AIBU to think sometimes adults should have nicer food to children?

[ImperialBlether]

Something on another thread made me think of this.

I was one of a very big family. My mum always cooked lovely home made meals.

Occasionally my dad (and sometimes my mum) would have different food to us. For example, they might have chops, when we'd have sausages. We loved sausages but we would have loved the chops, too. But when you have a very large family, how can you afford lamb chops for everyone? Half of my siblings were boys and ate a lot, too, so you'd be talking about three chops vs three sausages.

I never felt deprived because my dad had chops when I couldn't. It wouldn't have occurred to me. Similarly if he had Stilton and wouldn't let us taste it, I didn't feel deprived. Envious for quarter of an hour, maybe, but not deprived.

Now in my own family there are some things I like, eg fresh anchovies, which on the one hand I'm lucky my children won't eat anyway, but on the other I wouldn't want to pay for for all of us.

Obviously this is a financial issue. Given the money, my mum would have fed us all organic lamb chops morning, noon and night.

But if money is an issue, is it wrong (as many suggested on the bacon thread) that the children shouldn't eat what the parents eat? Shouldn't there be some privileges for being adult? (And of course I'm not suggesting children go hungry!)

No we all use the same shampoo and conditioner....I do buy myself art supplies that are better quality that the kids stuff though...is that the same?

I'm not going to spend my whole adult life steakless (I don't like rump or sirloin or rib-eye) just because I can't afford 6 enormous portions of fillet steak. If I was to cut back on something else so they could have a diet of fillet steak then they might be a bit pissed off that I had chosen to cut out what they think of as luxuries so that they could eat a something that is a treat for me. There were certain things we (the dcs) didn't have when I was little and I can honestly say I never felt deprived, I understood that they were a treat for the adults and sometimes we got treats too, like dandelion and burdock from the pop man. I can't imagine my brothers and sister would have been impressed if we lost our pop or Mr kiplings (which the adults never had) in order to free up some cash for stilton or sole or pate or whatever they had when we were shoveling in out french fancies.

I eat with the DCs at 5 . DH works evenings so I'd be eating alone anyway. Also, we all have lunch together (DCs and I, during hols) at 12 and I could eat a horse by 5. So, I guess, we do all eat the same at mealtimes.

BUT - if I fancy a biccie or crisps or something treaty, I have it. If they ask, I just say it's mum food and not for kids. And they have to suck it up because, as an earlier poster said, when they are adults, they can choose. For now, they are kids and I choose.

Totally agree with Maryz if its expensive and they won't appreciate it its a waste giving it to them. My DDS are both under 5 and like quite plain food whilst dh and I like our curries so we do eat differently. As a child we mostly ate together but sometimes my parents would have steak and chips after we ate on a Sat night if they weren't going out. Never felt aggrieved about it.

Yes, I buy the same shampoo/conditioner/shower gel for all of us. And our clothes are from the same places.

Yes to maryz and clever and figs. I am a foodie, so if I go to a party and I am specially asked to make my wonderful rich (adult) chocolate pudding, then yes I am pissed off if all the nice food gets eaten by children who may not appreciate it, and I am left with cheap sausage rolls and potato salad and dried up sponge cake.

One poster here said that they "don't think there's anything wrong with (dc) helping himself to a whole plate of rubbish at a buffet/party" but the point is that it wasn't rubbish that the children ate, it was all the high quality stuff. That's great, but then make sure that everything is high quality.

Last time we went to such an event I didn't make the requested desert. I bought something instead, then at least even though I ate cheap sausage rolls and coleslaw, i didn't feel resentful about the £15 I'd spent on chocolate

I actually think this is a tricky one, 99% of the time dc's get the same as the parentals in this house, so meals really are not an issue, but treat wise if i look at it i guess my lovely cheese/chocolate etc do cost more, and dd's do tend to go for babybel/juicy type ice lollies etc, thats not to say i wouldnt share or buy them the same if they expressed an interest, they just gravitate to what they prefer and I wouldnt go out of my way to forcefeed them my favourites just to broaden there culinary horizons lol, dd2 is a lot more adventurous than dd1 at the mo, but after a taste of my rum n raisin she goes back to her mini milk anyway.

