Do I pay the money?

[SacreLao]

Right bit of a situation this morning that has left me confused as to what to do and your help!

My mum looked after my daughter this morning who is 8 years old, had an appointment so asked her to babysit for an hour which she did.

During this time (and all this is information I have just found out) my mum let her play on her facebook account (my mum's account, my daughter is too young and not allowed one) on a game called Farmville.

I don't allow my daughter to play Facebook games at all, my mum dosn't know that I don't allow it as it has never been spoke about but I have never said I allow it either.

Anyway whilst playing on Facebook my daughter has managed to spend just over £70 from my mum's bank acocunt!

I enquired as to how this had happened and my mum explained that her card details are saved with Facebook as she pays for a few games and it means that no passwords etc. are required to buy items on these games hence my daughter was able to do it.

My mum came round very angry as her bank account has been emptied and made it clear she expects me to give her the money back. I do not under any circumstances have £70 to just hand someone, we are seriously struggling financially at the moment.

Here is my thoughts:

1. It was my mum who gave my daughter permission to play the game on her account, not me.
2. My mum was the person in charge watching my daughter at this time and so should have been supervising what she was doing online and not leaving her to do what she wants.
3. My mum was the one to save her card details to facebook and then give an 8 year old permission to play the game knowing they are stored.

What the hell do I do?

My mum has a nasty temper and I know full well if I refuse to pay this money it will all kick off, she has been known to make threats, bad mouth me to family, call social services with false reports etc. On top of this she has told my sister what happened who immediately sent me a text message saying you had better get that money quick to give her back.

They are all fuming at my daughter for doing this, she is 8 years old for god sake and had no idea what she was doing, it was the first time she had played the game, she did not know it charges real money!

Should I:

1. Pay the whole bill - would have to borrow money to do so
2. Pay half the bill - would have to borrow again but more managable
3. Refuse to pay - huge big kick off and family fall out

What would you do if it was your child?
What would you do if you were the person who this had happened to (ie. your grandchild)?

Your Mum will have had to give her the password. You don't sign kids into facebook linked to live accounts.

There is no question that this is your mum's own silly fault. She should have either supervised your dd or disabled the function allowing her to buy stuff - she did neither, so she must take the consequences.

However, I do think that it would be worth her contacting the makers of the game and explaining what has happened, and they may, as a good will gesture, refund some or all of the money.

We had a similar situation when ds3 signed up for some music updates on his mobile phone - dh rang them up and pointed out that they were making a 'contract' with a 12-year-old, and that he was legally too young to make this arrangement with them, and they refunded the money. It might be worth a go.

when i say accustomed, i mean she didn't knwo the rules and your mum didn't check this with her.

Also I am not in the slightest bit worried about losing a babysitter, she NEVER looks after my children anyway.

This is actually the first time in about 4/5 years and it was just because of an appointment. My daughter was supposed to coming with me but we popped to my mum's first and when it was time to leave my daughter asked to stay and I asked my mum who agreed.

I have a very strong 'I will stand on my own 2 feet' attitude so wouldn't be losing anything by falling out, just don't like the argument :(

The threats and social services calls were after a fall out several years ago in which I refused to lie about my relationship status to a friend of hers (I am in a lesbian relationship and my mum asked me not to mention it, I agreed but said if she asks me partner's name etc. I am not going to lie, why should I? I'm not ashamed. Of course it came up and when said friend mentioned it to my mum all hell broke loose).

Spot on BooyHoo, she was playing the cafeworld game when we arrived, I would have thought she'd turn it off when we left.

She did not show my daughter how to play the game, just logged her in and told her to play. My daughter assumed it was the same as a game she plays at home (zoo tycoon) where you spend pretend money on animals etc)

I think your mum is in the wrong here but I feel for all of you. What a horrible situation.

As another poster said I would perhaps offer half as a peace offering if you don't want a big fall out.

Your DM has been a bit lax here though and should have thought it through before letting your DD on facebook unsupervised.

Sacre print off this thread and give it to your Mum. You might want to black out some of your own comments but everyone thinks your Mum is in the wrong.

That's irresponsible behaviour on your mother's part so why is she not apologising to you for leaving your daughter unsupervised on the computer in the first place?
!00% wouldn't give her the money. If she says you're being unreasonable, show her this thread!
She sounds like a nightmare.

