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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more notice that my childminder won't be working?

28 replies

MissCalamity · 07/08/2011 18:37

Here?s my very first AIBU ? please be gentle Smile

My childminder has looked after my DS for 2 days a week since September last year when I went back to work, and she?s always been very reliable and never had any time off sick or taken lots of holidays.

In the past 5 weeks she?s probably worked 2 days due to having extreme sickness since she?s found out she?s pregnant. I know she?s suffered with bad morning sickness with her two other children, but nothing as bad as this with being constantly hospitalised. I am concerned for her wellbeing (as she is a good friend of my sister?s) but am really frustrated at her communication with me.

The first time she let me know she was going to be off sick was first thing 24 hours before, which was good as I could give my mum notice to have him. My mum took redundancy at the end of April and luckily is available to step in when needed. Since then though, CM has been quite slack in letting me know she?s unavailable, I normally get a text around 8-9pm in the evening, but most of the time this is prompted by a text from me.

I feel bad texting and am always very apologetic for bothering her, I?ve texted this afternoon at 3pm but had no reply ? what annoys me though is that her facebook is always updated every hour, that she?s still ill, throwing up etc.. and feel if she?s got enough time to do that sat in her hospital bed, she should just drop me a quick text just to say, I?m not working so I can give my mum a bit of notice. She knows that my mum is now more or less available for back up, so I don?t know if she just doesn?t bother letting me know earlier because of this? If my mum wasn?t available, my OH and I would really struggle having to sort out holidays from work for the foreseeable future.

So, AIBU or not??!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 07/08/2011 18:44

YANBU

I was going to say she probably doesn't know from one minute to the next but if she can update FB, she can answer your texts.

RandomMess · 07/08/2011 18:45

Perhaps you need to speak to her/text her and tell her that you will assume she is no longer available for work unless she lets you know otherwise????

I assume you are not paying her whilst she is not working (contracts differ on this vastly)

Original poster
MissCalamity · 07/08/2011 18:50

Yes I think that as well worraliberty, I think I know the in's and out's of her whole entire day due to FB Grin

Good idea RandomMess, I think when she does respond I will offer that solution. I don't pay her while she's sick, I did have a standing order set up and have cancelled it, at present we are straight.

I do feel bad mithering her!!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 07/08/2011 18:51

I think it is time you found another child minder, this is probably the pattern for the future.

RandomMess · 07/08/2011 18:54

Whatever you agree with her by text formalise in writing. Depending on the age of your dc point out that you may have to start with a settling in period again if it's been a long break.

I would look through your contract and see what it says about terminating her contract whilst she's unwell - you may not be able to.

twoistwiceasfun · 07/08/2011 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/08/2011 18:59

I would ask your mum if she could step in while you look for reliable childcare. People do get ill but your CM is going about this all wrong.

fedupofnamechanging · 07/08/2011 19:02

YANBU - you engage the services of a CM because you need them to mind your child. If she is unable to provide the service she agreed to then you are entitled to proper notice and to find an alternative CM. She is not an employee, she is self employed and provides a service that you choose to use. Therefore you are not sacking an employee when they are ill, you are merely finding a service which is available.

Being ill is awful, but this isn't your problem. Having proper child care is though.

nojustificationneeded · 07/08/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissCalamity · 07/08/2011 19:08

Thanks ladies, I've just joined the childcare website and had a bit of a browse through - I have noticed her friend (who is also a cm) has viewed my profile and to be honest it probably wouldn't take a genius to work out who I am [hmmm]

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 07/08/2011 19:49

She isn't being very professional if she sees posting on FB more important than letting her clients know she can't work. It appears it doesn't even cross her mind to let them know.

pingu2209 · 07/08/2011 23:57

why don't you get another child minder set up? The current one is likely to be on maternity leave in the next few months anyway so it would be wise to have back up.

UKSky · 08/08/2011 15:52

You're going to need a new cm when she has her baby won't you? So maybe now is a good time to start looking.

