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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want mil to stop being so sad about dd "growing up"

17 replies

Hormoneoverload · 30/07/2011 15:42

to put this in context-dd2 is four weeks old! I am enjoying the changes and was feeling much happier about her getting bigger, more alert, less scrunched up, sleeping more. Then I was reminded about how mil ( who I adore and respect in most ways!) reacts as my children get bigger. There are frequent comically (usually) grief laden comments like "where's my baby gone?". Said this this morning! Reminded her that her baby was actually right in front of her! I know she's being light hearted but I don't really enjoy it.

OP posts:

Tuggy · 30/07/2011 15:46

seems like a non issue? she's only saying it light heartedly everyone says things like that!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2011 15:51

Probably because it seems to her that her own babies have grown up to adulthood and had children of their own in the 'blink of an eye'. Just keep reminding your MIL of all the lovely stages to come and tell her that you and she should just enjoy your DD 'in the moment' whatever that is.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2011 15:54

There's a limit to what you can usefully say about a baby. So most people fall back on cliched old standbys.... 'they grow up so fast', 'isn't he/she good?', 'doesn't he/she look like mum/dad/auntie nellie' etc. All very silly and meaningless but what can you do?

EdithWeston · 30/07/2011 15:55

If it's your MIL saying this - you need to respond with something about your DH's location. That's what her baby became!

AllGoodNamesGone · 30/07/2011 16:25

With my second and third babies, I was very aware of how fast they changed and stopped being newborns and, I have to be honest, I didn't like it and wanted to slow them down. I adore my children at whatever stage they are at but I loved the newborn bit so much I just wished it could last a bit longer (wouldn't have minded a fast forward button for two year olds!)

Perhaps your MIL is like me and it's happening even faster with her grandchild as she's not with her all the time!

If it's really annoying you, perhaps get DH to have a quiet word but I would probably not make a big deal out of it and just change the subject when she gets going.

TidyDancer · 30/07/2011 16:29

Aw she's just being sweet.

Are you possibly being territorial over the baby? I mean, do you not like the fact that she says my baby rather than my grandchild?

Total non-issue either way as far as I am concerned, but just trying to establish if it's annoying you for deeper reasons!

upahill · 30/07/2011 16:44

You are making a mountain out of a mole hill here.

Let it go, like you said you know she is being light hearted.
You would have something to moan about if she was being critical.

jimper · 30/07/2011 17:06

I know where you are coming from - it is a silly little thing. My MIL always says to my DD (7 weeks) 'Poor wee thing' - it drives me mad, what is so 'poor' about her!?

ll31 · 30/07/2011 17:10

Ican't see why you'd be annoyed.. surely its just her looking at baby and prob thinking how quickly they grow - prob thinking back to when she had babies herself.. truthfully I find myself thinking same thing sometimes....

NoelEdmundshair · 30/07/2011 17:19

yabu.

lisianthus · 30/07/2011 17:26

YANBU I know what you mean. It would be nice if GPs could just take them as they come and enjoy them at whatever age. My father told me recently to enjoy the years between 2 and 5 as they are the "best years" .

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 18:46

jimper my Mum says that" "Poor little baby, poor little thing!"

I don't know why either...

Original poster

Hormoneoverload · 30/07/2011 19:48

Thanks for the perspective! Think underneath it all I prob don't want dd to get bigger too quickly either-just didn't think she was yet! And it used to drive me mad and a bit sad how my mum went on about how nice I was when I was little. So issues perhaps? Or just having a bit of Sleep so bit more time to sweat the small stuff?! Hope mil doesn't start posting on gransnet about my trivial annoying comments - would crash the forum!

OP posts:

allhailtheaubergine · 30/07/2011 19:53

I like CogitoErgo's take that there's a limit to what you can usefully say about a baby. Nail on the head. I shall steal this phrase and pass it off as my own on future threads.

wellamI1981 · 30/07/2011 21:35

I totally get where you're coming from. DS is 16 weeks and I'm enjoying every new day with him - I don't wish he was any older or any younger.

I can't tell you how many people have said 'enjoy him, it goes so fast.' With some people (not all) I feel it's almost as if they are saying 'you're happy now but it won't last - ours were once like that too'. Yes hormonal, but when something is said to you repeatedly it's hard to not get annoyed. It's a phrase I will not be using in future to other new mums.

thefurryone · 30/07/2011 22:08

I know where you're coming from re annoying phrases, I'm continually asked whether DS (13 weeks) is a good baby, drives me mad, but I do the polite thing and just boast about what a smasher he is (at times) as I know people are just making conversation.

I have to confess though I find it nearly impossible not to comment in the style of an old lady that a baby is getting bigger if I haven't seen them for over a week

SharperSeven · 30/07/2011 23:11

Oh yes, furry! I did that recently to a strapping 16 year old. He really gave me the evils!
My mother drove me mad when my twins were tiny, by always wanting me to feed DD first, as DS was bigger. She insisted that the first feed was the best. I just wanted to clock her one every time she said it.

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