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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think locked-out neighbour was rude?

23 replies

Onlyboys · 01/08/2011 21:23

I am home with my 4-day old DS and noticed out of the window, across the street a neighbour sat on her doorstep, looking at her mobile.

I don't know her really, but picked up my DS and went over, asked her if she was locked out and if she wanted to wait in my house. She said no as her OH was on his way back and wasn't far. So we had a chat about how easy it is to leave keys in a different handbag after the weekend etc.
I am wearing, shall we call them 'comfy BF clothes' and my hair is swiped up in a pony-tail so I didn't want to hang about and I thought she may be embarrassed to be locked out. So, I just said 'well as long as you're alright. If he is held up or it starts to rain (it looked likely), just give me a knock, you're welcome to wait in my house'. And she just said 'OK'. So I said to my DS, 'Let's get you back in the house then', and walked quickly home.

She did not say thanks for offer, for thinking of her when I am clearly busy, or ask after my DS, not even his name.
Embarrassed or rude?

OP posts:

bananasplitz · 01/08/2011 21:25

why should she ask after your child? she had other things on her mind

but i agree would have cost her nothing to thank you for the offer

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 01/08/2011 21:25

YANBU! But it sounds like she was pretty stressed - I have a habit of forgetting social niceties when I'm stressed.

LemonDifficult · 01/08/2011 21:28

OB, 4 day old?! Go easy on yourself. With my two DCs that was my baby blues day and I was very, very sensitive

iscream · 01/08/2011 21:30

She should have said thanks-you for your concern, but other than that, no, she wasn't rude.
I would definitely have been admiring the baby, and asking about him, if that helps! :)

bubblesincoffee · 01/08/2011 21:32

She should have said thankyou.

But she wasn't rude not to ask after your baby. Your baby is the centre of the universe to you, but she obviously had her mind on other things.

Congratulations!

usualsuspect · 01/08/2011 21:34

She was probably embarrassed or stressed or both

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 01/08/2011 21:34

She's obviously not as easy as you are about talking to people she doesn't know in a stressful situation.
How long have you been neighbours?
I don't think she was rude, but if you think so it is unlikely you are going to be friends. Let it go.

thisisyesterday · 01/08/2011 21:43

i don't think she was being rude.
yes, it would have been nice if she'd thanked you for your offer... but asking after the baby? no

not everyone goes gooey over babies. I know he is the centre of your universe, but to be (brutally) honest, she probably just doesn't care about him!

but good on you for going over and offering, that was a really nice thing to do

Original poster

Onlyboys · 01/08/2011 21:44

We have been neighbours at least a couple of years, we have exchanged Christmas cards and say hello of a morning (when I was going to work) but I couldn't recall her name when speaking to her. I doubt she was that stressed if she knew her OH was on his way.

I just think the lack of a thankyou - to anyone - is rude. In my mind I was saving her from our nosey neighbour, you know the curtain twitcher of the street, if she had got her hands on her she would still have been on her step at bedtime listening to whether No 17's caravan is parked in the right spot or not!

Don't worry - I am taking it easy, though I feel like an effort to be a good neighbour was wasted, more fool me.

OP posts:

festi · 01/08/2011 21:47

I dont think she was neither embarrased nor rude. she seemed polite enough. I would have offered like you, but like your neighbour I probably would not have taken up the offer my self either if someone was on their way. You are over thinking this.

usualsuspect · 01/08/2011 21:47

It was nice of you .but she might of thought you were a curtain twitcher tbh

snippywoo2 · 01/08/2011 21:51

In my mind I was saving her from our nosey neighbour,

maybe in her mind you were the nosy neighbour lol just joking

festi · 01/08/2011 21:51

although I do think it is unusual she didnt congratualte you etc on your new arrival. but maybe her mind was else where and she is now thinking, shit, I didnt acknowledge that woman at no13 had her baby.

