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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my 7 year old dd she is 'grounded'!

28 replies

littlemisslost · 06/08/2011 10:36

she is 8 in November, she is a madam and her behaviour at times is totally unaccpetable, we use a start chart which does have SOME effect but sometime she is totally unreasonable and so rude, shouting at me and not doing a Thing I say. She has some lovely friends in our road and they play almost everyday at the moment (being school holidays) in the entry at the back of our house (which is gated and locked by the way) they go up and down on their bikes and play very nicely together but I am so sick of her being so oppositional and cheeky and the way she talks to me I have told her she is grounded today!?

OP posts:
ClaimedByMe · 06/08/2011 10:38

Yanbu but it will only work if she really loves going out to play and keeping her in will get to her, it works for my dd8 but not for my ds6 as hes quite happy to stay in!

squeakytoy · 06/08/2011 10:43

Being grounded was the most effective and miserable punishment for me at that age. Being able to hear your mates playing out while you are sent to your bedroom to "think about your behavour", is definately the worst thing. I actually would have preferred a slapped backside.

YANBU at all.

However, back then, bedrooms were for sleeping in, and not full of games to keep me occupied if I was grounded. So I would make sure that grounding means staying in and no fun other than a book to read.

Mitmoo · 06/08/2011 10:46

I wouldnt be too harsh, I'd keep her in but she'll soon get bored with the Xbox or whatever by herself and hearing her mates playing out while she can't will be punishment enough.

I might, though many will disagree, give her jobs to do and if she does them well tell her she can go out at say 4pm, so she's getting punished but rewarded for changing her behaviour.

No you are not being unreasonable.

LineRunner · 06/08/2011 10:55

If I ground my kids (rarely) it is important that they are in their rooms without broadband access, mobile phones etc while they "think about the consequences of their behaviour" (squeaky Grin ).

Books are fine or they can help out with some jobs.

Also agree with Mit that by a certain time - as long as you are the one clearly in charge - you might offer her a bonus un-grounding in return for good behaviour. They key is to be the one in control.

Original poster
littlemisslost · 06/08/2011 10:58

she hanging out the bedroom windows shouting at her firends now and I can't find the keys to lock the windows! she is driving me nuts and days like this I feel like I can't cope with her. Where do you find the strength lol
I have to go to the bank now will be right back and need some support throughout this day lol

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 06/08/2011 11:01

Don't worry about it the friends will soon get bored with talking to a girl in a window. Hang on in there. I'd lock it though as soon as you find the key.

AandK · 06/08/2011 11:10

I would ground her but from everything.

If she is being punished you can't then reward her with cartoons, consoles and dvd's.

and after seeing your other thread yes lock her bedroom window.

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 06/08/2011 11:14

My 4 year old is developing into a right little madam too. She is occassionally grounded when she gets too cheeky. She hates being grounded, but I think you have to start them young as it teaches them that their behaviour is unnacceptable.
As for friends at the window, agree they will get bored and go off to play somewhere else.

SharperSeven · 06/08/2011 11:23

I think fol get the "little madam" they deserve. Maybe you should have imposed some discipline sooner.

LineRunner · 06/08/2011 11:26

If I were you I would also ask the other children not to talk to her as she is grounded.

SharperSeven · 06/08/2011 11:27

Folk

Kladdkaka · 06/08/2011 12:42

In my experience grounding them is a bad idea. It doesn't change their behaviour but it does mean you are stuck inside with it all day instead.

FabbyChic · 06/08/2011 12:45

you have done the right thing, she cannot keep misbehaving and getting away with it, actions have consequences.

LessonsinL · 06/08/2011 14:00

At least make sure she's being grounded for something she's done wrong, other than being a "little madam". And make sure there's some sort of end to the grounding, otherwise why would she bother to change her behaviour if the punishment has no end?

startail · 06/08/2011 14:04

At that age I'd have got a sharp slap for being a madam, which I didn't much mind. When I was older my dad would sit me down and spend an hour lecturing me on the error of my ways, which I did mind. Even if I never really understood why he had to waste his time too!
Sending me to my room was hopeless because I'm quite happy with my own company and would potter away quite happily.
No computers then and very after school things so those modern options didn't apply.
Making me tidy my room would probably have worked quite wellWink
As for being a little madam. When I went to secondary school and stopped being board witless everyday. I stopped being so cheeky.

