to ask how you and your DP/DH split the chores and childcare...

[fedupanduptheduff]

I am a SAHM (kind of working, but part time and very informally as an accountant/bookkeeper) to a 17mo DD. I am also 33 weeks pregnant with DC2.
I do all cleaning, cooking, washing, etc.
I also do almost all childcare - except DH does bath/bedtime - even when we are out I am always the one who is 'on' and in charge and it drives me insane.
How do you split things in your household?
DH works full time, but not long hours - ie he is home by 5.30 every day. We've just had a bit of a 'discussion' about how I need him to help me more, but I don't think we got very far.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, dishes, shopping, sort bills etc. DH does any DIY and gardening. Occationly he'll do the hoovering or dishes but not often.

Childcare is mostly down to me in the week as he works long hours, usually 7-6 but can be longer and I'm a SAHM. If he's home he puts DD1, 3yo, and DS, 2yo, to bed and I sort 8month DD.

Weekends childcare is shared as we're both here but I still do the housework.

It works for us and DH's job is physical with a lot of heavy lifting and by the time he gets home he's knackered so it wouldn't be fair to expect him to do loads of housework.

He will cook simple things (he's not a great cook) and do the dishes if I'm not well or DD2's had a bad night though. He has offered to do the ironing at the weekend but it's painful watching him as he takes twice as long to do half as much.

If I was working it would be a 50/50 split [deluded emoticon]

My DH thinks we split it 50/50 but I reckon I do 70% as he has long lie-ins and doesn't seem to take the period before he gets up into account.

Our household is me, DH, two teenages DSCs and a baby. I am the primary carer for the baby; DH has a few scheduled times to look after her, so that I can work.

We have a jobs rota for dinner and washing up, plus one day when we get takeaway (I wash up that day, but DH pays for the takeaway so I think that's pretty fair!). DH walks the dog in the mornings, but the kids share the evening and weekend walks with him. This means that most days, everyone will have one or two jobs. The kids get pocket money, one half of which is only given if they've done their chores.

DH and I split things like mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, on an irregular basis - whoever has time or cares more if it is done, I guess! I do all the 'unneccessary' housework - dusting, carpet cleaning, anything that would not occur to DH. We have different standards of cleanliness...

I do all the laundry, although DH often helps fold. DH does his own ironing. DH does most of the yard work, although he will ask the kids to help with specific jobs, and I will chip in occasionally. DH drives, I don't, so he gets stuck with any ferrying around.

I am in charge of all kiddie stuff during the week between 830 and 530. Outside of these hours we share and sometimes DH does kids teas. DH does saturday mornings and we are together the rest of the weekend. We have a cleaning lady. I think I have quite an easy life for a SAH. I think whilst you are pregnant he should do a bit more.

dh works full time, long hours. i am SAHM. obviously i do all the child care when he's not here, but on his days off he does more than me. we alternate each evening who is putting the kids to be and who is starting dinner. he does all the washing, half the washing up, bins, general tidying etc. i do rest of washing up, hoovering/bathroom/changing beds etc. i'm thinking of taking over washing though as he's getting behind since his new job. :)

I am the little red hen , i do EVERYTHING, he works away four weeks on and four weeks off and of course when he is home he is on leave and needs a rest. its my own fault i have let him do this for far too long now. my DS has left home now and i get my own back because while he is slaving away at work for a month i dont do a bloody thing if i dont feel like it. When he comes home he spends all day at his boat and i spend the day picking up after him and doing all the housework, gardening cooking decorating and moaning, the last being a particular favourite of mine. Am thinking of entering the olympics as chief moaner, could easily get gold.

DS is 12 months. I have today started back at work part time, so we are going to be getting into a new routine! In general we share things pretty evenly. I do the washing and clean the bathroom. We take turns hoovering, doing the cat litter, cooking and washing up the evening meal. I do the washing up through the day. DH is a bit tidier than me but because I've been around so much more I'd say we tidy up fairly evenly. I tend to do things he wouldn't notice like dusting, cleaning the kitchen cupboard doors, cleaning the fridge etc. In terms of childcare, DH takes his share of it while he's around, changes (more than) half the nappies etc. We take turns to have a lie in at the weekend. I think we have the balance about right.

I do everything at home, he does nothing. Isn't that normal?

DH does almost everything, esp atm as I am 35 weeks pg (although he is pish at housework so we had a cleaner until recently. Now he'll be doing it - badly - again). He cooks and cleans up but I do most of DS's bedtime routine. I do some laundry and tidying and a bit of cooking but that's it really.

He works PT as a shop assistant and does our childcare 3 days a week. I work long hours as a teacher and earn twice as much as he does so it's only fair that we have reversed the traditional roles!

