people who always arrive at lunch ..... feeling I am been used

[thistowillpass]

hi this is my first time but am I been a nark I have a releative who will drop off her child/ren as normally arranged but never collects them on time.
More often then not will arrive half way during ameal time after I have started to feed the kids and alway seems surprised and says 'oh I didnt have to feed them' but maybe its the irish mammy thing in me or the fact her kids are always looking for food but I am feeling used and as a lone parent who is only working pt it knocks out my budget
Am I been a bitch it maybe happens every second week but its really getting to me.

Can you delay your meal time on the day you look after the children?

Time to break out the Value sliced bread and fish paste.

If this is really bugging you then you are not being unreasonable. Could you tell her (next time she drops kids off) that you have something arranged that afternoon and you need her to pick her kids up on time? And continue to do this until she gets the message.

Its tricky as she would mind my kids too but I would alway collect on time and never send them with their arms swinging (with out something for lunch).
Would it be bad to feed mind and not hers ... would feel mean maybe the fish paste is the answer thanks and the going out works sometimes as just end up with extra heads

Bread and butter 'to tide them over' is all they need - they're going to get a meal when they get home - aren't they?? That's what I would do, and I'm not a one parent family who is only working part-time. I am, however, someone who doesn't like to be taken advantage of.

I have no new advice, but just wanted to say it's ages since I heard mention of 'arms swinging' and it made me smile.

Hope you get some resolution soon. Though beans on toast is always a good cheap filler for kids in an emergency. Cheap tomato soup and toast hacked into croutons too.

Really, in the circs, I would just do a very very cheap lunch that day. Value bread sandwiches, or cheap beans/spaghetti on toast, like tether and Procras suggest, would be fine. Plus water. Cheap and healthy.

I love hoops on toast.

Alternatively, when she says "Oh, you didn't have to feed them" respond with "You're late. It's lunchtime. They're hungry. What would you have me do, feed mine in front of them?" Seriously, pull her up on it. She's being a taker.

Agree with whereyouleftit - piss takers continue to take the piss unless you pull them up on it, although I'm a wimp in real life so it's easy for me to say that

Agree with WhereYouLeftIt if you want to pick her up on it. Veiled hints are not going to work, she knows full well what she's doing and will think you're soft. Either be really direct or give them something very cheap to tide them over... really good advice up there. :)

I agree with WhereYouLeftIt too. If you're not happy about it tell her. Don't seethe inwardly or drop hints.

If it's not worth pursuing just feed them all on the cheap.

Do you look after hers a lot more?

I think my approach would be the next time she asks to start to say "well OK, but I really do have to go by ( before lunch) so I need you to be on time this time....". Ie not being on time means there may not be as many next times after that

Where is clueless? she will tell your friend for you!

just wanted to say thanks for all ideas and having a chance to vent was wondering if I was been over sensitive but feel that I need to be more firm- and was today said I would only be able to mind for an hour when asked and stuck to it. its great having a place to check you arent totally over the top thanks

well done thistowillpass - it is hard sometimes to see if you are being mean or being taken advantage of, but clearly in your case it is the latter.....but not any more