When I used to play Farmville you had to pay by Paypal. I've just looked at it again and there is an option to pay with a card but it asks for an email address first off. I'm not going any further with it but I'm a bit dubious that your dd could buy credits without having to enter any info at all.

If it is the case that you can, then your mother is very very stupid and, quite frankly needs a lesson in internet security and deserves to lose the money. I don't think you should pay any of it. It's her stupidity that caused it.

Mitmoo - No she didn't give her the password, my mum signed her in and then told her to play. You don't need a password to pay once it's saved in. I didn't believe this but have checked and it's true!

My mum to be fair would not have thought about the fact that an 8 year should not be on facebook anyway and certainly wouldn't have considered that this would happen.

Your daughter is a child who was just playing a game on the computer. Your Mum allowed this to happen by failing to stop it from happening. She is completely responsible.

If you can cope with the fallout, stand your ground and refuse to pay. You will be in the right.

If you'd rather try and keep the peace offer to pay half as a goodwill gesture but make it clear that you are still not accepting responsibility.

There is no way you should be expected to pay £70, you weren't even there!

Gwendoline - My mum has it set to save her card details, this is to save her time when she pays for her own games. I managed to make a purchase in order to test it ( a tiny 99p one) and it took me 2 clicks in my mums account as all info is saved.

Very silly of her I know, especially as her facebook password is also saved into her browser. All someone needs to do is steal her laptop to have full access.

wouldn't be losing anything by falling out, just don't like the argument

Ah, that's different then. I'm changing to 3).

£35 is definitely too much to pay to avoid an argument in this case. And seeing as how any goodwill betweeen the two of you is pretty negligible...

Tell her to take more care of her account in future - and more responsibility around children. And if you don't invoice her for for this 'priceless' advice, then make it very clear you're doing her a favour. Good luck!

After your latest post, I would most definitely tell her to suck it up.

No, you are not responsible for the money.

If your mother becomes aggressive and nasty because of it then it just means she is trying to bully you into acquiescing - who wants a mother around like that?

Dump her if she is aggressive to you - you do not deserve it (you sound great)

First of all, you really mustn't pay for this, it's a lesson for your mum (in theory - she doesn't really sound bright enough to learn tbh)

Secondly, you should contact the games company and tell them what happened and ask them to consider refunding it. They should be able to see from the size of the spend that it was unlikely to have been a normal player. If they get difficult, say you'll contact Trading Standards who are usually pretty good with things like this.

You should be able to get the money back for your mother. Are you certain of the amount for when you call the company? She doesn't sound that trustworthy...

I meant the post asking you to pretend you were in a relationship with Nigel rather than Nigella

OK well I stand corrected. In that case your mother is stupid (sorry!). Maybe this might teach her to be a bit more careful.

What would Judge Judy say?

"You don't owe her this money!"

And quite frankly, people who make false reports to social services should be prosecuted.

secret that is the same thing, if she signed her in, she has given her access to Farmville. It's still her fault.

i think your mother sounds a proper cow, and your sister too. you mother has been incredibly stupid - if you want to remain on reasonable terms with her why not offer to pay it back 'without prejudice' at £1 per week. if you are not bothered about her and the restof your 'love;y' family then tell her to go away and don't pay

i cannot understand this bloody obsession with facebook !!!

Your mum sounds as mad as a lorry. False SS reports? What the actual fuck?

I don't think that I could be around her. YANBU not to pay. If she is thick enough to let a child on her Farmville account, then she must deal with the fallout.

I don't think you should pay. It was irresponsible of your mum to let your DD play the game.

Just for info if she spent £70 then your mum must have had £70 worth of cash on her Farmville site. If this is the case your DD could of bought the items easily. The £70 would have been converted into a point system (referred to as "cash") and would have been visible on the main farmville screen. I can't remember the exact conversion but just for example £5 might buy you 25 cash. It would have just have been a case of clicking on the items and buying them since the money was already there for the purchase.

If your mum didn't have £70 worth of cash on her farmville site your DD would have needed to have paid for the items using paypal, direct debit etc. I'm pretty sure she would have needed a password to do this because it is just like paying for any item on-line.

Line You aren't as bright as me on your best day, than I am on my worst day or do you think they keep me here because I am young and gorgeous or can you see stupid on my head*

One of my favourites was when she had got stuck into the applicant and then the defendant and said "I am an ecumenical abuser" I think that was the word anyway.

missed the bit about false SS reports in the OP