have-and not what you planned.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 09:00

If you don't plan it first it makes it much simpler!

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 09:02

I think you have summed it up Starlight-good parenting is about giving them as much choice and options as possible-the ability to open doors e.g. a good education. The choice and options are then up to them.

Pawsnclaws · 12/08/2011 09:18

Ds1 is 8. He told me last week he's never going to drink alcohol because it's disgusting. He's going to own a shop and have seven children. They will live over the shop and I will live in the attic in a room built specially for me.

Ds2 would like to be a postman.

Ds3 displays no current ambition at the moment, but is terrifically interested in pointing to his nappy and asking complete strangers "you see my willy winkle?"

Will check back in a few years and see how that's all going, ok?!

spiderpig8 · 12/08/2011 10:04

Stealthpolarbear-It's hard physically when they are little, and that to some extent gets easier as they get older, but there is more than one kind of 'difficult'.
We live in an 11+ area and we have choice of grammar school, god awful secondary modern or long and expensive bus ride to a mediocre comp.My 10 yr old despite repeatedly being told there are 'no bad schools' and it doesn't matter whether she passes of fails is crying every night about sitting the 11+ because she so much want to pass and go to the same school as her brothers.
you have less and less control over their lives and the influences they are exposed to.Your means or lack of, has more and more impact on your DC and they start to notice they can't go on a £3500 world challenge trip when all their friends are.

Laquitar · 12/08/2011 10:04

@ 'dreadful thread'. Is this the most dreadful thread you have read this week?

thisisyesterday i will just repeat it for the last time: nobody here have said that she doesn't 'bother'. But if it makes you feel better to pretend to yourself that you have read such thing then go ahead.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 11:28

I would love mumblecrumble to come back and say why it is dreadful.
I can't see what is dreadful in saying that DCs have a mind of their own-I would be very worried if they didn't.

Laquitar · 12/08/2011 11:39

I know exotic. Especially this week when there are some really dreadfull threads around.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 11:43

Indeed-you can only be thankful that some MNetters are not Prime Minister!

niceguy2 · 12/08/2011 11:54

A good parent tries to ensure that during childhood they are given enough skills, health and discipline to make their own choices, learn from their mistakes and negotiate their paths. Those paths however, are not and should not be dictated by the parents.

I'm glad someone else thinks like this. It never ceases to amaze me how many MN'ers don't let their kids do anything for fear of making a mistake or their little cherubs may stub their toes.

Bumperlicious · 12/08/2011 11:56

'There are so many posters say 'their parents must be on benefits' . '

I have never seen this on here. I think you are projecting.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 13:39

I have never seen 'their parents must be on benefits either'.

Parents need to let their DCs make their own mistakes-you never learn through someone else's mistakes. A life wrapped in cotton wool 'in case........' is no life.
I agree with niceguy2.

EggyAllenPoe · 12/08/2011 13:44

well, as parental attitude is a predictor of a childs activity when they grow up - YABU

i think it is phenomenally unlikely my DC won't go to university. them organic strawberries have power, you know. my parents would have thought the same, and lo, and behold -4/4 went to university - a surprise? not to anyone.

though i'd be amazed if they never drank smoked or took drugs - when going to university poses so much in the way of an opportunity to do all those things.

EggyAllenPoe · 12/08/2011 13:46

'barbie is a slippery road to cock'

wonders why Mattel never thought of that slogan?<

:P

yaimee · 12/08/2011 15:06

I really went off the rails as a teenager, despite coming from a home where I was treated with nothing but love and respect, where my parents always had time for me, were supportive and only wanted what was best for me.
Even though I behaved horribly until my early 20's, their efforts weren't wasted, because once I was finished being a gobshite rebelling, I was lucky enough to be able to use the qualities that my parents had equip me with earlier on in life to turn my life around, go to university, build a better future for myself and repair my relationship with them.
The difference between me and those who were not nurtured in the same way is that I knew that I had the ability, drive and support to turn my life around, so it was easy for me to do so once I decided to.
It's not really about the organic strawberries, it's just about wanting to do what's best for your child.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 15:49

All the ones that I have known, who went off the rails, managed to get back because they had an upbringing like yaimee's parents. Some DCs are just rebels-if they haven't got a cause they will find one! It is far more difficult to turn your life around if you missed the important building blocks in childhood.

Laquitar · 12/08/2011 17:26

Good and honest post yaimee and a very good point.

I was going to ask Eggy how come she feels so cool about it but now i guess for the reason yaimee gave?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.