AIBU to wonder how it's possible for an 8yo to be obese?

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I know I am and I'm being judgey too, but how?

I struggle to buy trousers fro my DSs (8 & 10) because they won't stay up.

I am in no way healthly eating obsessed. We eat 3 meals a day, mostly home cooked, but not always low fat, eg sausages and chips do feature and if anyone's still hungry there's always cake or a pud. My boys are active when out and about, but not sporty. They spend a good part of each day indoors and they get reasonable amounts of crisps and sweets as treats. DS1 is always hungry and never denied food (usually toast or a cheese sandwich for snacks) and yet still "average" waists are far too big for them.

What are the other parents feeding their kids?

Custard put it so much more eloquently!

Custard cake that is really good information. It explains just what is happening on this thread. Health professionals saying children are overweight and the parents comparing their children with other overweight children, so not seeing it & not being able to acknowledge it.

This really gets me ,my ds1 (now 18 ,tall average size not remotely fat but does have broad shoulders ,slim waist though )went through a chubby stage from about 10 to14.We found it very difficult to deal with as he played sport practically every day and didn't like fast food ,I actually struggled to get carbs into him as at the time he was not a big fan of either pasta,rice or potatoes. ,including chips!
His favourite meal (I kid you not)was steamed fish with spinach and mashed potatoes.Given a choice he would probably have been a fruitarian
His friend who the OP would have thought more healthy was skinny ,played no sport just playstation,and lived in a diet of jam sandwiches ,pizza and ketchup .
Fast forward to now ,as I say my son ,tall but no health issues ,friend spotty ,very unfit ,not very sociable because still has limited diet.

The experience definately made me less judge as I found it difficult to fathom ,the weight literally appeared over about 12 weeks ,he went from skinny 9 year old to pudgy 10 year old .My GP was fantastic ,very calming we just carried on making sure he kept his activity levels up and watched his diet and the weight groped off just as quickly as it came aged about 16 .So quickly in fact that school expressed concern,as did I ,GP very reassuring again and all is fine.

Sorry dropped off not groped off ,annoying phone

id like someone to grope off my fat....

Ooh yes, me too!

op maybe your kids ure under weight

Yes maybe a Freudian slip

Meant to say I have two other boys who are 9 and 14 and the proverbial string beans.Am watching the 9 year carefully though ,we want to avoid a repeat scenario .

Joking aside, that's a very similar scenario to me. DS1 and 2 are properly skinny, down on the 5th and 7th BMI centiles but only DS3 struggles.

They expect them to eat far too much! Eg my sister used to expect her 3 & 2 yo to eat adult-sized meals. Both kids were quite podgy. When she left bastardex, we (her family) made subtle representations over a number of months to the effect that maybe she could consider expecting them to eat a little less. They are now 9 and 7 and a very much more normal size for their height than they were 6 years ago.

We give very mixed messages as well ,on the one hand telling them to only eat if hungry on the other telling them to finish what is on their plate hungry or not .

I think in the UK there is a distorted view of what is overweight and what isn't. I'm not from the UK and I would consider everything over 50th percentile in this country overweight. As the whole country is on average more overweight than where I come from and I consider more 'normal'. My oldest is 7th percentile and looks healthy to me and not that skinny. My DD2 will be weighed next year and I expect her to be over 50th percentile as she looks podgy to me. She is naturally quite lazy but instead of adjusting her diet (which I think is fine) I will be encouraging her to move more.

custardo is right, it is normal and healthy to be able to see a childs ribs, all of them, i thought my ds2 and ds3 were skinny, but when they had a check up at the hospital (they were both il one with kawasaki and one with a few diff things) the consultant said NO that is normal and health for a child. ds2 was slightly underweight but only because he had had a sevre vomit&diahrea bug. they are both very active and eat for england, but its healthy and balanced with the occasional treat.

my ds1 has always been of bigger build, he eats healthily but he is not as active, never has been, even as a toddler and now at 11 i do watch his weight and portion sizes etc as he could easily tip over from being a solid build to being overwieght.

i think we do have a bit of a scewed idea of what weight/build, children should be and it doesnt help when from birth the hv obsess over wieght gain, quite rightly we want babies to put on weight and thrive and many babies and toddlers are chubby and thats normal, but as they grow older, cetainly once they are school age they shouldnt be chubby and have 'puppy fat' its not healthy in children.

My niece is 10 years old and now in size 10 adult clothes. She's being picked on by the other children for her size. As a result, she is now weighing herself every day and avoiding food. Makes me incredibly sad.

What is sadder is that my SIL has always suffered with weight, going from diet to diet. My DN has always had free reign over what she eats and when. Of course, she opts for ham by itself (when we all have a ham and salad sandwich) or sweets and chocolate, or crisps. She doesn't eat any fresh veg or fruit to my knowledge. She grazes all day and no food is either limited or encouraged.