I think the art supplies simile is very apt . You wouldn't waste good paint, or certainly good paper (have you seen the price of some of it ) on children who are quite happy with cheap A4 or the back of an envelope

I can see the point in that & can see how it could work that way with some kids, even looking around our friends & their kids -

but my own DD (now 8) (seemingly ) was born with adult/expensive tastes - we've always eaten a very varied diet, (though without meat) there has never been anything she wont try & usually eat, so she's always eaten what we eat, bar the initial weaning stage & she really DOES know the difference & prefers the likes of good ice cream, chocolate, fish etc - more so than DH if I'm honest, of course she has her favourites & some things she's not so keen on, but I just couldn't get away with not giving her the same as us & her not feel left out, so I would never do it

I can do it with DH, with both chocolate & icecream, as he would far rather have a bucket full ofcrap cheaper brand, than a small amount of a good quality one - beyond me, but he's happy with that, so its fine & by that token I can see why it can also be fine with DCs too IF they are happy & don't appreciate the difference - otherwise IMHO its a bit mean :(

Actually Maryz - I think you just have persuaded me - yes just the one 8 yr old - but your teens sound more like my DH - & times 3 of him raiding the fridge - YES, you are right I WOULD think differently - I already make sure the cheap ice cream is the easiest to get to otherwise my lovely Mackies would be gone in one go - which he has done before & not even noticed he'd eaten the good stuff

I go without art supplies to ensure my dcs have enough

DD is the only one with decent shampoo/conditioner as DH, DSs and I all have really short hair. There is no way my standard of dress in the same as my toddler.

I made an expensive, much requested cake for a friends party and someone doled it out to the babies/toddlers leaving tesco cheapo buns for the adults. there would have been enough for everyone if the dcs hadn't been given such massive slices to tread into the carpet. Birthday girl was not happy but the doler outer was obviously of the adults must sacrifice for the dcs mindset. Upshot was I ended up offering to make another cake, which I gave to my friend a few days later and she took home to share with her family and thanked me for profusely but I was £30 down without a crumb passing my lips.

It seems wrong to buy one or two people a special something, but not for everyone. We were even taught in school, bring enough for everyone, or none at all. For a few years while I was a broke single parent, I had often only eaten a baked potato, or plain rice, while my son had some fish or chicken with his. I would pretend I wasn't that hungry if he asked. He was a growing child who needed nutrients more than I did.

I think the only thing we do not get for the children are salmon steaks and steak.

DD wouldn't eat the salmon and DS wouldn't eat the steak.

We cook a lot of Thai and Curry and the DC's don't enjoy these so we cook a simple second option.

DC's get good stuff though and both enjoy the occasional smoked salmon brunch or tapas style olives and chorizo before a late supper.

I don't think it's so much a sophisticated taste thing in our family - DC's are pretty good at trying things, it's more financial. We only enjoy very good quality meat and pay for outdoor reared etc etc for ethical reasons. DS and DD get high quality sausages or burgers as an alternative to some of our more expensive meat choices.

Maryz I think your examples fall into the category of individual preferences (and I may well have been converted to your argument by well done fillet steak !) : If your DC's don't appreciate the difference between steak and sausages then it would seem sensible to buy sausages.

What I object too is someone eating steak whilst their children want the steak but get sausages, or worse still eat sausages whilst the DC go without.

I think it is also relevant that your DC's are older and have tried foods and have formed opinions. If they then want monster munch over kettle chips or dairylea over stilton that seems fair enough. I do find it very sad when we have had children over for lunch/dinner and they have literally never been given the opportunity to try anything other than nuggets and chips, it's limiting both in terms of diet and experience and I'm pretty sure their parents don't live on the stuff they feed their kids.

Oh and I concede when my 3 are teenagers and polish off 3x what DH and I eat my opinion may change - I am still struggling to understand how when we eat out we got from one childs portion between them (DC1 & 2) to two adult portions in the space of about a year

Am surprised and a little shocked by the OP's viewpoint - often as children we'd have the lampchops and not my parents! Children need better food as they are growing.... adults can go without! A few weeks ago I bought the DC each a "treat" of fresh fish from fishmonger (they love choosing, and DD has expensive taste!), but I had frozen haddock from supermarket!

However, don't see a problem with adults eating "adult treats" that the children wouldn't like, but if its one they would like think only appropriate if the children aren't around.

Maryz, you just need to take more lemon tart! Bit mean to not share, or to not bring enough for everyone.

In a very large family, though, foreveronadiet, children are NEVER not around!

YANBU. Having grown up in a family of four, including two boys who ate HUGE meals, I completely understand what you are saying.

I have three children who are lucky enough to have plenty of healthy food and often treats as well. They try all sorts of foods to develop their tastes.

However, sometimes certain foods are for adults only.

I think our culture is too child centric and that some children are growing up with a horrible sense of entitlement. They can eat what they want when they are adults.

I think they should have the same, as long as they like it. We were offered a taste of a luxury ice cream brand in a supermarket once, the tester woman said "of course its too good for children"( we were pre child in those days) We thought it was an odd comment even then, and that phrase is one we say to each other as a joke now
My husband's mother did have certain foods that were just for her when my husband was growing up... He doesn't reflect on it favourably.

My DCs are away with grandparents this week :o, so DH and I are clearing out the freezer and eating some very weird combinations that the DCs would not enjoy. It's saving us a fortune!

I don't have the fridge permanently raidable. They also wouldn't demolish things without asking.