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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report manky arsed neighbour for indecent exposure?

40 replies

Coffeeisking · 07/08/2011 00:57

There is some flats that back onto my garden. only 2 floors, and they are generally 1 bed flats for the elderly or single people. They are mostly a very strange lot.

For 2 nights now i've gone into my garden for a 'breather' and his curtains haven't been fully closed. each time he has got up from his sofa with no trousers or pants on, stood there for a while then put his trousers on! All in full view of my garden.

Yesterday he turned round ( after dressing himself!! Thank god!!) and must have seen me in my garden, but still did the same just now! He must know i regularly go into my garden, and most of the time the curtains are closed at night.

Its not even a nice arse, not that it would matter obviously ;-) should i report it to our estate manager or would the police be best to deal with it?

I will add, before anyone says not to look, its hard not to. the flats pretty much block any view of anything. i normally have my phone with me so i dont look at anything. i always feel uncomfortable in my garden.

OP posts:

M0naLisa · 07/08/2011 00:58

turn you back to them. i dont think anything can be done as he is in his own home. its not as if he is delibaratly flashing at you.

LordOfTheFlies · 07/08/2011 01:03

Go out with a camera/ camcorder to film something in your garden.
Then when you see them at the window, or more to the point when they see you...
Those curtains will close PDQ!

TheFrogs · 07/08/2011 01:08

Is he wearing a smoking jacket?

Original poster

Coffeeisking · 07/08/2011 01:11

Haha, Yes LordOfTheFlies that would freak him out. and then he will probably report me.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 01:18

If he's in his own premises with lights blazing, it's highly unlikely that he'd be able to see you in your garden.

For someone who doesn't 'look at anything', you seem remarkably observant in clocking the sofa and the state of the guy's arse - plus if he "stood each time he has got up from his sofa with no trousers or pants on, stood there for a while then put his trousers on!" it's obvious that you've watched for the length of time it's taken him to get dressed.

The guy's entitled to sit/walk around stark bollock nekkid in his own home, and if you report this matter to anyone you're going to come across as a peeping tom/thomasina.

If you need a regular breather in your garden that curiously coincides with your neighbour's 'activities' why not sit in a chair that faces away from the flats?

bringinghomethebacon · 07/08/2011 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 01:22

Yep, that's a surefire way to be placed the Sex Offenders Register Flies,

Birdsgottafly · 07/08/2011 01:25

I often walk round in the nude and semi dressed, indoors. If you don't like what you see, don't look, is my motto.

GypsyMoth · 07/08/2011 01:28

Do NOT film him, you could be done for voyeurism. Someone filmed my dd and her friend and has just been dealt with by the courts. He hasn'tcomee off well out of it!

Original poster

Coffeeisking · 07/08/2011 01:36

bringinghomethebacon We had no choice in this house sadly.

Issywhizzyletsgetbusy Yes i looked away, its very easy to see his sofa backs onto the window, and when you see movement in the corner of your eye, its natural to look in that direction. And each times have been at differant time of night so the coincidence have certainly not been on my part. I thought yesterday once a one off.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/08/2011 01:45

When at home, people often do what comes naturally with little/no thought that people will see them. If it really bothers you, write him a letter and ask him to invest in some net curtains. However, he is at home and unless he is indulging in lavascious behaviour in front of the window, he's just being himself.

We all deserve to be at ease in our homes. If his intent is non-malicious you should find a way of living with it. It's only a human body. Is that so offensive?

ScaredyDog · 07/08/2011 01:47

Coffee, I have had a problem with a neighbour flashing repeatedly in a very visible and purposeful way and sadly, on this forum, I've been told it was my fault for looking as well!

I don't agree that it's you with the problem, it's him. What he's doing is anti-social and it's not a nice thing to witness. You should raise it with your estate manager. At least someone could go and speak to the gentleman and inform him that he can be seen from his window when he's thrilling people with his bod

LordOfTheFlies · 07/08/2011 01:53

You don't have to actually film him.
There's no law in going out into your garden and taking some photos of your clematis to send to your Auntie Beryl.

If he complains to police" I was at my window and she was filming"
"What were you doing?"

"I was walking round with my manky arse out"

When the police ask OP,of course she wouldn't have any photographic evidence. It would just dis-suade him.(Is that a real word?)

I hope.

Bogeyface · 07/08/2011 02:02

Whilst I agree that a person can walk around in their own house in whatever state they like, you can usually get a vibe about whether something is accidental or deliberate.

If the OP saw him then chances are he saw her. Yes I know that if the lights are on inside and it is dark outside, it is difficult to see but given it is summer and the OP is unlikely to be standing in the absolute pitch black, we can safely assume that he knew she was there.

