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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dream of having a fling with someone?

20 replies

greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:35

Madly in love with my wonderful husband of nearly 10 years - been together for 15 years.

But...would love to experience that falling in love, first sex, etc. whole thing again...

AIBU? Am I the only one?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 19:37

It can be an exciting time in a relationship, but I think you're looking at it in a rose tinted glasses/grass is greener way.

There are far better things to have when you've been together with someone for 10 years.

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:38

I know - but wouldn't it be exciting?!

DH knows - thinks it's hilarious. I'm such a sad old housewife!

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TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 31/07/2011 19:41

Oh God no. Are you kidding me?

All that paranoia and anxiety? does he like me, what does he think of me, where is this going...

and the endless how do I look, are my legs ok, do my breasts look ok, is my makeup perfect, will he fancy me...

And the sex? holding it all in, worrying it's not ok, him not knowing what works for you. fumbling about with someone you're not familar with, that moment when they see you naked for the first time

God no. There's not enough money in the world to pursuade me to go through that ever again.

backjustforaminute · 31/07/2011 19:42

I've been married for nearly six years, and keep having fanstasy affairs with totally random men, blokes I would never be with in a million years (because, for instance, they are gay Blush ) I think it's my way of making sure the fantasy crush never goes any further!

keynesian · 31/07/2011 19:43

Do it with your DH. You know.. arrange to meet in a bar and pretend to be strangers. Dress differently, both create different backgrounds etc.

AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 19:43

I've worked very hard to get my life away from all that kind of excitement Grin

I like being a sad old housewife.

AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 19:45

I like that idea though keynesian, I want to pretend to be a secret agent Grin

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:46

That's a fab idea, Keynesian!

@magnificent - of course that wouldn't happen to me! This would be with a very gorgeous man who simply couldn't get enough of me! And I'm far too sensible now to give a shit about what I look like - would just lie back and enjoy it :D

Justforaminute - I stupidly watch films with sexy men in that get me feeling all randy.

Agent - I met DH when I was 18. Have never had the chance to enjoy the beginning of a relationship as a real grown up - I think that's the problem!

OP posts:
Sn0wflake · 31/07/2011 19:47

Write a Mills & Boons instead.

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:50

Ooh, that's a good idea! Then I could make it as perfect as I liked!

Would really like to have sex with someone else before I get too old though...

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 19:51

Yes, I can see what you mean GWS.

I got married at 29 so had over a decade a couple of years messing about, but all it does is make you realise it's not as much fun as it's cracked up to be.

Usually the reason you're doing it is to find a long term relationship and stability.

flatbread · 31/07/2011 19:52

snowflake Grin

OP, YANBU at all! I fantasize too, and like you, my DH was my first serious relationship.

DH is very easygoing and laughs about it. Not a very romantic or manly response Hmm shouldn't he be madly jealous? Grin

hairfullofsnakes · 31/07/2011 19:53

agree with keynesian - do the meeting in a bar with your dh... it is fun!

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:54

Would be fun to do it knowing you don't need to find a long term relationship and stability, though, don't you think?

Would be nice if open relationships weren't as messy as they usually seem to turn out to be!

And also if Johnny Depp were around to have my fling with - He's on my laminated top five, so would be allowed...:D

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Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 19:55

Flatbread - My DH the same! Even a little turned on by it! Hmm He just smirks and says 'go on then'! Very odd.

OP posts:
backjustforaminute · 31/07/2011 20:11

GWS, Dh is my first & only long term, grown up relationship and I wish it could somehow be OK to have a crazy fling with someone else, just to see what it was like, then go back to Dh as if nothing had ever happened. I imagine it would be sooo exciting to just be able to go into a bar and pick up a random bloke.

I know some couples do manage to do this, but I don't think Dh would agree somehow!

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 20:14

Glad I'm not the only one, justforaminute

My DH is up for it actually, but I would be too scared of what would really happen - how it would really feel for him and what it would do to our relationship :(

Shame we can't all have what we want without consequences!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 20:26

I'd be more worried by your DH being up for it tbh.

Mrswhiskerson · 31/07/2011 20:27

I know exactly what you mean, my dh is gorgeous and I love him loads but now and then I think about what it would be like to have a mad apssio ate night with someone else , normally someone like Jason statham or till lindemann , big and a bit of rough. Just to get that lovely can't get enough need you now feeling which I miss now and again I wouldn't trade it for what I have with dh but it's nice to day dream! .

Original poster
greatwhiteshark · 31/07/2011 20:29

Agent - no need to worry. My DH is ace - I don't think he really would in reality. Just slightly turned on by the idea of someone else fancying his missus, I think!

MrsWhiskerson - exactly that! Would love it...but not enough to risk what I have now.

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