to remember fondly when weddings were one day events...

[excitedLJ]

standby for a bit of a rant, I didn't sleep well and was woken by a text from this friend.....

My friend is getting married in Scotland (where we are from but neither of us lives anymore) in September and I am a bridesmaid. She was a bm for me last year and was absolutely horrible but i'm trying to not hold that against her. The issue is that I will be 7 1/2 months pregnant at the time and we have just been given the itinerary - she has picked a hotel for us and reserved rooms for the thursday night as they are having a groomsmans dinner, the friday night as they are having a rehearsal dinner and the saturday for the actual wedding. The room on Thursday is £120, Friday is £140 and she is paying for Sat. The men are going on a whisky tour on Fri followed by golf - £60. Girls are off to a spa £50. Not to mention petrol money to get there and back and 2 pretty maternity dresses for the dinners and a gift. I have no idea how we are going to afford this.

Is it unreasonable to think that there is no need for all the other bits - which clearly as a bm I am obligated to attend - and it really only needs to be about the day??

"knew" :)

It depends a bit - I am totally with you on just doing the bits you want to do and no more, but you kind of owe her if she spent lots of time/money on your wedding.... What was involved last time?

Even if she was awful (and she sounds horrific!) I think you need to factor in what she spent on you and at least match it.

Give her the slip. As someone pointed out, use your BP as a get out clause now and get this piano case off your back once and for all.

I had a 'friend' as a bm who also behaved awfully at my wedding and your bm sounds even worse. I cut all contact with mine after the wedding (her behaviour at that was just the last straw after months of nasty comments and unhelpfulness).

You being a bm is not (just) an 'honour', it is also a favour on your part, especially if it involves extra time and expenditure on your part. Do what suits you and don't be ashamed - all those social events are supposed to be fun and, presumably, optional. The wedding is the only compulsory bit, all the rest is americanised nonsense. if she was paying, then she could insist on your attendance, but as she isn;t

But then maybe I'm a bit brutal... however I made special arrangements at my wedding for those friends whom I knew could not afford hotels and all bridesmaids and ushers (whose attendance was more compulsory) got free accommodation for the weekend (God bless my best friend's dad, although he seemed to have fun with the groom and his boys! lol).

yanbu

A wedding should be one day wherever possbile

A hen/stag do should be one evening.