The OP feels uncomfortable being out there. Not embarrassed, uncomfortable. she didnt post on chat "OMG!!!! Just saw my neighbours saggy ...[whatever]" which would indicate that she thought it was just an accident.

OP if there is a building manager then they are the first port of call, if not then I would say that the police would be the best place to go. If you explain that you dont want him arrested etc then they will have a quiet word about where he gets dressed and I am sure that it wont happen again.

Bogeyface · 07/08/2011 02:05

Jus had a thought.....

A MNer recently posted about being naked in her house and her neighbours manky DH climing up on his kitchen units to be able to ogle her. That was her fault because she was "flaunting" herself.

But the OP here is apparantly at fault for seeing something she didnt want to see.

Can someone please explain the double standard to me?

Bogeyface · 07/08/2011 02:08

Sorry that should be "That was her fault (according to MN) because she was "flaunting" herself"

ScaredyDog · 07/08/2011 02:11

Complete double standard Bogeyface, I agree. I don't want to be able to see a neighbour who is clearly parading naked at his window (and worse) for hours and watching for me to see him from my kitchen, but apparently it's my fault for looking!

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/08/2011 02:13

Bogeyface, no double standard here. you want to walk around in the nudey in your house, go for it. Your body will only cause offence if you mean it to.

iscream · 07/08/2011 02:16

Let's say that he is unaware you can see him. It sounds like the apartments are for seniors and singles, but here, apartments like that are usually for people with some kind of disability. I discovered this while helping my mother choose out a seniors residence a few years ago.

That is here though, so perhaps not a universal thing for subsidized housing?
So, this guy may have some kind of learning disability or something.
He may be unaware people can see him in his apt., then he hears a loud wolf whistle. Looks down and see's you looking up. Is mortified and the next day you see he has put up sheers to give him privacy.
You probably don't want to give a loud wolf whistle, but maybe invite over a man who could do it for you, so it would not seem like you are whistling in a "well done" type of way!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 02:48

its very easy to see his sofa backs onto the window

Yesterday he turned round( after dressing himself!! Thank god!!) and must have seen me in my garden, but still did the same just now

The guy's sofa backs onto his window. He's watching tv or whatever nekkid; he gets up and stands for a while (maybe stretching his legs after sitting for a prolonged period) before putting on his trousers.

If he's sitting with his back to the window how does he know when you are in your garden?

It sounds as if he may be a creature of habit, and it seems as if you're becoming one too.

For the record, I've just been into my garden which is illuminated by solar lights and the light from my kitchen window. Even in light polluted inner London, my neighbours' gardens are pitch black. There are lights shining out of various windows, but I've got no intention of sitting in my garden and looking to see what those neighbours with lit windows and no curtains/blinds may be up to in the privacy of their own homes.

Can you please post a link to the thread you've referred to Bogey?

iscream · 07/08/2011 03:36

I heard if you stand 10 feet (or more) away from the window, you can't be seen by people below. Have not tested this theory, but I always make sure I am 10 feet away when changing.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 03:41

we can safely assume that he knew she was there

I don't see how anyone can safely assume that Bogey. The sofa backs onto the window. The guy stands up from sitting on the sofa and gets dressed with his back to the window.

After he's got dressed, he turns around and is only now facing the window - but he is at least a sofa's depth away from the window and, from a lit or unlit room, he is not going to be able to see who is in a neighbouring garden unless that garden is brightly illuminated

My kitchen sink unit is under a deep-ledged kitchen window. The combined depth of unit and ledge is 36". The depth of my sofas are c40". With the internal lights on and with the lights off, when standing close to my kitchen unit I can't see into the darkness of my neighbours' gardens.

It's possible that any or all of my neighbours are parading around starkers in their own gardens but it's far too cold tonight for me to want to join them

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 04:01

"I would say that the police would be the best place to go. If you explain that you dont want him arrested etc then they will have a quiet word about where he gets dressed and I am sure that it wont happen again"

Would that be the net curtain police you're referring to Bogey?

Seriously, what grounds would the police have to make an arrest? Failing to get dressed in the bathroom? Failing to get dressed behind closed curtains?

FFS, the guy's in his own home. The op is not compelled to look at any of their neighbours' windows and can easily avert their gaze if they see something that offends their sensibilities instead of continuing to wait and watch every night.

Mare11bp · 07/08/2011 06:01

Actually it can be indecent exposure, even if it takes place in one's home address.

This could be an innocent mistake on his part entirely. But having experience of working with such offenders myself they can also be very clever and manipulative. This half closed curtain thing could be a complete facade, designed entirely to support a future argument, if challenged, that this was an innocent mistake on his part.

I wouldn't dash to the police however, in case it is a mistake. I would have a word with the housing people first, who may be able to nip it in the bud first.

StrandedBear · 07/08/2011 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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