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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect some help with household chores from my DB's......

12 replies

lovemyboysandbeagles · 01/08/2011 13:58

(First post so be gentle with me!)

........in return for pocket money. I'm not expecting a full top to bottom spring clean,just the basics like setting / clearing the table, sweeping the kitchen floor each day (in between hoovering), keeping bedrooms tidy, cleaning up after the dogs, emptying the dishwasher?

I (and my DH) seem to be in a constant battle with them, but they still expect their pocket money and new 'trendy' clothes (not just essentials) etc, at ages 12 & 10 I think they are old enough to help out a bit. Is it just me BU?

This may well have been answered elsewhere, but had a scan around and can't see anything and this is one of the questions I have joined Mumsnet for....surely it can't just be me!!

OP posts:

feckwit · 01/08/2011 14:03

If any of my children felt they had a "right" to money for non essentials, I would withdraw it!

But we don't do pocket money. I happily pay for trips to the cinema, give some money to go into town etc if I feel it is deserved and they have behaved appropriately.

I also reward with money at times - ie, "Thanks for putting the washing in , here is 50p" type of thing - but not all the time and I won't be blackmailed so "Mum, I'll tidy my room/do the washing if you give me money" would be met with a black look from me!

I don't want them to feel they have the right to £5 a week or whatever and this has been after a lot of deliberating on the best way to do things.

MrsJamin · 01/08/2011 14:03

Do you mean your sons (DSs) or daughters (DDs) as DB generally means dear brother. I think pocket money should be conditional at those ages.

MrsJamin · 01/08/2011 14:03

Sorry the first sentence should have had a question mark in there somewhere!

Pootles2010 · 01/08/2011 14:03

You could maybe try not battling with them as such, just a calm but insistent no chores = no money?

But they are definitely old enough to help out.

squeakytoy · 01/08/2011 14:06

I was expected to keep my room tidy, and that was about it.. I didnt expect any more from my stepkids when they lived with us either.

I do think they should clear away their own mess, but not be responsible for all domestic chores.

Original poster

lovemyboysandbeagles · 01/08/2011 14:44

MrsJamin, thanks for the grammer correction, there should be a ? at the end of the first sentence which was a continuation of the title, I am usually quite good with grammer too!!!

Oops on the DB's - I was thinking darling boys!! It should read DS's!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting them to do all the chores, just a few to help out and basically learn that money isn't just handed to you on a plate!

OP posts:

tawrag · 01/08/2011 14:48

They should be doing some chores. If it's a 'battle' try stopping their computer time until they've done what you ask. Tell them they have to earn it. Unplug the router, hide the mouse. There are ways. Just calmly make it clear that you mean it.

Pootles2010 · 01/08/2011 14:52

No you're right, they do need to do them for several reasons:

you're not their skivvy
they need to learn responsibility, as you say money is not handed to them on a plate, and
how else will they learn how to do housework chores?

My mil never expected her son to do any housework, as a result both of her boys are totally clueless.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/08/2011 14:56

YANBU to expect them to do some work around the home. Families are teams which means they need teamwork to keep the show on the road. When I went to uni aged 17 I shared a house with some young men who had clearly never boiled an egg, let alone operate a washing machine. Embarrassing....

Formalise the chores so that everyone does a fair share. Pocket money is discretionary based on completing the chores but also being proactive and not waiting to be asked. Start as you mean to go on..... good luck!!

4madboys · 01/08/2011 14:59

no unreasonable at all!

today my eldest three have tidied their bedrooms and hoovered them, they always put their laundry in the washing machine or basket and today ds2 has cleared the table, put away clean washing up in kitchen and swept dining rm floor.

i have four boys aged 11, 9, 6 and 3 yrs they all help to some degree around the house, they dont get paid for it, i have just brought them up to know that they help, we ALL make the mess and we ALL help clean it up.

from a very young age children/toddlers can all help tidy up and do simple jobs, ime they actually enjoy it more when they are younger and geta bit stroppy about it as they got older, but regardless of strops they do it!

Original poster

lovemyboysandbeagles · 01/08/2011 15:00

Thanks everyone.....I'll try again and see how I get on. The internet suggestion is a good one which I have tried, but as both myself and my DH both work from home it sometimes isn't possible. I'll update after a week or so and hopefully it will be positive.

It is good to know IANBU!

OP posts:

rainbowtoenails · 01/08/2011 15:03

Dont use the word 'help', it implies that housework is your sole responsibility and their role is merely secondary rather than it being a joint responsibility of all household members.

I also wouldnt confuse it with monetary rewards. Exchange it for 'rights' within the house eg clothes choice, food choices, leisure pursuits, bedtime etc. If they want the freedom not to have all these decisions controlled by you then the price is responsible behaviour, ie doing chores without being asked.

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