Normal at my house nefret

I work 25 hours pw and DH works full time - I do pretty much nearly everything. If he has a nag prompt he will contribute. I earn as much as he does and up to now I have been the main wage earner for the last 15 years.

I shop/cook/clean/bedtime/school drop off (he does 2 pick ups a week). I get no lie ins & he opts to go car bootying on sundays.

The deal up to now has been this way because we have been doing up the last 2 houses we have lived in. However, all this year the only DIY that has been completed has been the putting up of 2 shelves! On the plus side this has meant we have been away for the 1st time in 6 years as a family for a whole week for a holiday. We have been upto London for a long weekend and been camping - all of this unheard of due to big financial commitments of house renovations.

I am happy and that is surely the main thing - do what works for you. Not what the other mums on mumsnet say is right.

I think DH thinks we split things fairly evenly but he is a man living in denial!
We both work full time in equally demanding but very different jobs.
He irons his own shirts most of the time, loads and unloads the dishwasher approx half the time, tidies (not cleans - the cleaner does that) the kitchen about 50% of the time, cooks about 1 in 3 evening meals and makes a mean roast, occasionally picks up DS from nursery if I am away for work and his mother can't, will get DS dressed approx. once a fortnight. Will get up with DS early if I am ill. DH puts out rubbish, I do recycling.
I do the weekly shop online, we share picking up odds and ends from the supermarket on a saturday. I do the washing and putting clothes away. Additional cleaning above the cleaners 2 hrs - she does the big stuff I can't physically manage (disabled) like hoovering. I do 80% of the childcare outside of nursery, the rest of the cooking including all of DS's meals. I change and make the beds. Do the rest of the tidying, dusting and dishwashing, all other ironing. I do all clothes shopping etc
We share the diy & gardening.
DH huffs and puffs, about every tiny thing he does and if he doesn't get a thank you throws a strop about how tired he is. No sympathy that i run myself ragged so the household doesn't fall apart, whilst trying to battle a crappy disease, hold down a full time career and interact meaningfully with our DC
DH has redeemed himself some what the other day tho by clearing up my post meds sick

I was made redundant last year so am currently a SAHM (by default), I don't expect my DH to do anything at home. I do all the chores and I think this is absolutely fair enough. I wouldn't expect him to do anything

When I was working, we split chores more evenly and I much preferred that. It felt like a far more even partnership. I tended to do more cleaning as we both recognised that he would not do it to my standard, and it was silly for me to do it again, resenting him for being so slapdash and he'd be irritated that his work was not appreciated. He tended to do laundry and dishwasher etc

You shouldn't think of it as your responsibility to sort the house with him "helping." It's the responsibility of both partners to ensure that the jobs get done.

Haven't read the rest of the thread so sorry if I'm just repeating what others have said.

DH and I both full time, so we both do our share of the tidying up of the house (not that there's much to tidy as both of us, as well as DS, are all out all day). In the evenings, I do the cooking and DH does the washing.

In the morning, DH does breakfast while I get ready, and then while he gets ready, I help DS get dressed and ready for nursery.

Pretty even split I'd say.

Ds is 14 weeks and ebf. I am working about 5 hours a week. DP works 40 hours a week plus 40 hours a month overtime in a very physical job.

During the week I look after ds all day and do 90% of the dishes. At weekends and in the evenings if DP is home we share childcare.

I clean the bathroom, do all laundry (we don't iron), and all night wakenings. At night ds usually just wants to feed and doesn't need changed, he usually settles very easily too, so no point in DP getting up. I also do most of the hoovering and surface cleaning of the kitchen.

DP is in charge of the garden, hoovering the stairs, all polishing/dusting, cleaning the oven and the fridge. He also washes the flooring downstairs.

We share cooking, with DP doing slightly more as he's a better cook. If DP is on holiday we halve (half?) everything except night wakenings. We also share cleaning out the fish tank.

It works out pretty well for us. I feel like DP does a lot in the little free time he has.

We both work f/t and take equal responsibility for everything. Since I was on maternity leave, DP has done half of all parenting duties, including taking DS to parties and staying when he as a small child, to buying presents etc. We share all household and domestic responsibilities. But as we both work f/t it couldn't work any other way.

The key is seeing all the work done within the household as of equal importance in keeping it going. If there are jobs to be done, no-one sits down and puts their feet up - it's all hands on deck until all decks are cleared. Obviously there are times when one person is out doing their own thing but then that is balanced out with a reciprocal period of time - and reciprocal support and understanding.

It's not fair if his job ends at 5.30 and yours continues round the clock 7 days a week.

