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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

URGENT DO I ACCEPT A PRESENT?

99 replies

Mitmoo · 05/08/2011 16:50

Neighbour who has a thing about me for years though he's been told clearly nothing will happen and I will be his friend only. He has had a tough year this year. I noticed he hadn't been seen out, raised the alarm and he was found in his bath being inco-herent and couldn't get out. Clothed and no water in it. I raised the alarm with his family so they went in and found him. Done him other favours driving him places as I do for one other neighbour.

Anyway, he gave me a second hand television which was old a year or so ago but it died. He came in and saw I was watching a small television so I told him the old one had died.

He's knocked the door saying he's been to town and paid cash in full for a new flat screen for me and it will be here at 6.30.

I don't know whether I should accept the gift or not. If I don't I'll hurt him horribly and I don't know whether he could get his money back or not.

Feel like I am in a difficult position.

OP posts:
lovecat · 05/08/2011 18:40

It all happens to you atm, Mitmoo, eh?

valiumredhead · 05/08/2011 18:41

The fact that he has a thing for you as well is yet another reason not to accept his gift!

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 18:45

It's wrong. He's vulnerable. Taking the gift would be taking advantage. What does your own moral conscience tell you mitmoo?

BimboNo5 · 05/08/2011 18:47

Wow another neighbour drama!

2BoysTooLoud · 05/08/2011 18:47

I guess we will find out soon as gone delivery time.
Very tough for op either way.

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 18:51

mitmoo is straight out of a soap opera. Her neighbourhood sounds like Albert square!

MrsCampbellBlack · 05/08/2011 18:53

You really can't accept such a large gift from a vulnerable person - thats really wrong to be honest and doesn't put you in a good light.

Just tell him its too much but a nice bunch of flowers would be much appreciated.

And if you knew where he'd purchased it from I'd have personally phoned them to stop the delivery.

But sounds like you'd made your mind up to keep it.

travellingwilbury · 05/08/2011 18:57

I think you should be very aware that if you accept this gift and still don't become best friends or more with this very vulnerable adult , he may then buy you more and more presents hoping that one of them will do the trick .

You have already said that you are going to buy beer tonight for him and have him in the flat to say thank you . Next time he could go for something more expensive and hope for more from you .

Shutupanddrive · 05/08/2011 18:58

So what happened? Has it been deliver yet?

Shutupanddrive · 05/08/2011 18:58

Delivered

scarletfingernail · 05/08/2011 18:58

Why does the view of your other neighbours make it a dilemma? What on earth is it to do with them?

So despite all your reasons for not wanting to accept it, you will anyway as that's what you think your neighbours think you should do. Hmm

Birdsgottafly · 05/08/2011 19:05

It is wrong of you to accept it.

He is vunerable, he drinks and he would like a relationship with you. Your son is extremely distressed because of this mans attention towards you, what else do you need, to know what you should do?

I cannot beleive that given your DS's reaction, you haven't turned this down.
Where your neighbours there when your son was banging his head against a wall? Why are you consulting them? Did your DS witness these conversations with your neighbours, if not, where was he, if you went to theirs?

It all seems a game to you.

notlettingthefearshow · 05/08/2011 19:07

Can he afford it? If so, it seems like a generous but not ridiculous gift - you have done so much for him.

It's a lovely gesture and no reason to think there are strings attached. He has bought you the present because he wanted to repay your kindness, and moreover bought you something you actually need. He is clearly dependent on you and probably others - he will probably get some satisfaction and confidence from seeing that he can also bring happiness to others.

I would accept it.

InstantAtom · 05/08/2011 19:08

Send it back with the van and tell them to note that "delivery was refused". They'll have to take it back and give a refund.

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2011 19:11

Why was he in bathtub? And why am I the first person to ask that question?

GreenEyesandHam · 05/08/2011 19:13

I absolutely could not accept such a gift under these conditions, no way.

InstantAtom · 05/08/2011 19:15

Give it to a good local cause that all the neighbours will approve of? Local old people's home or school?

Thruaglassdarkly · 05/08/2011 19:15

I was wondering too if he was bipolar as it sometimes manifests itself this way in some people.

Call his family. I'd be struggling with what to do myself in your shoes... Sorry, not much help. Let us know how it pans out.

Birdsgottafly · 05/08/2011 19:16

Re The Bath Tub- sounds like a delusional episode, it may be MH, he may be self medicating with the alcohol or it might be the drink, alone.

Either one should have alarm bells ringing to not accept this gift. It could spark other attention and then the OP will be the worst in the world if she has to call the police/crisis team.

Her DS would be affected by this, also. Is it worth a new television?

BitOfFun · 05/08/2011 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 05/08/2011 19:19

LOL @ internet diagnosis Grin

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 19:22

I'm on tenterhooks. I Wanna know what OP did!!

holeymoley99 · 05/08/2011 19:30

I'm definately thinking she's logged off to watch the soaps on widescreen! LOL ! Good luck whatever you choose to do! ( it is YOUR choice to make you know ! )

Original poster
Mitmoo · 05/08/2011 20:23

OK Update and I am fully prepared to be shot down in flames because I feel as guilty as crap. But I know if I had refused it I would feel 20 x worse.

7.30 ish he turns up at the door with the delivery man, television in delivery man's hands, excited as a kid at Christmas. It turns out it is a second hand television which is initially a huge relief to me from a Cash Converters kind of a place so I am pleased it is not as expensive as a new one.

Not so much of a relief because now I am fairly sure he can't get his money back. So he has a TV he doesn't need and a neighbour who is about to refuse it. I can't do it. I let the delivery man in and set up the TV, I try to offer to pay, he says no, I want to pay half, he says no and won't tell me how much it cost. I can't find out as it is second hand.

Son earlier on has two major upsets over it, banging his head, in the end I get a friend to have him to get him out of the way, this is pre-television delivery.

Son called asked about TV told him I could see wrinkles that I never knew existed pre this tv, he has ditched sleepover and is now at home reassured that no one will ever come into our lives who he doesn't approve of and has set up his Xbox on said TV.

I still feel totally crap.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/08/2011 20:27

OP, how old is your son? I don't like the fact he is dictating things within your family. I know it must be challenging as he has Autism, but I would really hate not being able to make a decision without being questioned by my child.