to think that some mnetters will might have a bick shock

[Laquitar]

when their dcs are teenagers or older?

They might smoke, drink, take drugs and even -horror- decide not to go to university.

Giving them organic strawberries, an early bedtime and storybooks when they are 4yo doesn't guarantee anything.

[AmongstWomen]

I was a wild teenager. I probably would've been out watching the looting - although possibly not taking part - just for the 'fun' of it . I was bored, frustrated, rebellious and loved a bit of drama in my teens.

I had very respectable, hard working and loving parents.

I was just a rebellious little toerag.

[exoticfruits]

Exactly AmongstWomen-largely down to personality. I wouldn't have been out looting as a teenager-I would have been at home reading a book! Nothing to do with parenting-just me.

[LineRunner]

Is there a German word for 'looking forward enormously to shadenfreude'?

[lionheart]

You mean the organic strawberries and bedtime stories won't innoculate them against the real world?

[PedigreeChump]

Well, since I'm going to be raising someone who will be a mature adult for say 80 of their 100 years, and a troublesome teen for a maximum of 6 of their 100 years, I'm going to instill in them the values, morals, and healthy start that I think will be useful to for the 80 years - rather than just the 6 years. If a part of that is organic fruit and hopes/ambitions for them, so be it.

I was a shitty lying toerag of a teenager. Now I'm not, but I learned a lot from those years about the adult I wanted to be. Isn't that what teenagehood is all about?

[DooinMeCleanin]

I think I'd get a bicker shock if my dc didn't do any of the things on your list. I'd still feel I had failed as a parent if I ever saw them out looting and burning down people's livlihoods. I'd quite literally kick them all the way to the police station and then kick them back again, once the police had finished with them.

There is a huge difference between teenagers getting up to no good in the normal way teens and do and the parents who are allowing their teens out of the house to go looting.

I was a nightmare teen, but I would not have dared to bring stolen or looted goods into my parents house. Nor would I dare go back home if I'd been caughton CCTV burning down shops.

[MightyQuim]

Well I actually think it's more unusual for most teens to have never had a cigarette or tried drugs so those things wouldn't shock me in the slightest - despite the fact I would obviously discourage it. As for university I will try and make sure I have provision for them to go but whether they want to will be up to them.

[Laquitar]

AmongsWomen and exotic thats my experience too. As a child and teenager i had very different personality to my brother. He didn't go off the rails at all, he would choose a book over a party, i would chose the party and the vodka. We had the same parenting, no much money but books and lots love, late nights but afternoon siesta (we were in Spain), organic fruit (my uncle had his own vines and farm). My dd is like me and my mum is looking forward to see me suffering .
I always find it strange when parents don't take personality into account and they are so sure that all their children will turn out to be the same (=the way the parents want them to be). Although a very skillful parent will deal different with the different personalities.

[Laquitar]

Tyler you have asked Meglet a good question.
In my case yes, because i've been wild myself i think i will be very strict with parties and carfew, i know what is out there, i 've seen it, so i will probably be suspicious and anxious when my dcs are teenagers. And as someone earlier said things are moving very fast and the party scene or drugs scene is not what was in our days.

[tethersend]

My DD has the odd organic strawberry, once a week, as a treat.

[Blueberties]

It might happen but it's less likely to if you take care of your children, feed them properly and take an interest in their welfare. It's not utterly random. It's not like a bird poo-ing on you.

So I don't know what the point of the OP is.

[MonkeyJungleConga]

"Show me the boy of 7 and I'll show you the man".

Early input has a HUGE influence on how we turn out IMO. Rebelling teens is merely a phase in most cases and what comes after that is more important and more about who we are as people.

Organic strawberries, reading to them etc are all part of a wider good grounding that sets everyone up for a more successful and healthy adulthood, providing they survive the stupidity of the teen years.