OP My life is like yours except dd is now 15yo, so much less childcare - and lots of taxi driving. When I met dh he was almost ocd on housework and cleanliness but since I became a SAHM he did less and less. Now I work 30 hrs as accountant/bookkeeper but as I'm home 4pm religiously I have that 2-3 hours to do stuff, whereas he's not home till 7pm (big job, long hours, around 50 a week) Also I have an hour extra on a morning to do stuff. We all keep the house very tidy which is half the job in cleaning, dd does most of the dishwasher, and we have a gardener once a fortnight. Tbh except laundry I don't do too much other than "keeping things moving" He is better (more persistent) at paperwork and admin so he sorts out pensions etc - we both do finances. I do gift-buying.
If we have visitors/a party we do a big spring-clean together beforehand (takes an hour due to the general tidiness.)
It works for us but dd is much more a mummy's girl than a daddy's girl simply due to being with me mostly and with him not so much.
I let him wake up to let the cat out at 3 a.m. - almost every day

DP works early mornings (3am-9am) & is on call the rest of the day from home so before having DS he did most of the washing / cleaning / tidying while I was at work. We would cook our evening meal together & do all the weekend stuff together too.

When I was signed off work & on mat leave before DS arrived we did split it equally, emptied the dishwasher / sorted the washing out / changed the bed / cleaned up together, or I did one thing while he did another.

Now, 7 weeks post-EMCS, he does most of it again. In terms of childcare DS is EBF so I do the feeding & DP does most of the winding & nappy changes if he's around, it's his way of bonding with DS & especially helps me a lot at night as I can get a quick power nap while he sees to DS, we bath him together which is really nice. He also does most of the cooking (DS always wants to eat when we're planning to ), washing & general jobs as I am usually pinned the sofa / bed by DS who likes to act like he's starving a lot feed on demand. I still do the ironing though so until last week we all had unironed clothes due to EMCS, DP is not to be trusted with that!

Funny to think he didn't even know how to work the washing machine before we got together (his Mum did all of his washing! )

I'm a SAHM and DH works office hours. Obviously I do everything I can be arsed with when he's at work, but when he's home, we split 50/50. For example, he bathes the kids while I wash up after dinner.

The only couples I've known who are able to both be "on" and "in charge" and not leave it just to the mum, have been couples where the DH/DP was SAHD for a period of time (eg 3 to 6 months), off work while the wife/partner worked full time - this was usually couples who had jobs on a contract, eg IT, where it is possible to work like this. Otherwise, the wife/mum will be the one "in charge" all the time. Depends on what bothers you more -the "in charge" bit or the "not doing enough chores" bit. If it's the "not doing enough chores", then pick something that you feel would help you most, esp being pregnant and soon to deliver, then have an infant to look after. I am guessing the heavy cleaning work like hoovering, cleaning floors, bringing heavy piles of laundry up and down? He'll also have to be able to do a bit of cooking when baby number 2 comes. One of my friends has her DH cook every single Friday without fail - but he is rather proud of his culinary skills so no problem persuading him there!!

(PS - in answer to your question, lots of families do what happens in yours but I don't think that's right.....and the results show. The happiest families are the ones where both get stuck in. It's good for the father as well as the mother.)

About half and half I guess - but i do more cleaning and dp does more cooking - but we're both studying, me PT and him FT so we both pick up the chore tab if there's a deadline in the offing. I work full time though so it makes sense that when the pressure's off dp does the cooking.

My DH and i work together i am a tidy freak and so is he but in totally different ways lol I willl have everything in order and sorted and ironed and folded correctly, bleached and DH has to have nothing any where unless it is in it's own box! ie toy box but box of cars, box of dolls, he is very get up get it done now and i'm a i will do it in a bit with the music on and pj's I think he should have been in the army really lol as for the kids. We share them we have ds2 who's a mummys boy and dd2 who is a daddys girl and ds1 who only cares aboout the computers and tv. they also help ds2 loves to make beds he is 4 and one morning i got up went the loo came back and he had made my bed!!!!!! dd2 loves to cook and ds1 will wash the dishes and does them rather well as for my dsd who is 20 and going uni this sep she will do as little as possible... my DH has a threory his mum and dad are not the tidyest people and niether are mine in fact my sil will not take her kids to my mil house it is that bad Kim and Aggy would have a field day.. any way my DH's theory is that if you grow up in a mess you are more likly to have a clean house but if you grow up in a tidy house were your parents do all the work then you will be less likely to keep house as it were! my parents house always was a tip but my sister grew up with her dad who had a tidy house and her house is always a mess. but i am this tidy freek as she calls me. Just a theory i not a snob. but have just read this and feel like i am now [embarassed]

DH and the kids do most of it - I work away through the week. When I am here it is whoever gets sick of the mess first, although I have just been reliably told by dd (who wants some sweets ) that I do more. We have an ironing lady and I don't count garden pottering as a chore.

I wish that they would manage to decide what they want for dinner, unless a food manufacturer / producer comes up with "whatever" or "ummmm... dunno" meal that they would eat. I can feel a tangental rant coming on.