Do you expect your DH/DP to help at the weekend?

[myterrapin]

My DH works long hours Monday to Friday and I look after our 3 dcs and all the housework, shopping, cooking, washing etc. Fair enough. Every week I look forward to the weekend when we'll see more of him, then every time we end up arguing about the same issue. Basically I expect him to help around the house and with the dcs, and he doesn't do it.

For example: We live overseas and have a small pool in the garden. It's very hot and we have to be really careful about suncream and insect repellent. The dcs are getting better at remembering but they are still very young. Today I was in the kitchen cleaning up and DH was in the living room on the computer. Next thing I see the dcs in the pool, no UV tops only bottoms. I asked DH if they had suncream on and he said he hadn't put any on. This really pissed me off - why is it only my responsibility?

If I ask him to do something specific he says he will, then doesn't do it. If I ask again (and again) he will eventually do a half-arsed effort, e.g. table wiped but lots of spills etc left there, half of the towels hung out. Whenever I try to talk to him about this he just keeps repeating "I do help" and won't acknowledge what I'm saying. He does "projects" (at the moment he is into making bread), so he sees that as helping.

I'm fed up with the arguing. Should I carry on pushing about this or AIBU and he works really hard and he should get to relax at the weekends?

OP to give you a bit of context;

I have just moved in with my DP and my 2 DSs. Note mine, not his. I am 35 weeks pregnant with our child. Last week DP was on his own at work, so was working 8am to 9pm, monday to Friday and was in for 5 hours each day on the weekend. He barely saw the DC just long enough to say good morning and goodnight all week, but still managed to make sure they had breakfast before he left and take turns at sorting out the 'I need a drink', "he's talking and I cant sleep", 'I've just remembered xyz that I absolutely must tell you about NOW' issues that crop up after they are in bed.

During the week as a rule, I cook and the DC wash up and put away (thank the gods for the day they got old enough to do that!) and DPs gets left in the oven for when he gets back. He then cleans his own plates and cutlery. At weekends, he cooks on Saturday or if we are on a family outing, he springs for dinner out because he has declared that Saturday's are his responsibility since it is about the only day he can be certain of being here to cook and he wants me to know there is a minimum of one night a week where I don't even have to think about dinner except to idly wonder if I can sneak a packet of crisps in time without spoiling my appetite. Sunday is whoever can be arsed to cook.

These aren't his own kids, but he accepts that by choosing to live with me, he also lives with my kids and therefore is a parent to them. Parenting means stepping up and doing what needs to be done, not waiting around for someone to do it for you.

Given that your DC are also your DH's DC, he presumably had some say in their existence so knew what was involved in being a parent and agreed to sign up for that. To backtrack now is unacceptable.