And if she won't answer texts, why don't you just pick up the phone and actually speak to her.

hellospoon · 08/08/2011 17:26

Where abouts are you op? I'm currently in the process of registering should be done by september

Yanbu about your cm she should be updating you and telling you what's going on with her, although if she has her own children and is in hospital cause of this pregnancy maybe she isn't thinking of her mindees? She should be telling you though. Very unprofessional!

hellospoon · 08/08/2011 17:26

Where abouts are you op? I'm currently in the process of registering should be done by september

Yanbu about your cm she should be updating you and telling you what's going on with her, although if she has her own children and is in hospital cause of this pregnancy maybe she isn't thinking of her mindees? She should be telling you though. Very unprofessional!

Sheepling · 08/08/2011 17:45

How long has she been in hospital? If you know she is in hospital, maybe that gives you a clue that she is not fit for work? I'm sorry, if she's that sick, is she really going to be texting you everyday to give you an update? Yes, shes on facebook - and clearly you have seen her statuses about how ill she is, don't they give you another clue that she might be too ill? How often are you asking her if she is better? Has she told you "I'll be back whatever-day" or is it a case of she'll let you know when she's better?

If she's told you she is in hospital, and you can see from facebook she is still in hospital, I don't understand what more you need? What are you expecting from her?

Sheepling · 08/08/2011 17:48

And please do not get another CM because she is pregnant (which I read to be the reason she is ill), which is what a lot of people are suggesting! Thats just tacky. Get cover for her maternity leave, yes. But not until then!

TheOriginalFAB · 08/08/2011 17:57

.

twoistwiceasfun · 08/08/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BleurghUna · 08/08/2011 18:27

Time to find another, temporary, CM I think, she will be having a baby in the next few months and you would need mat cover anyway, maybe a permanent replacement if she decides not to return to work. Feel sorry for her, but you need someone reliable no?

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/08/2011 18:34

I agree with sheepling, she's sick enough to be in hospital, and is updating everybody on facebook.
Maybe she just feels too ill to be getting in touch with everybody individually.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 08/08/2011 18:47

I'd see her lack of contact as a total lack of respect to you.

Of course if she is in hospital she is unavailable for childminding - so I would stop with the texts!

Ask your mum to look after him until you can line someone else up - and yes, I would find someone else.

I have two children, and since my 9-year-old was a baby I have had 2 childminders - the first one would never ever have had a sick day... but that's because she would just keep her 10-year-old at home to mind the babies!!!! NOT what I wanted!
The one I have had for the past 6 years is amazing, yes she has had the odd sick day, but she has also so so many good points, i'd be lost without her!

Original poster
MissCalamity · 08/08/2011 20:29

Thanks for all your responses.

I'm not been bombarding her with texts all day every day, nor do I expect her to give me a daily update. It's just when it gets to Sunday evening and I've not heard anything, also if I'm not at home - I don't have access to facebook on my phone so am unable to stalk her Wink

I've had a chat with my mum and she's happy to continue looking after DS for the 2 days, plus her day as well. I just do feel a bit mean that she's effectively retired and is now having a hyperactive 20 month old 3 days a week!

She did say that she would only be taking 6 weeks maternity leave; and that we could cope with and work around as it's planned iyswim.

Obviously I don't want to lose her as she is a good cm; I've mentioned about the "you let me know when you're able to look after ds again" so I'm not going to be mithering her in the future.

I'm going to see how the next couple of weeks pans out, if it's looking like this sickness is going to be a long term thing, then I've got to look after number one and will definitely be looking for another cm, she did say in the second trimester the sickness did stop; like I said before her pregnancy she never had any days sick and was always very good with DS.

Sigh....!

OP posts:
twoistwiceasfun · 08/08/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinBones · 08/08/2011 20:37

Sheepling, that's like saying if you put on facebook that you're ill and you're friends with your manager, you don't need to phone in sick! Obviously she hasn't clarified with the OP what the situation is, otherwise she wouldn't be asking her!

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