The risks and idiocy often shown by teens is merely natural selection. The final hurdle to cross before reaching adulthood. If our children can manage to get through their reckless teens without jumping to their death off a balcony to impress their mates / taking drugs / smashing themselves up in fast cars then they're pretty much home and dry as far as Mother Nature and basic survival is concerned. I'd be worried if my teens don't go nuts for a bit so long as they don't do anything too stupid and kill themselves.

[Birdsgottafly]

I have never seen MN's saying that their teenagers won't ever do those things, just whilst under their roof, but i do often think that they don't know the compromises that they will make, it isn't like choosing a partner.

I think it terms of drugs/drink, everyone may try them, but the people i see stay on them (to a serious extent) are the ones with damaged childhoods or lack of family support.

It is also luck who they fall in love with, and when, which can be harder to break than drugs/drugs, when the relationship is a negative one.

[exoticfruits]

I always find it strange when parents don't take personality into account and they are so sure that all their children will turn out to be the same (=the way the parents want them to be). Although a very skillful parent will deal different with the different personalities.

I find this weird-they seem to think that DH was a foundling and that DC will be nothing like MIL, whereas, despite their best efforts DC and MIL might be '2 peas in a pod'!
If there was anyone I wouldn't want my DCs to take after it would be my younger brother and yet I can see him in 2 of my DCs-luckily a bit diluted!
Upbringing does have a lot to do with it. If mine were looting I would be taking them down to the police station with the stolen goods-not that they would be let out in the first place! (Not that they would dream of going)
I think that they do take in your values. When my DS was 8yrs 2 boys stole his football. He came back and said 'I don't know why, because their mother will make them take it back'-I found it very hard to say that probably she wouldn't even ask and she couldn't care if she did and that not everyone was honest. It seemed so sad to have to find out.(he never got the ball back).

[hellospoon]

cogito omg that moment always kills me and I vow never to dunk for longer than a second again. But it always happens.

op when did a bick pen become a cheap brand? Must of missed that one.

Anyways I'm off to buy dd a parker pen just to make sure she doesn't end up chavvy.

[Laquitar]

Ok . I would also make sure my dd knows that people can make typos at 4am.

You have posted 3 times and you haven't contributed anything, you just go on and on about the typo.

Omg, i typed something wrong at 4 am, at Enfield border, with the sirens and helicopters going mad outside!!! And a very clever person spoted the mistake! Wow!!

[spiderpig8]

YANBU I nearly got the shock of my life when I discovered my DS2 aged 12 was selling whisky at school to buy ketamine and weed.
he soon grew out of it, but you suddenly realise just how powerless you are once they get a bit older.

[spiderpig8]

High achieving, grammar school boy,been rugby captain,beaver cub and scout.

[catgirl1976]

At least he showed some good entrepenurial skills there spider (and grew out of it) :)

[SiamoFottuti]

Quality research shows us that giving our children a good diet, boundaries like early bedtimes and reading them stories (a predictor of educational acheivement) give them a very good chance of having a good later life actually. So YABU.

[TheBride]

In a way YANBU, because there are no guarantees, but YABU because as Siamo says, there is a very strong correlation between good parenting and good life outcomes (we can argue cause and correlation til the cows come home, but the correlation is undeiable at least)

Basically, DS can choose his own path, but Bank of M&D closes when he's 21 whatever so he might want to focus a bit.

[exoticfruits]

I know 2 DSs from very good, caring families whose lives were messed up by cannabis-one is just getting back on track in his 20's and the other got a wake up call when expelled from grammar school for selling it, aged 14. They both had teacher parents who were SAHMs in the early years. Both had a younger sibling who was a high achieving, sensible teen. Boundries, early bedtimes, reading stories all help, but if you have younger DCs do not sit back thinking it couldn't happen to your DC-it certainly could! It is all down to personality.

[spiderpig8]

personality and falling in with the wrong crowd.

[TheBride]

So are we saying that parenting has no impact then?

[Saski]

Is it too organic-strawberry of me to say that this is an obvious case of conflation/reveral of causality? Hell yes I'll be shocked if my kids are on drugs in 10 years. Sorry to be so elitist.