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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a bit of a grumble about DH going to rugby tomorrow?

16 replies

NoseyNooNoo · 05/08/2011 21:59

DH is going to Twickenham for the rugby tomorrow. He?ll leave home at 12 noon and be back at about 8pm after kids are in bed. I made a comment to the effect, ?It?s all right for some?. He thinks I?m being really unfair to make him feel guilty about going which wasn?t what I was aiming to do much much.
To put it in context, I am bloody knackered. I?d love a day off. DH went to the cricket at Lords 2 weeks ago. I was invited but I couldn?t get a babysitter for our children so he took a mate. He says I was invited to Twickenham too but he knows that Twickenham is somewhere I won?t go ever again after a really awful trip a few years ago so really that?s a rather lame offer.
I see tomorrow as yet another day with the kids who spent today trying to kill each other. At the moment it appears to be constant screaming, questions, I don?t have a moment to think a whole sentence. On top of that, I am self-employed and have had no time to make phone calls or do the work I need to do which is why I end up doing it late into the evening.
DH does work really hard and brings a lot of work home with him but I feel he has more ?play-days? than I do.
SO I know IABU but I just want a moan. Was it really bad for me to say, ?It?s all right for some??

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 05/08/2011 22:04

write them all on the calendar. that is the only way you can check on it and prove it to dh if he is like mine was. (he forgot and thought he never got to see his friends or family. though he was the only one of us who went out child free after the health visitor said don't leave the kids with him. )

make sure you book some time off and let h look after the children. preferably next weekend... and the one after that... and the one after that, just to redress the balance of course

ilovesooty · 05/08/2011 22:05

Why don't you just organise your own weekend away? Seems more sensible to set about addressing the inequality than just feeding your own resentment. I take it he'd pull his weight by taking on the childcare so you can have some time off?

FromGirders · 05/08/2011 22:05

While I totally understand your reaction, it is just a leetle bit passive aggressive.
Would it not be better to arrange a date where you have the whole day off to do whatever you want - whether that be shopping, visiting a friend, or watching a sporting event of your own choice?

Roo83 · 05/08/2011 22:08

Of course it wasn't bad for you to say. Tbh I think that was a fairly mild comment. I'm used to my dp going out a lot, and most times I'm fine with it, but sometimes if I'm fed up or tired for whatever reason it really grates on me. You're only human and have a right to have a bit of a moan now and again-it definately helps to get it off your chest

nearlytherenow · 05/08/2011 22:09

I think a bit of moaning is permitted. I find Saturdays on my own with the kids particularly grim as for everyone else it's a family day, so there just seems so much less to do. My DH plays cricket every Saturday through the summer, and every Saturday I complain about it . He was also at Lords a few weeks ago (England - India), and Wimbledon a few weeks before that, and "alright for some" was exactly how I felt. Come the end of the cricket season, however, the tables are going to be turned....

LunaticFringe · 05/08/2011 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 05/08/2011 22:11

Yes, it was passive aggressive. To be fair he totally interpretted my comments correctly.

I don't feel it would be as easy for me to have time off. All of my female friends are mums who would also have to arrange childcare too so it wouldn't be fun on my own. All of his friends are men, many of whom are not dads so no problem there.

What I really want is a few days off - 2 days to catch up on work and 1 day to just chill in the garden. That's not going to happen until the 2 yr old goes to university at this rate. It just seems endless!

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 05/08/2011 22:11

so he leaves at 12? he can look after the dc,get up with them etc til around 11? then bring you a cup of tea and get himself ready!

BimboNo5 · 05/08/2011 22:14

Thats not that long really, it will fly by, you will survive although you may be found rocking in a corner drinking far too much bombay sapphire when he returns

SharperSeven · 05/08/2011 22:14

Could you have some time to yourself on Sunday? Agree about Twickers; nasty hard, cramped seats, smelly loos and bars and often such a poor view it's like watching table footy. Love Rugby- but better on TV.

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 05/08/2011 22:28

SharperSeven, you described it well.

Sunday is out really. DD wants to go to Sunday school so I have to go to church (DH doesn't attend church) and then she has a party in the afternoon to attend (soft play hell).

I think my moan is that I can't see a break in view - and I need some time to at least shave my legs!! I might try tomorrow morning.

Anyway, am off for an early night. Work e-mails will have to wait another night.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 06/08/2011 16:04

Thanks to those who listened to my grumble yesterday. I was in bed by 10.40pm and slept in until 9am. Dh took the children out for the morning so I could have a bath and catch up on some e-mails so not so bad after all. I think he understood why I was being passive-aggressive.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 06/08/2011 16:07

Can he not take your DD to the party tomorrow afternoon? Seems only fair.....

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 06/08/2011 18:13

He is offered to do that this morning but that leaves me with the feral 2 yr old. I'm not sure what's worse!!

OP posts:

FromGirders · 06/08/2011 18:55

"2 days to catch up with work and 1 day to chill in the garden"

what you need is your dh to take the kids away for a weekend then
Does he have parents he could take them to visit perhaps?

Or go and book yourself into a hotel and have some lovely space to catch up with whatever, and have a full night's completely uninterrupted sleep

FromGirders · 06/08/2011 18:57

Could he take your dd to the party then take the 2yo to the park or something for the duration of the party?

(Although I'd be wary of this being seen as payback for a whole day out and a rugby match for him - you're still due a proper full day off)

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