To be told that if my 3.0 DD does not start to talk.....

[catwoman2011]

I went in for a review of my DD at nursery to be told that she does not communicate whilst she is there for her 16hspas week and that if she does not pick up her speech, we will be forced to send her to school.

We plan to home educate all of our children from the age of 5. I didn't have a very good experience of the 6 schools I went to and most of my qualifications have come from 16yrs in the TA. I now just have to do my degree, finish the DTLLLS and I get my PGCE which I hope use to tutor children after school in English and maths.

Now DD is fine at home (sometimes it is a job to keep her quiet) but at nursery they are concerned. They were happy that she was making friends but we go to ballet every week where she made friends instantly. There I was expecting to go in with her, when she held the teachers hand, said bye bye and closed the door behind them.

DD didn't talk for quite a while but we started using sign language at 18 months and since then she is coming on really well.

This isn't really about being told we cannot homeschool but more about not being able to choose as her responsible parents.

AIBU to think that when a woman has a baby that others seem to have the right to tell you how to bring up the child as if they are the property of the state??

Grrrr!

... which is not to see nobody should homeschool their DC, of course. Only that if you will prevent your DC from mainstream schooling, you should have a better reason than "I didn't like school"

I agree with Cote. Home schooling may well be the best option for some children, but to dismiss schools per se merely on the basis of ones own experiences back in the day seems slightly odd. Op, you say you attended 6 different schools; perhaps this in itself coloured your experience? If you changed schools frequently it's possible you never had a chance to settle in.

Can't believe this has turned into school or he debate. Surely well being of op child is more important.

OP started thread, (?I think) to verify the comment was out of order. And it was.
Am far from sure that there's anything else to debate.
That we live in a Nanny state which is quite irritating, often.

zzzz - It was very mature of you to call me "idiotic", especially after failing to understand what I was talking about. Clearly, your DD is lucky to have you as her only teacher

I have not said homeschooled children cannot excel academically. I have said that a child who is homeschooled all her life will miss out on some very important social experiences and lessons.

What on earth you thought the couple of months your DD spent at home has anything to do with what I said is anyone's guess. Feel free to call my posts "idiotic", though

Cote, if there is no where to learn those social skills but school, it is because school is completely unrelated to the rest of society.
A 'social experiment' indeed.

TimeWasting - Please explain how and why you think school is "completely unrelated to the rest of society".

It sounds like a strange assertion to make, considering that a school population is made up of a young person's peers (i.e. "society", as far as he is concerned). In fact, the opposite is true.

OP OFSTED has nothing to do with home education and you certainly don't have to apply. If they had a concern that an education wasn't taking place at home or a 'special education need' wasn't being taken care of (which I guess is how they would see it), they'd contact the LA's Elective Home Education department. I'm surprised that they aren't pushing more for you get into touch with GP/Speech Therapy rather than giving you empty, false threats. It seems they don't know the system very well (which actually isn't surprising, I've had GPs try to say the only way to get speech therapy is through the local schools). I'd be looking elsewhere or just pulling her out (I did so with my eldest at a playgroup when it became obvious they were ignoring him and it was affecting his behaviour. It took us months to get him back to himself).

Cote When was the last time you were in a room of 30ish people, through no choice of your own, purely because they were born nearly the same time as you? It's unconnected to rest of society by not reflecting the rest of society, and divides children into 'peer groups' rather than encourage relationships with those of a broad range of ages and backgrounds that one would actually see in society.

And bullying as a 'valuable learning experience'? I'm sorry, but to me that's like saying 'harrassment in the workplace and on the streets can be a good learning experience'.

I think the call centre I worked at for 18 months was the most similar environment to school I've experienced as an adult. Satanic mill.
But then again, I got to hang out with a variety of people of different backgrounds and ages and learn a lot from them, which is what society is actually like.

Cote, far from being a strange assertion, I was merely following through the logic of your argument.

Now, as has been rightly pointed out, this thread is about the OPs particular situation.
The nursery are ignorant about the legalities of HE, and happy to spout their ignorance, which always begs the question, what else are they ignorant of?

I don't understand, if you've already decided on HE why is she going to nursery - especially when she clearly doesn't want to go? Seems massively contradictory to me. Are you sure you haven't completely misunderstood what they told you? There is no way a nursery or ofsted could make you send your child to school against your will. Maybe they were talking about what they would recommend? Also, why did you even discuss your decision to HE? It's 2 years off and not something they need to know surely'

NotJust - Yes, even witnessing bullying is a valuable learning experience - what bullies are like, how they can be dealt with. There are not only nice people in the world, and this is a good lesson to learn.

