Do I pay the money?

[SacreLao]

Right bit of a situation this morning that has left me confused as to what to do and your help!

My mum looked after my daughter this morning who is 8 years old, had an appointment so asked her to babysit for an hour which she did.

During this time (and all this is information I have just found out) my mum let her play on her facebook account (my mum's account, my daughter is too young and not allowed one) on a game called Farmville.

I don't allow my daughter to play Facebook games at all, my mum dosn't know that I don't allow it as it has never been spoke about but I have never said I allow it either.

Anyway whilst playing on Facebook my daughter has managed to spend just over £70 from my mum's bank acocunt!

I enquired as to how this had happened and my mum explained that her card details are saved with Facebook as she pays for a few games and it means that no passwords etc. are required to buy items on these games hence my daughter was able to do it.

My mum came round very angry as her bank account has been emptied and made it clear she expects me to give her the money back. I do not under any circumstances have £70 to just hand someone, we are seriously struggling financially at the moment.

Here is my thoughts:

1. It was my mum who gave my daughter permission to play the game on her account, not me.
2. My mum was the person in charge watching my daughter at this time and so should have been supervising what she was doing online and not leaving her to do what she wants.
3. My mum was the one to save her card details to facebook and then give an 8 year old permission to play the game knowing they are stored.

What the hell do I do?

My mum has a nasty temper and I know full well if I refuse to pay this money it will all kick off, she has been known to make threats, bad mouth me to family, call social services with false reports etc. On top of this she has told my sister what happened who immediately sent me a text message saying you had better get that money quick to give her back.

They are all fuming at my daughter for doing this, she is 8 years old for god sake and had no idea what she was doing, it was the first time she had played the game, she did not know it charges real money!

Should I:

1. Pay the whole bill - would have to borrow money to do so
2. Pay half the bill - would have to borrow again but more managable
3. Refuse to pay - huge big kick off and family fall out

What would you do if it was your child?
What would you do if you were the person who this had happened to (ie. your grandchild)?

The only circumstances under which it would be reasonable for you to pay would be if you knew that DD meant to spend that money i.e. she knew how the game worked, and was being dishonest.

That's plainly not the case here.

Case dismissed!

Thank you everyone.

I do think i'm being silly wanting to pay to avoid the argument, but as my partner has just pointed out to me, it's only a matter of time until we have an argument anyway.

I have just found out that I am pregnant :) Me and my partner have been having fertility treatment using a donor and it finally worked!

My mum has always said she will disown me if I have another child (she dosn't agree with gay couples having children) so once we start to tell people in a couple of months all hell will break loose, might as well do it now instead lol.

I am going to offer to pay half and that's it, if an argument breaks out which I can guarantee will then I will withdraw my offer of paying half and it's just tough!

I will do what others have suggested and try contacting facebook / zynga myself first however.

Oh and to the person who asked, yes I am sure of the amount, my mum brought a statement round to show me. My daughter purchased 650 farmcash and spent about 300 of it on a unicorn lol.

My daughter as mentioned earlier has never played any facebook game to understand that you can pay with real money as would never have done it on purpose as she wouldn't have known you can do this in the first place. She is distraught about it and has offered to have no presents (it's her 9th birthday in a month) to pay the money back (bless her). I of course told her no, it's not her fault.

If anything it is you who should be angry with her for allowing an eight year old on Facebook.

My Mum would never ask for money for something one of her grandchildren had done regardless of who was to blame.

Have mostly only read OP's posts...
I would offer to pay half, because it's a learning curve for both of you & I wouldn't expect the older generation to foresee this problem as well as my generation does. But tell her that if anything remotely like this ever happens again: your DD buys a castle on Ebay, she spends $2billion on Mooshi Monsters, she orders a pony -- any of that using Granny's online account, then Granny pays the full bill.

I would write your mother out of your life
She is a shit babysitter and makes your poor dd feel bad for her own mistakes, she maliciously reports you to ss - seriously, cut your losses here.

You are not morally obliged to pay anything to your mother here and if you are happy to have her out of your life then pay the entire bill or give her nothing, whichever is most comfortable for you.

Sorry to hear that your mother treats you and dd in this way .