LemonDifficult · 01/08/2011 21:56

festi is right, you're overthinking this and if she's thought of it at all, she'll be regretting not asking after the new baby.

OrangeHat · 01/08/2011 22:04

Agree with festi.

Not everyone is great at saying the right thing at the right time. She was friendly, you had a chat, all good!

Better maybe than when I had my DD1 and went out to the bin on about day 4, and next doors builders who had interestedly watched my belly growing over some months and had a chat most days etc, asked me when the baby was going to come...

MumblingRagDoll · 01/08/2011 22:18

Oh I remember this happening to me! My DD was brand new and I went to collect DD1 from nursery and there was a group of women whom I did not know....not ONE of the bitches came and said anything....ok they didn't know me but the pram was fecking shiny and new and not one of them came up to me.

I was very upset...in hindsight I can see them...standing in a small huddle all gossiping...and I think, as I got to know them all later....and they actually were very nice women...I think somethiing had just happened with one of the teachers at nursery ad they happened to be very preoccupied....and I was hormonal....it was upsetting but as I got to know these women I now know they didn't mean to hurt me...but were very preoccupied on that day.

ANyway...congratulations on your DS....all the luck in the world to you!

RevoltingPeasant · 01/08/2011 22:24

YANBU to expect at least 'Oh, thanks anyway' but tbh, if you had a friendly chat and she was preoccupied, she probably thinks she said thanks somewhere in the middle of that.

Congrats anywho - get back to thinking about the really important stuff :)

thursday · 01/08/2011 22:52

mumblingragdoll you still think a group of women you didnt know should have approached you??? why would they? not everyone is interested in the children of strangers, new pram or not.

OP, it really wouldnt have killed her to say thanks, thats only polite. maybe she's shit at small talk? i am, i would quite probably have forgotten to mention your baby because i draw a blank on what to say when caught unawares.

slugger · 01/08/2011 22:57

Yes, she should have thanked you

And ideally noticed your teeny baby. But she was probably really stressed and not in the mood for small talk and didn't clock that your baby was brand new

Congratulations on your son. It was nice of you to offer her help

WhatsWrongWithYou · 01/08/2011 23:06

I just wanted to say, I'm jealous of your neighbour having you as her neighbour. When I locked myself out of the house (had picked up totally the wrong keys and couldn't pick DS up from school or take him to the party he'd been invited to), I practically had to barge in to next door's house, as when I knocked and explained my predicament she gave a 'face - bothered?' look and clearly had no intention of offering me any help whatsoever.

She probably thought I was rude and a pita, but there was no way I was leaving without trying to find a locksmith to get me back inside.

Keep being nice and neighbourly - the world needs people like you .

CurrySpice · 01/08/2011 23:13

I think 4 days after giving birth your view of the world may be ...erm...skewed :o

Congratulations btw!

MumblingRagDoll · 02/08/2011 00:50

Thursday....er no....as I said, in hindsight they were preoccupied. But it was a tiny nursery....we were new...it looked rude. Me arriving into their midst...as the newest Mum there...and them..4 or 5 of hem not akcnowledging me.

Its not like a normal busy nursery but a very tiny private one.

emptyshell · 02/08/2011 07:57

Perhaps there were reasons that she didn't jump to admire the baby? I don't - I can't do it for reasons people on here should know about (and at least understand cos god-knows you don't get empathy) - I just try to be polite and get the hell away from the situation before it upsets me. Perhaps she's had someone of the sort on here who get indignant at someone looking at their baby funny (AIBU to be really pissed off a friendly old lady dared say hello to my child) rip her head off in the past so keeps well away for fear of pissing someone else off. Perhaps she was just really stressed trying to get hold of someone to let her back into her house and wasn't functioning straight.

Newsflash - the rest of the world does not revolve around your baby.

Also a shocking revelation - some people don't actually LIKE babies or small children, some people don't know how to feel comfortable around them and try to keep their distance.

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