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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to deliberately expose my toddler to chicken pox?

102 replies

hagridthehamster · 08/08/2011 09:52

DS is nearly 2 and hasn't had it yet. A friend has invited me and another Mum round for coffee and the other Mum has said her baby has chicken pox.

I am starting a 4 year college course in September which will be intense to say the least so I thought that the likelihood is that DS WILL get CP sometime in the next 4 years so he may as well get it now whilst I'm still at home 24/7 with him. I appreciate it's selfish on my part but AIBU?

OP posts:
ReshapeWhileDamp · 08/08/2011 10:42

You know, it's not obligatory to have chicken pox, nor is it inevitable that an individual will contract it in their lifetime. I've always been a bit Hmm that parents are so ready to expose their very small children to a potentially nasty virus on grounds of 'convenience'. And is it really better to have it at 2 than at, say, 9? I have a 3 yo and a 7mo and I'm actively avoiding situations where I know CP may be an issue. I don't want either of them to get it (ideally ever!) at their young ages.

A friend of mine, whose first child had CP at about 18 months and 'hardly noticed it' because he didn't scratch too much Hmm, is now eager for her 18 m second child to get it and has been considering taking her to someone's house where the children have it. I asked her whether, in that case, she'd then be quarantining her DD for however long it took before she developed the disease, as well as once she became unwell, and my friend was stumped. It hadn't occured to her that her DD would be contagious while she was incubating, and she didn't know how long this period would be. At that time, a mutual friend was heavily pregnant and hadn't had CP before, so contact with a small child incubating CP could have endangered the life of her unborn baby. And what about immuno-supressed people she might also have come into contact with, unknowing?

And so it goes. Do what you think best for your child, OP, but make sure you're fully informed of all the risks, and I don't just mean to your own child. Otherwise, you are being extremely unreasonable and irresponsible to everyone you come into contact with.

kirsty75005 · 08/08/2011 10:42

@Cheria. Children are not innoculated for chicken pox in France.

Isn't it the case that a) almost everyone gets chicken pox in their lifetime and b) the later you get it the more dangerous it is? In which case, exposing your child earlier to chicken pox will decrease the chances of them dying of chicken pox and make the child safer... or have I misunderstood?

CheerMum · 08/08/2011 10:43

personally, i would take your son round to try to catch it. Everyone gets chicken pox, and for the vast majority it is a one-off, non-life-threatening illness.

So i don't see the problem in trying to ensure that your ds catches it at a time when it is convenient for you to nurse him through it.

ThinkingAboutBoden · 08/08/2011 10:44

And, PS, IME the CP vaccination was harmless WRT SEs.

Crikey! Too many acronyms!

PS In my experience, the chicken pox vaccination was harmless with regard to side effects!

That's better! Grin

Original poster
hagridthehamster · 08/08/2011 10:49

I'll ask about the vaccine today as I'm at the doctors anyway. Does anyone have any idea how much it is?

OP posts:
altinkum · 08/08/2011 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyArmadillo · 08/08/2011 10:52

OP doesn't deserve being called a bad mother. DS got chickenpox two months before his 2nd birthday. We had a playdate. The mum called me a couple of days later to tell me her son had chickenpox and then DS came out in spots. Another friend just about begged me to let her and her 11 year old DS visit as he'd never had chickenpox and didn't want him to get it as an adult. I personally thought it was a weird thing to do, but my friend is not an idiot or a bad mother. To be honest, at that point I was desperate for company so I let them come over! I've heard of people having chickenpox parties.

OP, I have to tell you though that it is distressing to see a child of that age so ill. DS didn't fully understand what was happening to him or why he felt so crap and was covered in spots. I got reassured by other mums that it was better to have it over with but I really felt sorry for him.

Mobly · 08/08/2011 10:56

I wouldn't! DS1 and DS2 had it recently, it was much worse in DS2 who is 21mths than DS1 who is 3.5yrs.

If they do get near adulthood and still haven't had it then you can pay privately for the vaccine (which I think you can do at any age).

oldbabe · 08/08/2011 10:58

Yes and no YABU
My ds caught cp in nursery, then dd1 got it both sailed through it which was surprising as dd1 has a rare health condition HOWEVER, I caught it at the same time and at 29 it was dreadful I was so ill it took me months to get over it.

dd2 caught it at 18th months old, it came on the day after we got back from a terrible holiday in Spain in a hotel where you could see children with various stages of cp. Dd2 was so ill with a raging temp we had to take her to a&e. Not only did she have cp but a rather nasty secondary infection related to a mild form of menengitis.
As others have pointed out your ds will be exposed to many, many infections in the years to come all with differing severity, what will you do then?
IMO I'd let it happen naturally.

startail · 08/08/2011 10:59

Personally I wish I had had CP as a child. Mum tried she let me play with the girl next door when she had it. Nan had it as an adult and was very I'll. I tried helping with the brownies when they all had it. Did I catch CP, no! I got it slap bang in the middle of my final year university projectAngry

PIMSoclock · 08/08/2011 10:59

altikum you are being totally hypocritical!
Deliberate exposure is still natural
And what does it matter what the jab costs.
If you believe that it will ensure the disease is mild then how can you put a price on your Childs health?

