To think it's too late to change anything and I've wasted my life and all my daughters lives

[Poweredbypepsi]

Speaking to my daughter today (6 years old) she told me that when she grows up she wants to "just look after my babies like mum". I have never done ANYTHING with my life, I did very well at school and went to a decent university again did well the first two years but by the final year was pregnant with dd and it sort of took a back seat I passed but only with a 2:2. ( was history degree).

I got married to dh settled down, had three more children and am now expecting our 5th ( first 4 planned this one not).I am 27 now. I have helped dh set up his business and secure his career but done nothing myself. No jobs nothing.

Now I am pregnant we have multiple preschool children, I have no work experience, my degree isn't good enough to do any postgraduate courses and I wouldn't get a student loan to do another undergraduate course even if I didn't have childcare to worry about.

I followed in my mums footsteps SAHM ( although she died when I wa 17). And when my first daughter was born I did have a part time shop job but my dad and family made me feel so crap about it (not dh he doesn't mind what I Do) I quit. My dad was always saying "part time worker is part time mother".

Now I have 3 daughters well could be 4 I don't know what my current baby is yet and I have passed on low expectations to them.

I can't see how I can change this now dhs job means he isn't available pretty much any day ( the business is still young takes up alot(!) of time so I jus don't see how I can do anything else now.

Aibu to think I can't change things now?

Sorry haven't read whole thread, but really OP you are blowing this out of proportion.

I am a WOHM, with a senior job, and my DD (5) tells me she wants to be a mum when she grows up. Its just what DCs want to do when they are little.

Get some perspective. Your life is not over FFS - you are TWENTY SEVEN! My mum was a SAHM for all of my childhood (in fact has not worked since she was 24!), and as far as I can see it did not negatively effect my choices in any way.

Same here except I dropped out of uni. 3 children and a move across the world due to DH's job later and I am going back to uni. Not everyone travels the same path, look at what you have achieved and what is still to come.

OP - you and I are only a year apart in age, I'm also married with a DC.

From reading about you being a SAHM to (almost 5) kids, I take my hat off to you! I'm also a SAHM - through choice I packed in my degree when DS was born and decided to stay at home - and I sometimes struggle with one, never mind 5!!

But my ponderings lead me to ask: since when did having a glittering CV = a good and ambitious person? Surely there is more to life than how many grades you have and certificates?

You seem to be doing a great thing raising your kids, and being a support to your DH while he works. Enjoy these years!

Five kids is a huge workload and maybe for now thats what you do and you figure out what to do "after" if you want something else.

I must admit I came to this post expecting it to be an older woman with grown children who have made bad life choices and who blames herself for their problems.

You are 27!!!!!

Even by the time this baby is totally on its own feet you will only be 45. I know that sounds ages away just now. But it isnt. I think what might cheer you up (if you can find the time!) is to figure out what you want to do with your life over all and have a wee plan for it.

And take your daughter wanting to be a mum as a compliment. I work full time, study, and train 6 days a week and still my youngest is adamant that all she wants is a house full of children (despite never playing with a baby doll ever!).

What is wrong with a 2:2 degree?

I don't think six year olds have any perception of what is a "successful" life path. They just look up to their mum. You have plenty of time to pursue a career if you want to. At the moment you are doing a very valid and important job and no doubt your education and life experience enhances that.

GET A GRIP WOMAN ! sorry if thats harsh ,but you are 27 , you will be 33 tops when this baby goes to school , plenty young enough to retrain ,do another degree , start up a global multi million pound company ,the list is endless ,or you could take a year out ,sit back on your laurels and relax . Dont let those pesky pregnancy hormones get you down

You are just 27 with a degree, three healthy kids and the rest of your life ahead of you.
For goodness sake, you need to have a word with yourself! I know it can be a grind with young kids but by the time they're in school, you'll have time to start exploring options for your future.
There are thousands of opportunities to be had in life but those with a "can do" attitude are the ones who make it.

Think that comment by your dad was bollocks by the way.

There is nothing to say you cannot start your career at 40 when your children are older.

