To still wipe/check my DCs after they have done a poo?

[SuzysZoo]

Title says it all really. AIBU? They are at school but not in double figures!

People are talking about 2 different things here.

I don't agree with checking and wiping the arse of a child due to the parents choice.

But my 6yo DS (7 in a few weeks) asks for my help. We have just got his BM under control with movicol and I pick my battles. I presume he won't be asking for help when he's left home.

I would let them at it themselves and if there were issues start doing a poo check. DSD stank of poo this weekend and I have had to send a message about wiping home again

I agree that with medical issues its a whole different ball game youarekidding - understandable that a child who has endured problems with bowel movements, constipation etc may need assistance

Of course it is controlling behaviour, if they haven't a medical condition-think back to when you were 7 yrs-would you have told anyone that your mother was wiping your bottom? I certainly wouldn't!
It is much better for the DC to have the occasional skid mark and do it themselves.

Wow at some of these - not after 2 DD is just coming up to 2, has sort of started potty training and I think she's early for that. I can't imagine in 6 short weeks we'll have moved on to me just not being there.
DS is 4, I still do help - need to stop this as he starts school in September but I don't think he is too old. Just that obv when he is at school I can't help him.

Can I just say that "flushable" wet wipe things block up the sewers and cause real problems at the processing plants. I listened to a fascinating programme on radio 4 all about it. Basically, the water companies and the companies who make the wipes disagree on what is "flushable" and what isn't. Personally, I'd rather listen to the water company who has to deal with the pollution, rather than the wipe makers, who make money out of selling the wipes.

dgs nearly 5 does it himself but dgs 2.5 and just trained needs to have it done.However I dont think it should be necessary after age 6.

exotic fruitloop: controlling behaviour??? Hellooo, we're talking about children here not about a cult of small people who are using the power of Poo to brainwash us into a life of servitude. Bludy nora. You paranoid or what?

Wet wipes: do not flush down the loo. Not unless you want Dynorod to send a camera down your sewer to show you just why your pipes are blocked. I learnt that one the expensive way.

Littlefish, I never knew that! We only bought them for the first time for mil, who has Alzheimers Disease and is in hospital refusing to wash. I thought they would help keep her fresh.
I guess the nurses will get rid if they don't approve.

This is the main reson why I don't do playdates.

I find when my DDs friends are around, I have to be on hand to help friends up and off the loo and all the bits in between

It's one thing giving your own 5/6 year old a bit of help if they have a loose poop, but wiping strange children's bottoms, with their foul stinkers is too awful. It's so difficult not to vomit all over them

FWIW, the best way of disposing of used loo paper and wipes is in the bin, not the loo: the Cypriot way - much easier on the sewerage system.

I'm not talking about the under 5's, but children who are school age and over-the occasional bit of help is fine if they ask for it but the mother should be getting them to be independent and a few skid marks are unimportant. Mine had play dates from an early age and I was never asked by any of them to wipe bottoms.

If they had asked I would have told them that I didn't do it-they would have to do it themselves (unless they had diarrhea and were in a real mess).

It was part of potty training. Use potty, use loo paper, do it properly. I never even considered wiping either of mine's bottom from the day they used a potty. Perhaps we were lucky - no issues whatsoever here with either the potty training or using loo paper properly. Have never considered this could possibly be an issue for anyone or that anyone would contemplate wiping a normal child's bottom. Mine were fully independent by nursery at 3 + and were expected to be in order to start. Have times changed? Mine are 16 and 13 now and were potty trained (actually not trained at all - but made aware of the potty and when they were ready they made it perfectly clear by asking for it and refusing pants) without accidents by 2.8 and 2.9 respectively and dry at night by 2.9 and 3 respectively although I had to lift the youngest when I went to bed until she was 4.5.

I don't agree that it's OK for children (or adults) to have skid marks. In our family children and adults are expected to wash their bottoms with soap and water if there is the slightest doubt about cleanliness of bottoms post-wiping. Faeces are incredibly full of dangerous bacteria. And bottoms get sore very easily.

I think that times have changed-in the past they were all supposed to be independent by 3 yrs old and nursery.

exoticfruits - I agree that, in the past, parents/caregivers valued independence over doing the job properly when it came to children's personal hygiene.

These days, I think that ensuring children are properly clean (and that includes hair and body washing, teeth brushing etc as well as bottom wiping) is a greater priority.

Mine always were properly clean - in every way.

I think that we will just have to agree to disagree-independence would be my first priority and then they went in the bath, or shower,every night.

My big problem with making independence the first priority is that children grow up not expecting to have their personal hygiene checked on and aren't necessarily very thorough. This doesn't matter very much when they are small. As they grow up they need to wash more thoroughly and they find it hard to learn.

I am often about how filthy pre-teens are.

When they get to teens and are interested in girls you find they get their act together.

I agree on pre teens-they managed cub camps without washing at all!

Ha ha ha I have a filthy DSS2 (nearly 14) who is very interested in girls and who interests girls greatly.

DS is 5 and I wouldn't check for every poo, but in the evening if I find skid marks on his pants and its not a bath night then I'd have a check and a wipe if needed.

Give him another year Bonsoir...............

Perhaps, but in the mean time the past few years of filth (and resulting hard work, unpleasantness and arguments) could have been avoided if personal hygiene hadn't been sacrificed on the altar of independence (ha bloody ha) when he was little...