I don't agree with you, but you've been very quick to chastise the op for considering this.
I think your understanding and beliefs are fundamentally wrong.
If you think cp is really that bad you should be pro vaccine.
As I said before the method of exposure is irrelevant, it is the patient who will define the course of the disease.
If you think that cp is risky then it is hypocritical to think that natural exposure is ANY different to deliberate. They both carry the same risk of adverse effects
(I believe those effects are likely to be minimal you clearly don't)

I think it's maybe time you got off your High horse and actually thought about what you are saying here!!

Original poster
hagridthehamster · 08/08/2011 11:00

I jnow it's not particularly nice when they have cp, I've already nursed my 3 DDs through it. I just know that I coped a lot better when DD1 had it as I was home, whereas with the other 2 I was working FT when they got it and the levels of stress at being hassled from work did not make me the best nurse I could have been for them. Both younger ones have scars as I wasn't as vigilant at stopping them scratching.

OP posts:
altinkum · 08/08/2011 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheria · 08/08/2011 11:01

kirsty75005 you're right - not obligatory yet, depends on paediatrician. Mine does it with all babies (though can opt out) and it is in her carnet de vaccination. Luxembourg all kids are innoculated (I'm on the borders between the two so cover for both country's requirements - swimming pools etc sometimes ask to see proof of vaccination for various things)

Cheria · 08/08/2011 11:03

altinkum read that - wasn't convinced. I reckon it is to do with saving money. The USA vaccination programme has been very successful

meala · 08/08/2011 11:03

As for the getting a worse dose when you're older, my DD had CP at 22 months and was very unwell. She was on antivirals, antibiotics and antihistamines and it was not easy looking after her.

I would never deliberately expose my DS.

unpa1dcar3r · 08/08/2011 11:06

Morning Hagrid
I can only add that I'm an oldie and all my kids have been there, done that. When someone had the pox we would all go round for coffee so our kids caught it and got it out of the way
The thing is when you've got a few kids it only takes one to catch it anyway and they'll generally all end up with it so get it over and done with before you start college.

OK so there's a risk they might get it again, or shingles but this isn't that common...It's whether you're prepared to take that risk really.

Nefret · 08/08/2011 11:07

I wouldn't purposely expose my children to any disease. I had both mine vaccinated against chicken pox at a year, my oldest had it free as we were living in Turkey at the time and they give it as standard there. My youngest we paid for to get done private and it cost around £100. They will both need a booster before they are 10 and then they should have lifelong immunity.

altinkum · 08/08/2011 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startail · 08/08/2011 11:10

To answer the op, I'm not sure I'd expose my child on purpose, it's not a very pleasant illness (both DDs have had it, neither were especially I'll although DD2 had nose bleeds for years afterwards from what I suspect was a pox scar up her nose), but I'd probably not try hard to avoid it either.

MissJanuary · 08/08/2011 11:11

Hagrid yes send them over to me anytime, they are obviously an inconvenience as you want to plan their illnesses, with no regard for their welfare or the fact complications could arise from such an illness.

Its one thing to pick it up involuntary at playgroup or whatever, but to expose them to it for your calendar reasons is ludicrous.

I wonder how blase you'd be feeling after you've seen your child hooked up to life support after complications arising from CP?? Yep, big pat on the back to you.

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 08/08/2011 11:18

YABU for reasons already stated.

My dd caught it at the start of the year and I had to miss two weeks of an eight week term (2nd yr at Uni, very intensive course). it was difficult but I managed.

Taking time off for illness is just par for the course unless you have family that can step in IMO.

(Still managed a 2i btw)

PIMSoclock · 08/08/2011 11:20

Altikum how can you argue that the cost of the vaccine is relevant but the cost of list earnings/study etc for having to take time off if he child catches it during term time isn't?!
I really don't understand how you can say deliberate exposure is unnatural?!
Its about as natural as a siblings exposing it to one another under the same roof!

miss january you are being abusive end of. How dare you say someone is unfit to be a parent just for asking a question.
Disgusting hysteria and not in anyway informative or supportive

bumbleymummy · 08/08/2011 11:20

Surely you're taking the risk of catching something any time you walk outside the door? A child could have complications from chickenpox whether they are intentionally exposed or not.I'm not sure that I would choose to intentionally expose my children at this age but I think if they still hadn't had it when they were older then I would be more likely to consider it.

For those calling chickenpox a 'deadly disease' or a 'deadly virus' - any virus or disease is potentially deadly. IIRC the CP fatality rate is something like 0.4 per million cases. Complications usually occur in adults and the immunocompromised.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 08/08/2011 11:24

Yabu

I saw how poorly my brother was with it, hospitalised.

My dd has managed to survive two outbreaks at nursery and serveral friends children having it with catching it.