"Being stuck with 30 of your peers", as you put it, is an experience that everyone else goes through and learns from. Except in special cases where you believe school will do more harm than good or where you can replicate both its academic and social lessons, I can't see why you would want your DC to miss out.

To answer your question, it has been a while since I was at school but that is only because I am 40 years old. I left formal education at the age of 25, with an architecture diploma and an MBA.

And that's the point, nowhere else in society will you be forced to spend endless time with 30 people of the same age. Therefore how is school related to the rest of society? How does it prepare you for the rest of society? Apart from the fact that the majority of people have been through the same experience.

How did we ever cope for the entire rest of human history before the intropduction of universal compulsory schooling less than 150 years ago?

nowhere else in society will you be forced to spend endless time with 30 people of the same age

That's not true. Education (for young people) is overwhelmingly organised by possibly quite narrow age groups, especially in conventional school, but also for vast majority of activity and sports clubs. If you're relying on organised activities (like ballet) as a social outlet for HE children, then they will be in narrow-age bracket groups, in rooms full of people they didn't choose, some they'll love & others they'll loathe. And within schools the age groups are quite broad at times, for RE, assemblies, sports & Challenge days (etc.), you can have up to almost 8 yr gaps from oldest to youngest participant.

I would be curious to hear from a dozen or so people who were Home-Eded how they felt about not sharing the cultural experience of having been to "school". Do they feel left out about it?

I feel left out sometimes because I don't watch X Factor, doesn't mean I'm missing out on something important.

I never did ballet, but I went to Guides for a few years, there's a spread of ages there, over three or four years.
I was a member of a youth group, 14-24 which was by far the most socialising influence on my teenage years.

I wasn't HE, but did most of my learning outside school, socially and academically. School was something I endured.

XFactor? Nobody should feel left out for missing episodes of XFactor. Privileged, maybe, but not "left out".... .

I know several older teenagers who were home educated. Most of them chose to go to college for GCSEs or A levels, but are overwhelmingly positive about their home education and are in no way "social oddities".

Of course most people get to spend many years grouped together with others they haven't chosen. It is called work for many of us. Is it only that they are all the same age that bothers you? Surely, children tend to play with others of the same age for many years, as even a year makes a big difference at primary level.

Anyway, it is becoming rather clear that the homeschooling advocates on this thread will never admit that schools benefit children.

I'm sure school can benefit many children.

That doesn't change the fact that your argument that it is necessary for socialisation is illogical and blatantly incorrect.

Many people choose who they work with, by specialising in interesting subject areas. Introverts can follow a career path that keeps them away from the public spotlight and individualists can work for themselves.
No one is insisting they all hang out with people the same age and do exactly the same thing as everyone that age in the rest of the country taught to them by someone who's expert skill lies in keeping them under control.

I don't think anyone here has said that your child will be anti-social if she doesn't go to school. However, school is an important part of a child's life and social experience. I explained what I mean by all this before.

If you tried it out and it hasn't worked for your child for whatever reason - fine. However, it is not reasonable to deny your child formal schooling, making this decision while she is a toddler, because you as a parent didn't like school. That is what I am saying.

"taught to them by someone who's [sic] expert skill lies in keeping them under control"

I am guessing from this that you don't hold teachers in high esteem

I would say that their expertise is not in crowd control but in child psychology + whatever subject they are teaching. Sure, some are lousy at it, but many others are fantastic. You as a parent might do better than the lousy ones in earlier years, but you will never do as well as a good teacher who has had many years of experience.

I have been inspired by many of my teachers, and cannot see the comparative virtue of having sit alone with one's parents at home and study for years. It sounds like an isolating experience that is unlikely to be anywhere as rich and intellectually challenging as the multiple-teacher environment of a school.

OP I would ask the nursery to put into writing exactly what their concerns are and what they suggest. See how it is phrased. I am at a loss as to how they feel schooling will help her if she is in their opinion behind in speach. I would also go see your Health visitor and speak with her to see if she can get a referral to a speach therapist.

if you are unhappy with the nursery in other ways than this then I would look into see what else you can do if this is the only problem try some further communication. I am regularly surprised by how appaling the communication from "official" places like schools and nursery can be and I have a 13 year old so this has been a part of my life for many years now.