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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to deliberately expose my toddler to chicken pox?

102 replies

hagridthehamster · 08/08/2011 09:52

DS is nearly 2 and hasn't had it yet. A friend has invited me and another Mum round for coffee and the other Mum has said her baby has chicken pox.

I am starting a 4 year college course in September which will be intense to say the least so I thought that the likelihood is that DS WILL get CP sometime in the next 4 years so he may as well get it now whilst I'm still at home 24/7 with him. I appreciate it's selfish on my part but AIBU?

OP posts:

harassedandherbug · 08/08/2011 10:16

catwalker my ds2 had it twice too....... bad enough getting it once!

worraliberty · 08/08/2011 10:17

I can see your way of thinking but....

If he just happened to be one of those children who get extremely ill with it and is left with side effects, you'd never forgive yourself.

I personally have had CP 3 times and I'm not the only person I know who has caught it more than once, so it could be a waste of time anyway.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 08/08/2011 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evaangel · 08/08/2011 10:19

My ds has had CP twice.
Yes the incubation is a PITA, and the time off school but seriously let them catch it in there own time.
YABU

altinkum · 08/08/2011 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChitChattingagain · 08/08/2011 10:26

Are all the people here criticising the OP for thinking this going to have their DC immunised? Because if they're not, there is absolutely no difference to her DC catching CP by accident or deliberately. Their risk of it being mild or extreme are just the same!!!!

If you're not going to get them immunised, then you might as well expose them deliberately when you know you can look after them.

Iggly · 08/08/2011 10:27

The "vitriol" is because people are condoning deliberately getting your kid ill in order to timetable the period of inconvenience and make sure the kid gets it at the right time. Especially when it seems you can get it more than once anyway.

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 10:28

YABVU to knowingly expose your child to a virus that can have devastating side-effects (albeit not in most, but do you really want to take that chance?). If they're going to get these things from nursery, play groups etc they will, but to knowingly try to get a child infected....how can you not see that it's different? How could you watch your child even suffer a regular bout of CP, knowing it was because of you they were poorly?

My DH had it as a child then again as an adult and that's not uncommon.

Let nature do what it does, but where you can side-step it, do so. I'm not advocating cotton wool wrapping here, just a bit of common sense and not proactive infecting of small people. Your a mother and therefore meant to look after them, not deliberately thrust them in harm's way. Life's hard enough!

Iggly · 08/08/2011 10:29

But Chit that's madness - if your DC was ill with CP at the "wrong" te for you, would you say "oh no, can't look after DC because I've got to do x/y/z"?

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 10:31

My two have had it but I'd have happily paid to prevent this were a vaccine available beforehand.

TandB · 08/08/2011 10:31

I wouldn't do this. Firstly, there are absolutely no guarantees of him catching it or that he won't have it again - it took several exposures to outbreaks at nursery before my DS caught it. His cousin caught the first time he was exposed and has now got it again.

Secondly, from the point of view of how you will feel about it, there is a big difference between your child being really ill because of a decision you made, and being reallyill because of a chance infection. Both are terrible scenarios but at least with the second one you won't also have the guilt of knowing that you actively chose for him to catch CP.

Thirdly, once he has been exposed you won't know whether he is contagious or not. Are you going to keep him home for a couple of weeks until it is clear that he hasn't caught it? If not then you are potentially making this choice, not just for your son, but for every other non-immune person you encounter while he is possibly contagious.

Sirzy · 08/08/2011 10:31

I would never expose ds to chicken pox deliberately. He has had a lot of steroids and because of that I am dreading him getting it anyway.

There is a big difference between going out of your way to make you child contact it and them getting it are part of normal childhood IMO

ChitChattingagain · 08/08/2011 10:31

Of course you wouldn't, but it's a hell of a lot more stressful when you go back to work!

So can anyone tell me what is the difference????? As far as I see it either catching CP is bad and children should be immunised, or it's not bad enough to be immunised so therefore there's no difference when they catch it!!!!!

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 10:32

(You're a mother, I meant - not your a mother. Sorry grammar police ...

ChitChattingagain · 08/08/2011 10:33

Aaah, guilt. So it's not actually how ill the children get, but how bad you as a mummy feels.... nice....

Lady1nTheRadiator · 08/08/2011 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evaangel · 08/08/2011 10:36

Why would you expose your own child to a potentially serious viral infection for your own convenience?
Could you live with the guilt if it went horribly wrong?
That is selfish IMO

TandB · 08/08/2011 10:37

If it is wrong to consider how guilty the mum will feel, how is it possibly acceptable to take into consideration how 'stressful' the mum will find it if she is back at work?

ThinkingAboutBoden · 08/08/2011 10:37

Why don't you just inoculate if you feel that strongly? I am sure you can pay for the CP inoculation and that's it sorted.....unless you have one of the unfortunates who get it twice and that can happen post inoculation too (I actually have no idea if it can occur after inoculation but guess it could as jab is, in simplest sense, a mild exposure to produce ABs to it I would think)

Anyway, just a thought....pay for some healthcare if you feel strongly enough to expose DC

altinkum · 08/08/2011 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PIMSoclock · 08/08/2011 10:38

altinkum I'm sorry to hear that, but surely with that experience you should be pro vaccine rather than telling the poster to wait for accidental exposure.
Deliberate exposure does not make the side affects of cp worse.
The disease course depends on the individual, not the method of exposure and cp for the majority of children is a mild childhood illness.
However if the child or anyone has a weakened immune system cp can be serious. Hence the suggestion she should speak to her gp if she is in anyway in doubt about her own Childs health.

Think a few folk on this thread should wind their neck in a bit. I'm shocked at the poster who said op didn't deserve to have children for even considering this!

Enough with the mass hysteria. Give the op the facts and let her make her own mind up.

The facts
Cp is usually a mild disease in childhood
Rare cases can lead to encephalitis and death (however this is usually in people who are already imunocompramised)
First exposure does not guarantee life long immunity (approx 10% may catch the illness again)

For more info please see nhs 24 website. Goodluck

singinggirl · 08/08/2011 10:39

BF's DD had chickenpox at 15 months, caught from older brother. She was hospitalised for three weeks, having developed it in her lungs and gut as well, and developing a chest infection. She lost a third of her body weight, and had to be closely monitored for next four years. Speech and physical development were all delayed. Now eight, she is fine, but this is certainly not something I would willingly risk happening to my child. If they catch it, they catch it (and obviously most are fine) but under fives have less to fall back on, are more succeptable to soaring temperatures etc.

altinkum · 08/08/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 08/08/2011 10:40

Yes I know Chit, I work and DS has had some nasty viruses. I don't like seeing him ill but it doesn't cross my mind for a second "if only it happened at this time".

5littleducks · 08/08/2011 10:41

YABU - I think you probably know that now.
Why don't you pay for the vaccine instead?

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