I find it hard to know how I can help without butting in. Even when they visit us, we are 'told' that DN will not eat the same food as us (although tbh there are only certain meals we can cook for SIL and BIL), that she will only eat certain foods - pizza and chicken nuggets type affair. When we had a fried breakfast, DN just ate the bacon and then was given the rind of bacon fat from her brothers and parents plates.

God, it looks awful written down. If anyone has any advice on how I can help, I'd be grateful to hear it! I don't have the best relationship with my SIL as it is. I don't think SIL thinks there is a problem, well she knows dn is on the big side, but isn't attributing it to her diet.

God, sheep, that's a hard one. I'd say don't go there, but you want what's best for your niece. Can't see how you'd broach the subject without sounding very critical. Does your SIL ever bring it up? Then you might be able to say you saw a programme on TV and were shocked how small the ideal portion size was and how much of it should be veg or fruit. That might lead on to a proper conversation. You might get away with it!

BTW, my own DS1 is 3.9 and I haven't had him weighed for ages, but I am very aware of his portion sizes as he is what I would affectionately call 'stocky'. His CM once said "he doesn't seem to have an I'm full button". Friends and family always say how well he eats, but I'm worried he eats too much. I think it's more of an affliction to be this way inclined in life than my peers whose kids don't eat much.
I am very wary of his portion size and in particular, watch his carb portion (he loves bread and pasta) and I'm making sure he gets out and about every day / some running around / starting him at football classes etc. I am very aware given his love of food, I need to encourage him to be sporty (which he is, but I have to make sure he gets opportunities to be active).

I've seen his peers portions and in my mind, he gets less,

Agh, parenting isn't easy is it!

My DS3 has exactly that problem, no 'I'm full button.' It's a case of trying to get him to feel full on low sugar lower fat foods.

Ellen - what foods do you give that are low sugar low fat? I try DS1 with porridge, but he refuses to eat it (although tbh it's because he prefers rice crispies, shreddies, weetabix type cereals and knows they're in the cupboard). What other foods do you find your DS3 enjoys that helps to curb the 'I'm hungry' wails?

whatmeworry - I agree about French clothes. DD is 4 but I have to buy her either 2-3 or 3-4 clothes (depends on the waists - if they are adjustable then I can get away with 3-4 and just hem up the legs/skirt to get more wear out of them). This summer I also bought her some 18-24 month trousers

Last week I bought her some clothes in France. A top aged 5 years and a pair of jeans (with adjustable waist) in age 4 (and they weren't too long either).

I also agree that it depends on the shop. I have a Next and Mothercare on our local retail park. I generally buy her stuff from Next as the proportions suit her better (and they have a LOT of adjustable waists).

Mothercare - short body, long legs
Next - long body, short legs.

My proportions are the same as hers so I tend to buy my stuff from Next as well.

BobMarley - surely that can only apply if you compare height as well. DS is just over the 50th on his weight, so as far as you are concerned he is overweight. However, he is on the 98th for his height and is ridiculously skinny.

DD on the other hand is on the 9th for weight, so as far as you are concerned she would be underweight. However she is off the bottom of the chart for her height so she certainly does not appear to be underweight.

Sheep, I actually believe that low fat carbs, like pasta and potatoes are the way to go, can't really understand why people avoid them. It's the sauces you put on them that contain the calories. They are filling but low fat. Bread is much more fattening, but DS3 loves the stuff. He snacks on apples and carrot sticks. Not an exact science, he's still bigger than he should be!

Willowfae, that's why you should use the age adjusted BMI charts. Lots of BMI calculators for kids online.

Children in the UK, like adults in the UK, are bigger than elsewhere in Europe (or at least some places). My relations kept sending clothes to us, and they are too small for our ages, not just waist-wise but all over. They must have tiny babies there!

It is about norms though. When I am here, I am a normal size. When I go there, I am one of the larger mums and it is difficult to get clothes to fit me, even though I am slightly below the average size here.

It is important, as someone mentioned, to look at overall health. If a child is skinny (naturally) but on the computer all day, they won't be strong and healthy and it sets up bad patterns for the future.

I also don't think it's all down to what parents choose to do, lots of food is really unhealthy now, I hate how pappy and carby white bread is (and you can eat 3x as much white toast as one slice of my mum's wholemeal brick loaf), and I was really struck by that programme that showed chicken is much fattier than it used to be. I now boil my chicken and take the fat off the stock as I am amazed how much fat pours out of a normal cheap chicken (the one thing I do buy free range if I can).

However, if you eat chicken nuggets and chips and huge plates of pasta, as my daughter's extremely obese best friend is fed every night, you don't have a fighting chance of avoiding being huge, and it is sad to see that destiny set aged 7 (her friend is the size of a large 11 year old). She is a lovely girl but hides in the school at break-times and play-time so as not to be picked on in the playground (she has her own set of good friends but can't stop random remarks from children she doesn't know well).

EllenJaneisnotmyname - Oh yes, I know. However BobMarley seemed to think that it was just a case of over 50% = overweight.