What better job than bringing up DCs? Why is paid employment better? You are really young-plenty of time later. Don't try and live through your DCs-get out there and do it yourself. (your Dad's attitude is ridiculous-ignore)

Hi Poweredbypepsi :) I imagine part of why you are feeling so low is the sickness, it is terrible and I sympathise.
If postgraduate study is something you are considering, a 2:2 need not hold you back. I know many people who have been successful with 2:2, 3rd or no degree and I work at a Uni so it must be true .

There are plenty of part time, 10 week courses available when your children are odler. I am embarking on a new direction at 41 studying in the eveing and desperately hoping I get a job for an accounts trainee. YOu have more than a few years on me.

I've not read the whole thread either but just wanted to add also that I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I remember when my DSD was 4 and she told me when she grew up, she wanted to be a lion! You could argue I'm therefore a worse parent!

I have a 2.2, also in History and am also 27 so felt compelled to post - granted I haven't made the same life choices as you which I understand will restrict your career choices but just wanted to say that whilst a 2.2 isn't a 2.1 it isn't the end of the world either. I spent a couple of years in a 'dead end' job after uni but am now doing quite well having found a graduate position and am also studying for a masters alongside work (something i wouldn't have thought possibly just 2 years ago).
My point is that you seem quite negative and already think your fate is sealed, like others have said you are only 27, this seems like a very young age to sign your life away. Perhaps you need to focus on what it is you want, is it post education/a particular career and then take steps to make it happen - it won't happen by thinking it won't happen. Would also think that a discussion with your Dp is needed - if you have supported him for so long, will he will be be willing to support you with the children if for examples you did decide to go back to uni etc
Good Luck!

What a lovely compliment from your dd that she wants to be like you, remeber it when she wants to be a fairy next week. And an astranaut the week after!

An interesting spin on mummy guilt. Normally it's working parents worrying about stunting their children's development!

FWIW, I work as a research scientist. Women in my family are doctors, teachers etc. My DD (7) has been certain for at least the last 12 months that her ambition is to have a cake shop. This is no idle day dream: it's written up in her school notes, she has notebooks of recipes, she invites friends round to sample. I'm delighted for her of course, but it's not an aspiration that's come from me!

W.r.t. You, as many people have said, you are young enough for another bite at the professional cherry. However, I really wouldn't underestimate how much you are contributing to your daughters lives by raising them. I read somewhere that the education level of the mother is the biggest single correlate in the education level of the children.

I would advise that you focus on passing on excitement and enthusiasm about the world. SAHM doesn't have to mean that your horizons crash in to cup cakes and nappies. I'd make a point of books in the home, fiction and non fiction. In particular, myself, I make an effort to visibly read (I.e. Have a book on my bedside table). There are also fantastic things you will have the skills to bring alive for your kids e.g. Historical days out, role plays etc.

I'd also say that with as many kids as you have, you can't help but pass on a work ethic, which is something that transcends circumstance.

Op, my mum has always been a SAHM and my dad.a 9-5 plumber. I am an investment banker, high salary, nice house in London etc. My mum and dad have no real understanding of what I do but made it possible by giving me a loving base and instilling a love of learning in me.

Everything I have achieved is down to what they have given me in love and time, so please don't think that by being a SAHM mum, you will not be inspiring them. You will be providing the environment to help them flourish and let them believe they can achieve anything they want.

My SIL is effectively a property developper.She was up a ladder 8 months pregnant - and back up with 2wks post partum (baby in a bouncy chair watching her!). Her older DD (9) asked me 'are women allowed to have jobs once they are in a relationship' .

You sound a bit depressed to me, and being pregnant with your fifth must feel like a long haul again to go through.

You might not realize your greatness yet - but bringing up 4 nearly 5 little individuals - you don't get more worthwhile than that.

And you'll get your chance still to to do something for you, but yes, right now it is hard, though definately worthwhile. You're probably mourning your 20s almost gone by the time your 5th child is still a baby.

Just turn it the other way around. Many women get the career and have DCs at 40+ ,you have had them early and you can do the career later-it is never too late. Speaking as an older mother, I think there is a lot to be said for having DCs earlier.

FootprintsOnTheMoon Your SIL isn't sarah beeney is she?!

She's actually Sarah Beeny's long lost twin: she has many girls whereas SB has many boys.

Together they balance the universe and make it a better decorated place.