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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried this might have been a threat

20 replies

AnotherJaffaCake · 03/08/2011 18:33

Would you take someone saying to you "you won't be here for much longer" in a menacing way to be a threat? Our neighbour hates me because he says I didn't say hello to him once. Yes, I know - really it is just for that reason - he shouted it at me the other day. Prior to that we'd had a major falling out with him accusing us of all sorts of crimes against him (quite frankly I think he's a psycho, and has a security camera trained on us) and as far as I was concerned we weren't speaking to him anymore. I've had wobbly legs ever since. Am I being daft?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 18:35

do you rent? does he mean he's going to report you?

Kayano · 03/08/2011 18:36

Depends on context I guess
Was it mid conversation? Did he randomly walk up to you and say it?
No idea

AgentZigzag · 03/08/2011 18:36

What exactly happened when he said it?

Birdsgottafly · 03/08/2011 18:41

He may think that he has evidence that will get you evicted, if you rent. Does he appear to have MH problems?

Original poster

AnotherJaffaCake · 03/08/2011 18:54

No we don't rent - we own, and so does he. I don't want to go into too many details, but can say no he didn't randomly walk up to me and say it. It was at the end of a row in which he was being extremely unreasonable. In context I took it to be menacing. I think he probably does have some mental health issues, hence the security camera trained on our front door, and the sneaking about watching us and listening to us when we're in the garden - we've seen him doing it, in case anyone thinks I'm the psycho. I guess I just don't know what to think really. DH thinks he probably did mean it, knowing what he's like.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 18:56

who else lives with him?

Oakmaiden · 03/08/2011 19:01

Hey - did you know that if he has actually trained his security camera on your front door then he is breaching your human rights and thus breaking the law? here

Just thought you might be interested.

But also he sounds deranged. But you seem to have a lot of rows with him - it does take 2 people to have a row....

Oakmaiden · 03/08/2011 19:02

Also, I was once told that in legal terms a "threat" is anything which the victim feels to have been threatening. So if you feel threatened, then it was legally a threat. iyswim.

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 19:04

I think you need to get some advice here. The first thing to do is take notes of everything, record everything. Dates times witnesses, don't be afraid to go the police to get advice. If you are made to fear for your life, then you fear for your life because of his actions. I'd definately go to the police for advice if nothing else.

InFlames · 03/08/2011 19:05

He sounds a bit - ok a lot - paranoid but might just be an unpleasant person. I would probably give the local community policeman a bell - purely because a friend has similar issues with a neighbour and when she contacted the local police they came over and warned her he had a long history of harassment with no diagnosable MH issue, hence they would be happy to come and have a word with him if ever friend was worried. I'd also keep a written log of what's said and the history. Hope you're ok.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 03/08/2011 19:08

If you've got children and are concerned for their safety then I should think you're well within your rights to report your concerns to the police. You should certainly keep a written record of incidents like this.

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 19:10

leo even if she is concerned for her own safety she should go to the police. No one should have to live in fear. But yes it is worse when you also have children to worry about.

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 19:11

having 'children 'doesnt make a crime or a threat any greater!!

Original poster

AnotherJaffaCake · 03/08/2011 19:46

Oakmaiden thanks for the advice about security cameras. Unfortunately he starts rows, and the most recent event I rose to the bait, but really wish I hadn't, as I know it was what he was trying to do. We've got young children. Our worries are starting to affect DD who is quite sensitive anyway, and she's on edge all the time now. I think I might ask some advice of the local community police officer. Ultimately we will probably try to sell and move house without it becoming a full blown neighbour problem, as it would make it extremely hard to sell with a declared neighbour dispute. I know for a fact he's aggravated other people around here, so we're not alone, but no-one else has attempted to involve the police.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/08/2011 22:30

Having only oneself to worry about is materially different to having oneself and dc to worry about in these situations TIFFANY, and your comment offers no reassurance to a parent who is worried that their dc may be caught in the crossfire of their disagreement with an unreasonable/unpredictable neighbour.

YANBU and you are not being daft to take this seriously Cake, but you would be daft not to. I suspect that your neighbour feels free to behave unreasonably whenever he feels the urge because, by and large, he's gone unchallenged over a considerable period of time.

Have a talk with your community police officer asap - hopefully, one visit from the law will serve to put the unreasonable twat back in his box and calm your nerves.

10poundstogo · 03/08/2011 23:13

You can log with the police so there's a bit of a trail if it escalates but don't expect them to be able to do bugger all about it. Sadly no law that they can enforce about people being nice or reasonable or able to negotiate in an adult way..

Try and keep your perspective, hard I know, but he's a gob shite by the sound of it. Just ignore him and don't react to anything he does and get own with your life.

catpark · 03/08/2011 23:17

I would report the security camera thing. It is illegal for him to have it pointing at your house, filming you.

ImperialBlether · 03/08/2011 23:25

I'd report his camera and get your own, filming your own immediate area. A little sign up saying you are filming is all you need.

I would speak to the police about his threats, too. Get them on record and let him know they are on record.

dodo12 · 04/08/2011 19:47

i understand totally what youre going through.I went through the same thing with nutter next door neighbour and her lovely family,boyfriend hangers on..
basically her family threatened me with the charming words 'you'll be dead soon and 'you'd better watch yourself because your nothing' and many many more, a favourite from them was' youd better watch your kids and your cats,'.Now i have a heart condition and live 100's of miles away from family and my husband was working away at the time so this is what I did and I suggest you do the same,ring the non emergency police explain you have been verbally threatened and are worried for your safety-if they are like mine they will come out and have a word with the neighbour-my nutter neighbour was lucky enough to be cautioned by the police as she got arsey with them so they were in no doubt.The police also said your never going to be best mates with these people so its better to report them than suffer,cos they'll find something else to have a go at you for and a person can be arrested for 2 counts of verbal threats.

muminthemiddle · 04/08/2011 20:11

I would do as others have said and ring the police.
How do you know he is not dangerous (sorry not trying to spook you). He could have been in prison for all you know.
The camera thing wants reporting and so too does the fact that he is snooping on you and your children.
I think I would blank him completely tbh, say nothing to him and then you are not legally in the wrong.

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