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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting my DD (17) to go to an Ann Summers party?

29 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 21:52

I would think you have to be 18. It's being given by her friend (also 17), so presumably is in the mother's name. DD says the mother will be there. To me there's something a bit creepy about having an AS party with your ma, but anyway... I know she's had sex, and I want her to know about sex toys at some stage, but just not yet!

The last AS party I went to, the demonstrator had brought a trainee with her, who was 18. My friend turned to me & said it was a shame, a sort of loss of innocence, and I feel this about my DD. I also don't respect this particular mother - her DD has just got her 3rd tattoo (underage, don't forget) and the mother went with her to get it, so was done in full knowledge. AIBU to think that it's all too much too soon?

OP posts:
prayingmantisgroupie · 29/07/2011 21:57

Hello, I used to be an Ann Summers party organiser, and you are not allowed to have under 18's present at an Ann Summers party. They are also certainly not allowed to be the host.
So YANBU, but not sure how you can stop her going, unfortunately. FWIW, I absolutely agree with you.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:16

Wow, thanks. I appreciate that.

I didn't think I could stop her either but it turns out that another of DD's friends has invited her out that night so she's not going to the AS. Phew. She's going to tell the AS mother that I won't let her go!

OP posts:
Malificence · 29/07/2011 22:20

I think YABU, she is over the age of consent and AS just reinforces the idea that sexual pleasure is and always should be fun.

My DD is now 21 but she's been going to the parties since the age of around 17, (she gets weirded out if I even read the catalogues though and certainly wouldn;t want me at a party withe her).
It shouldn't be seen as a loss of innocence for a 17 year old to have access to sex toys, it's a positive thing for a girl to know what works for her sexually.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:26

I agree with your last sentence, and I'd love to pass on my own experiences to her, one day. I wouldn't even mind if she goes next year, when she's 18. But somehow it just feels wrong atm, when she's so young and has only had one bf.

OP posts:
Zondra · 29/07/2011 22:27

She's 17 not 7 & you already say she is not a virgin so,no innocence shall be lost at an AS's party!
I don't see how she should be shielded from the horror of sex toys if she's already had a real,male appendage inserted in her vagina. Horse,stable door & all that mcgubbins...

SnapesPlaything · 29/07/2011 22:28

YABU to think its weird to have a mum in residence. I've been to them where we have had older and younger women sometimes mother and daughter, was fine IMO.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:28

But sexual pleasure is more than just fun, isn't it? Deeper than just fun. It's a special connection with a special person.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:32

Snapes, what 17yo with their mums? I don't think I'd have wanted to go to an AS party with my mum at age 17 - they are just learning to do their own thing and keeping me in the dark is part of the fun!

OP posts:
SnapesPlaything · 29/07/2011 22:52

Not 17 yr olds, I think YANBU to not want a 17 yr old there just cos it breaks the rules if nothing else but have seen 20-25 yr olds there with mums.

hellymelly · 29/07/2011 23:03

I am open mouthed with horror at the mere thought of attending an Anne Summers party with MY MUM.But then I'm almost as open mouthed with horror at the thought of an Anne Summers party full stop.Tupperware,that's something i could go to with my Mum.
YANBU. at 17 she is barely more than a child. Virgin or not,it feels wrong to me.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 29/07/2011 23:07

I would not go to an as party with my mum, nor would she want to go with me.

I would be very suprised if your daughter doesn't know about sex toys though tbh.

angelPeacock · 29/07/2011 23:08

my mum held a party at home when i was 16/17...she let me and my friend in on it and it was fun (i have a VERY open and honest relationship with my mum about sex) but it got to a point where the girls had had a bit to drink and was getting a bit much for us, it was getting slightly embarrasing so we laughed on our way out...i dont want to know what happned for the rest of the party but i have been to many since with my mum. I would LOVE my DD to be as comfortable with these things as i am with my mum.
having said that, i DO understand how you feel protective about her going to one, and im sure if i was to say to my mum at 17 that i was invited to one at a friends, she wouldnt have been as understanding as the one where she was at IYGWIM
glad the situation is now resolved for you xxx

Hatesponge · 29/07/2011 23:12

I don't think YABU. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a teenage DD going along. I'm 39 and have never been to a AS party - this is because frankly would rather chew off my own arm than go to one, so am possibly not the best person to give a balanced opinion...!

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 23:18

Many thanks to you. I expected some people to disagree with me but it's nice to know that some of you understand where I'm coming from.

Talking of which, AS has added a definite something to my own life Wink.
I defo want her to know about sex toys one day.

Oooh and AngelPeacock I've never had kisses before so xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx to you!

OP posts:
spookshowangel · 30/07/2011 09:52

i went to an ann summers party with my mum when i was ohhhhhh 15 or maybe 16. i wasnt having sex at the time. we were invited separately by work colleague who prob didnt know my age my mum let me go and i invited a friend i have found memories of it being a giggle and one of the first times i remember seeing my mum as an adult and not just my mum.
re sex toys nothing wrong with knowing about sex toys at that age but its unlikely she will appreciate them till she is older in regards to the ann summers rules having been an ann summers rep myself the rule is 18 but it isnt exactly like you go round asking for id at the party's is it.if someone looks old enough you just assume they are. like me when i was very underage.

supadupapupascupa · 30/07/2011 10:07

i think yabu

the age of consent is 16 and she is not a virgin.

she has probably been masterbating for years, and is probably well educate already with regards to sex toys.

vividgingerchilli · 30/07/2011 10:10

your daughter, your choice, but I would say no.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/07/2011 10:12

I was a lot younger than 18 and I went with my mother. It was an aunt-to-be's hen night though and I don't think my mother knew what an AS party was :o She handled it bloody well when she realised though!

maypole1 · 30/07/2011 10:38

I once went to an Ann summer and was shocked to find the hosts 12 year old daughter their,

Didn't end up buying anything and hid in the kitchen most of the night very Hmm

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2011 15:27

Miranda, please, for the love of god, don't pass on your own experiences to your daughter! I can't (as a daughter) think of anything worse!

oiwheresthecoffee · 30/07/2011 15:32

I think YABU. Why does it have to be a loss of innocence ? Can you think of it was your DD growing up , doing things an adult woman might do ? I dont see a problem with 17 year olds having sex toys. I remember a few of us having them (not me , at least until later) having them around that age.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 30/07/2011 15:51

YABU A vibrator can't get you into trouble or hurt you like a boyfriend can. Good thing for a teenager to have. Think it is an uncomfortable thought for you because female masturbation is a taboo. You appear to be saying you are ok with a man penetrating her but not ok with her doing it to herself.

notcitrus · 30/07/2011 15:53

I'd prefer a daughter had sex toys rather than ended up having sex with someone she wasn't crazy about just because she wanted sex.

Though Ann Summers sells lots of tacky outfits to 'make' you attractive to your partner and 'games' designed to reinforce sexual stereotypes, all overpriced, so YANBU.

TartyDoris · 30/07/2011 15:59

I have been to AS parties where mothers and teen daughters were together and talking about sex toys and a lot more. I think its healthy.

janelikesjam · 30/07/2011 16:22

A "vibrator" cannot get you into emotional trouble I suppose, but it does enforce idea on a young girl that sex is all about a woman having an orgasm; when surely it is also about sensuality, passion, affection and so forth. I bet Ann Summers has nothing to say about that ...