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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hope that this man leaves his wife for someone nicer?

97 replies

FigsAndWine · 04/08/2011 11:49

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2022098/Could-live-man-whos-let-When-Basia-met-husband-slim-ballooned-love-began-shrivel-away.html

What a horrible woman. Hmm

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 04/08/2011 14:54

Seems to me he was getting fatter and fatter over a 20 year period, and her focus was all the time on HIS LOOKS, and it was only when she started telling him she was concerned for HIS HEALTH that he took notice of her and agreed. How shallow this woman must be, and how dim to try the same tactic for 20 years without giving it more thought. But I could be wrong. Maybe it is the journo who makes her look exceedingly silly.

TheBigJessie · 04/08/2011 15:06

I wouldn't take the Daily Mail's articles as genuine fact. They slant their articles the way they think will make a good story.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/08/2011 15:56

Thanks Figs - you've given me food (no pun intended) for thought.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 16:23

Look at those photos for me again, will you? Is there meant to be 20 years' difference between the wedding photo and the 'after' photo? I just don't understand the timeline at all. In both he looks quite old, in my opinion.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 16:23

Just thinking how little those two needed the money for that article and therefore I really can't think of one reason why they agreed to it.

swallowedAfly · 04/08/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

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DizzyKipper · 04/08/2011 16:35

It does seem to me that the woman was primarily concerned about his looks, not his health which seemed sort of thrown into the article as an afterthought - she mentions his looks, his looks, his looks, then a quick mention his health and how she's "so worried about it" before quickly going back to focusing on his looks again. If his health was her primary concern why wasn't she focusing on it and despairing about it from the start? Why was she instead going on about how ugly he was? Fine if he doesn't seem bothered but she's not somebody I'd want to spare any time on.

joric · 04/08/2011 16:36

YANBU OP

fedupofnamechanging · 04/08/2011 16:40

swallowedAfly, I'm just guessing but I reckon she stayed because her husband is rather rich and she has a very nice life. Perhaps she would be less keen to stay if her husband lost all his money.

Of course, she may be independently wealthy, but she strikes me as the sort of person who wouldn't willingly give up access to all his money too. The trappings of their lifestyle seem very important to her.

swallowedAfly · 04/08/2011 16:43

This reply has been deleted

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joric · 04/08/2011 16:44

Karma- I thought that too!

joric · 04/08/2011 16:46

Not a nice way to talk about someone you 'love'.

fedupofnamechanging · 04/08/2011 16:51

I think it's okay to bitch about women like her. She has put herself in a position that invites comment.

I don't think a person who loves another person, would speak to them in such a nasty, cruel way.

jeckadeck · 04/08/2011 16:55

The thing is he had got to the point where his weight was putting his life at risk. If he had had a four hundred pound a day crack cocaine habit you would have said she was justified in "tough love" for saying he was a reckless junkie who was pissing his life up the wall, for example. So under the circumstances I don't blame her. If he'd just put on a couple of stone she would be out of order. But there are times one has to be harsh to make a point.

paddypoopants · 04/08/2011 17:01

The bit I like is where she says she bought her diet book in Harrods. That'll be a superior diet book than the ones the rest of us buy in ASDA then.

Hardgoing · 04/08/2011 17:04

It's so difficult. My husband is very big now, in the obese rather than overweight category. I still love him, I still fancy him (perhaps a tinsy bit less) but I do wish he would shift the weight. He has a huge belly and it goes everywhere first.

I have tried cooking healthily, tactful remarks, we have talked openly and honestly about weight. Sometimes I snap at him now 'why are you eating that?' when he is on his 5th donught.

Who knows if it was really her insulting him that made him change, after all, she'd been expressing her displeasure for 20 years. My guess is that he simply decided he didn't want to die young for himself, and has been humouring her delusion it was all down to her ever since.

LolaRennt · 04/08/2011 17:06

I know if I came on here and said dh called me those names I'd be rightfully told to leave him. Emotional abuse isn't ok for men. 13 stone for a 6'2 man (what he was when she met him) seems unhealthy anyway isnt it?

Wallissimpson · 04/08/2011 17:06

She was harsh because she loved him and he was killing himself.
And all these assumptions abut her that she is shallow or after his money or botoxed. why? Because she's slim and not fat?
The people I can't bear are those who stand by and watch their partners getting fatter and after , stop sleeping with them but don't actually say why or encourage or support them in any way to lose the weight.

How many times do we read on here women who have put on weight saying their partner has voiced his concerns and everyone piles in about how he should love and shag her fat and all.

Stuff that. I might love him but I d not want a fat lover and I do not want a dead husband so tough love would win.

Wallissimpson · 04/08/2011 17:07

And he called him those names once at the absolute end of her tether.It's not like she's been saying them for years.

Wallissimpson · 04/08/2011 17:08

I'm loving how someone saying, " You fat gross bastard, lose weight" is now, emotional abuse.

Original poster
FigsAndWine · 04/08/2011 17:10

Snapes the article you linked to is shocking. I know how crap the DM is, and how sloppy and manipulative the journalism, but that really is fucking appalling.

nosleeptilbrooklands.blogspot.com/2011/01/true-story-of-daily-mail-lies-guest.html

I will not read the mail online whilst drinking morning tea. There are much better ways to waste ten minutes than reading hate-filled bilge. Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
FigsAndWine · 04/08/2011 17:13

swallowed said "this 'you wouldn't say that if it was a man' tosh is getting really old and boring."

Um, no... pulling people up on hypocrisy and double standards doesn't get old and boring for me. Hmm

Regardless of gender, I think the behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Although maybe she's been terribly misquoted by the DM and is really a loving angel.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 04/08/2011 17:19

Agreed. And the reason people are bringing it up is not because it is some unknown hypothetical, it's because most people will have seen threads on this board which are fairly close to an exact gender reversa where a man has said similar hurtful things and absolutely nobody is posting saying 'he's got a point you know/he's only trying to help'
They will normally say things along the lines of 'and I suppose that prick looks the same now as he did when you married/i suppose he's a greek god/ get thin and leave the bastard/ and how does he think destroying your self-confidence will help you lose weight/you should only lose weight if you want to.....etc."

SnapesMistress · 04/08/2011 17:26

Like I said, the woman has probably been misquoted terribly, people, read te link that both I and Figs have posted.

Xenia · 04/08/2011 17:31

YOu need to find your other half attractive. If fat women on mumsnet (50% of British women are over weight so that will be 50% on this thread) like to con themselves it doesn't matter they can do but it does.

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