If your mum is homophobic and vindictive as you say then you really shouldn't have her in your DCs' lives to be honest - so if she cuts you off over this it saves you a job. I can't understand grown adults who play farmville and cafeworld etc how juvenile. Your mum was 100% in the wrong and you must not pay.

Lol ragged, buying a castle :)

My daughter is saying she will never go on facebook again so no worries there, she really is upset. She has a good understanding of how much money is (as she knows we never have it at the minute) so knows it will be a lot to pay back.

Congratulations! :) That's so exciting, bugger your mother!

All respect to your DD buying a unicorn though :o

My mum isn't homophobic as such, her view is she dosn't care what I do but she dosn't want to see it. She prefers to think of my partner as my friend and does not like people to know her daugher is gay (she will never voluntaraly tell someone) and has been known to make me up a fake husband lol.

She dosn't exactly say it to me all the time but when the topic of marriage or children etc. comes up she makes her view known.

I don't want to cut her out of my life, as hard as she makes things sometimes, she is my mother and I obviously love her. She has well known mental health issues and I must admit a lot of her behavior I can't help thinking she would be different if it wasn't for these issues.

Oh I don't know, I suppose I defend her a lot and bow down to her a lot. I'm just so not argumentative and I hate bad feeling between people. I have to stand me ground here though, I just can't afford it!

Big Congratulations to you Sacre And as for your mum, sounds like you would be better off severing all contacts. Zynga should refund the money - ds (5 at the time) purchased 80 quids worth of 'pearls' to play the Fishies game - who in their right mind would do that for real? It taught us that kids (adults too I have since found out) think its 'fake' money and in no way tied to your itunes account. It also taught us to have a hack impossible itunes password.

Lol Gwendoline, my thoughts as well.

When I asked her what she bought and she told me a unicorn, I couldn't help but smile. Just sums my daughter up perfectly wanting a unicorn on her little farm lol.

sorry OP, x posted - mums eh. I dont like mine but I love her - nastieness and all.

Mrsrochester - did you manage to get the money back?

I'm going to try phoning myself and using the whole threat of trading standards and saying they entered into a contract with a child etc. what other posters have suggested.

Wow congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

And no, you don't owe her a penny. So she has mental health issues. That still doesn't mean you have to accept her shit nonsense.

"My mum isn't homophobic as such"

Sorry, but she is. I don't profess to know your own mother better than you do, but she sounds very homophobic to me, on the information you've given us. Homophobic (amongst other things) means believing that gay people aren't entitled to the same basic rights as the reast of us i.e PDAs/marriage/children.

I also know what it's like to have a toxic mother so you have my total sympathy. I wish I had the strength to tell her to bugger off permanently.

I don't think you should feel you have to pay anything, but I understand that sometimes it is hard to stick to what is right if it might upset family.

I hope you have some luck talking to Facebook. Congratulations on the pregnancy too!

Aaw I really feel for your DD - mine has just turned 9 and would have been really upset by the experience too.

DD plays Moshi Monsters and I've made it clear to her that she must never click anything asking for payment in anything other than Rox, or click on any windows that pop up.

That said, if she clocked up £70 playing it when I was not supervising her, that would be my fault. She's only young, and children make mistakes.

TBH, I am stuggling to understand why someone old enough to be a grandmother is playing games on the internet

(slight) tongue in cheek comment aside, this is your mother's fault - she clearly wasn't watching what your DD was doing when minding her, so she has to live with that. If it cost her £70, she won't do it again, will she?!
Don't pay.

sacre yes we did.
Took two weeks because iTunes had to speak to the games folk and so on. All we did was call them (iTunes) and explain it was a child who purchased the games currency and they said they would look into it.
And we got refunded.
Common sense has to prevail - unless your mum has a purchase history to die for on zynga games.
Give iTunes a call and do not give up until they refund the account.
I think zynga got their knuckles for not making it obvious you were purchasing real games currency.

Clearly it's not your fault as you weren't there, and only a complete thicko would think it was ( sorry )

if it were me I'd say ' hey mum, me and DP are having a baby !'

if she goes mental and disownes you the money that SHE is responsible for is no longer an issue.

.... and if you do pay, ask for the Unicorn back