LineRunner · 06/08/2011 14:08

My sister was a little madam. Still is.

As with startail, she was changed at Big School, by having a really good crowd of friends.

AnneWiddecomesArse · 06/08/2011 14:27

If you don't impose bounderies now; then you wont have a hope in hell later. I remember the exact same thing with my DD about the same age.
I used to cry with sheer desperation, frustration and anger although not in front of her. Up until that point she was a challenge in terms of energy, sleeping etc. but she had been pleasant.
The whole house was suddenly filled with her cantankerousness, vileness and obstenate behaviour. Every utterance was an arguement. You have to stand strong.
Tell her if she shouts out the window again it will be two days (and if she does) find the key to lock them; and enforce it. Grounded tomorrow as well.
My DD became lovely again but turned into a teenage about five/six months ago.It's hell, but at least I had four good years in between.

valiumredhead · 06/08/2011 14:35

By 8 we had moved on from star charts to a small amount of pocket money each week - worked wonders!

Original poster
littlemisslost · 06/08/2011 15:04

right she had an almighty tantrum, pulled the curtains off the rail and threw a chair accross the room!............this is the first time she has done any of that by the way! she was screasming so loud I actually took myself out into the back garden so the neighbours could see I wasnt actually killng her lol and just stood outside with the dog until she started to calm down. As for the comment by Sharper seven, and 'getting the little madam you deserve', thats nor very fair and quite judgemental! I think to be honest the demands of modern life, parents working long hours and less timr with your children I try to do as much nice stuff as possible with her when were together and I have always been very supportive of any discipline at school, childminder says she is never any problem she is just growing up, getting too big for her boots and is at an age where she is not a toddler but still quite young and not in control, we do use pocket money long with the chart, she gets 50p a day for good behaviour(meeting targets) which means £3.50 a week but she has never got a full weeks lol

OP posts:
Original poster
littlemisslost · 06/08/2011 15:07

now she is up in her room, tidying it all up. she had to do the recycling for me and help me hang the washing out and her friend called for her and was sent away to which she didnt react which I was impressed with. she has no tv in her room anyway or internet so is listening to music nicely calming down...phew!!!!!

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 06/08/2011 15:11

You sound like you're going through a painful stage with your DS. It sounds as if she has worked out that you are in charge. Smile

spiderpig8 · 06/08/2011 15:14

YABU or at least a glutton for punishment.Link behaviour to a treat ot pocket money or something.It's good for her and for you to have a nice group of friends to play with.

Ineedalife · 06/08/2011 15:14

We have had quite a lot of trouble with Dd1 and 3 over the years with their behaviour.

I think the comment about getting the "little Madam" you deserve is unfair.

the poster knows nothing about the OP.

My Dd's are on the autistic spectrum and can be extremely challenging, they will throw things and break things when they have lost control.

My advice to you OP would be to stand firm with your Dd and not let her grind you down, any damage she does she has to sort out[with help].

She need to learn that when her behaviour is unacceptable there will be consequences, you should always follow through with punishments.

I cant put Dd3 in her room because she goes completly loopy, if she has to have a punishment she sits at the dining table with a book.

We use a red and yellow card system like the footballers.

Good luck.

worraliberty · 06/08/2011 15:20

I wouldn't listen to your childminder with regards to 'just growing up'....pulling curtains off her rail, throwing a chair across the room and having a full on screaming tantrum at almost 8yrs old is a bit much imo.

When you say you work long hours and try to do nice things with her when you're together, would you say you perhaps spoil her a little to make up for the time apart?

fargate · 06/08/2011 15:22

Don't worry - she's likely to up the ante before she realises that you aren't going to give in.

I think it's a good time to put a stop on cheeky, stroppy prematurely teenage behaviour - otherwise it will only escalate.

I also think that she's getting a bit old for star charts unless you make them quite sophisticated which can be time-consuming and a focus for unwanted debate.

I'm a great enthusiast of grounding as strategy - when the initial strop wears off, I find it useful spending more time together to talk. It can be grounding in the other sense of the word.

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