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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be one of those mums who lives off benefits?

77 replies

yummybutterbiscuit · 29/07/2011 16:58

struggling to find a job, have applied everywhere since graduating, even basic jobs which I'm very over qualified for but still not getting anywhere.

About a month ago I jokingly said to OH that I should just get pregnant and live off benefits money. But as time goes by my exhausted stressed brain is telling me that I NEED money, so just now is as good a time as any to have a baby. If I'm not working anyway I might as well have a baby.

Deep down I know I'm being unreasonable, but if no one else wants me I might as well. I know I want kids, and soonish, as in next couple of years, but just thought I wouldget a job first.

Basically I need someone to tell me to snap put of it and carry on looking for a job, but there's only so many CVs I can send out without wanting to give up.

OP posts:
claricestar · 29/07/2011 20:07

I worked in grotty jobs after graduating and did bits of volunteering before going to work abroad for a bit. It was great fun! You have the freedom to do so much before you have kids and it can all help build your CV.
It's a lot harder to do all this stuff once you have kids believe me. You should enjoy not being tied down by a house and garden full of toys...there's plenty of time for that.

IRCL · 29/07/2011 20:21

akae - My cousin, she moved in to the YMCA (was no need to) knowing that they would not allow a baby there therefore had to rehouse her, quickly.

I don?t think she had the baby for that reason but think she used it as an advantage?

Aside from her, Nope I do not know anyone else yet people I have came across seem to think it is a common occurrence.

Mrsxstitch · 29/07/2011 20:27

YABVU. I can't find a job (3 years) took a part time job as it was all I could get but it doesn't pay the bills and I will be homeless in a few weeks. I will have me DC taken away never to see them again. I admit I have days I feel like giving up with job hunting but when I say that I mean giving up completely as in suicide. rant about the job situation by all means but don't go around suggesting people have children so they can live the life of Riley, life's not like that. You have very little experience of life if you think it is.

zukiecat · 29/07/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 29/07/2011 22:15

I live on a bad council estate

Ordinary people live here, all doing their best to live and get by

no different from any fucker else really

HeatherSmall · 29/07/2011 22:36

I'm afraid I do know people ie more than one woman who became pregnant not so much for the benefits but more for the housing.
Life is hard for a single person on an ordinary wage ie £22k or less to rent somewhere, pay bills and have any quality of life.
The two I can think of straight away had very little in the way of qualifications, one wasn't capable, one was very bright but bone idol, children were their way out of a mundane existence and in some ways you could hardly blame them, where's the incentive to wait.

GypsyMoth · 29/07/2011 23:26

children dont get you rehoused tho......you still have to wait it out in hostels and b and b's like everyone else,and have the children wit you whilst you wait!!

you may get put in a higher banding or have more point,but if there are no houses there are no houses.

biddysmama · 29/07/2011 23:32

does your oh not work? youd get tax credits if he does which isnt much!

Tortington · 29/07/2011 23:36

bullshit you can't get a job - you can get a job - but not at the salary you want. go stack some shelves or clean

abbscrosswoman · 30/07/2011 00:27

I don't know anyone who got pregnant to get a house/ flat, but doesn't it amount to the same thing if you are eg living with parents and 'become' pregnant ? I know of a number of women in this or similar situations who have gone to the local housing association and have been allocated funding to rent in the private secctor. In fact they prefer to do this rather than be allocated a council property. Not that I blame them as some of these properties are in bad repair and in unpleasant areas.

thursday · 30/07/2011 00:37

children cost more than they 'earn' you in benefits. the idea that having a baby will make you better of is spectacularly stupid. i know being unemployed for a while is depressing but getting all bitter about other people and their lives wont improve your lot. having a baby while you're allegedly unemployable and your dp is a student would be dim.

BluddyMoFo · 30/07/2011 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 30/07/2011 00:40

but think of all that 15 quid (or whatever it is) wooooooooow

get a job stacking a shelf love, you'll earn it in two and a half hours and wont get stretchmarks, a bucket fanny, piss yourself when you sneeze.

manicbmc · 30/07/2011 00:45

Yeah, because tax credit just covers everything and makes life sooooo easy. Ffs!

I work part time. My partner works full time. We still have to top up with tax credits/working tax credits. We pay full rent and council tax.

I'm looking for full time work but tbh all that will mean is a bit less benefit.

madhattershouse · 30/07/2011 00:46

I have 4 dc's..we have been on benefits due to oh's illl health but he has (this week) started a new job. Benefits suck! We were so poor my mum helped us by buying nappies and we have seveeral hundred pounds of debt to pay off. We are now in limbo..hoping desperately that oh's 40 hours a week at minimum wage will leave us better off..but the transition is scary. We will not get his wages for 5 weeks after he started work and we have no knowledge of what we will end up with per month..need t know how much tax and N.I before we have any idea of what we will be left with. Benefits may be bad, but the transition to working means hours on the phone (hmrc overloaded) and so many adjustments that it will take two months to find out what our real income will be!! In the meantime what the hell are we supposed to do? IME staying on benefits is far easier..shit, right??

swallowedAfly · 30/07/2011 00:53

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madhattershouse · 30/07/2011 00:59

swallowed what makes you differnent then?? Not a scrounger coz you tried, and failed??? Sorry, all tarred with the same brush! You are not working and on benefits. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself!

swallowedAfly · 30/07/2011 01:04

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alowVera · 30/07/2011 08:12

OP, why would you be exhausted and stressed now, before you have children, that will only get worse.

If you are over qualified, then take the quals off your cv, I have a collection of "doctored" cv's, depending on the type of job I want to go for.

Have you tried agency work?

OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 30/07/2011 08:23

Stupid plan. It may look like a lot of money to a single childless person but it will all be spent on the child, believe me. Unless you plan on neglecting it.

enprovence · 30/07/2011 22:24

May I ask what did you graduate in?

I have a degree (Hispanic/French studies) and since gradauation in 2000 I have had a selection of shite jobs, all I stuck at for long periods, all paid rubbish, all I was underqualified for. But I DID IT.

I have 3 children and am currently not working due to 2 of my 3 DC being registered disabled.
I am poor as can be but I have NEVER, EVER been on benefits in my life, except child benefit which we all get!

The benefits system is not a lifestyle choice, it is there for the genuine and needy. Is working in a supermarket beneath you whilst you search for better work?
I have a degree and I did a shelf stacking evening job at M&S for 3 years!!

misty75 · 30/07/2011 22:45

mrs xstitch, please post again about your situ, it sounds terrible but there must be a solution, have you been to an advice centre (like cab) to check if you are eligible for tax credits and housing benefit, and if you're paying back any credit they could also help reduce your payments. You will not lose your kids. You could get help to stay put or get rehoused. Please say what area you are in and i'll try and find stuff out for you?

CRS · 30/07/2011 23:04

I became pregnant by (happy) accident when I was too young and we had no income (my partner was 20 and still at uni). See my thread on debt and taking out a payday loan to pay electricity bill nearly eleven years later. We both retrained after both had graduated, and both have good jobs,and believe me, three and a half years of one parent on low income and the other on none has long term repercussions.

It would take you YEARS to get out of the poverty trap. I know. If you have aspirations beyond finding a fiver for the leccy over a trip to the park with an ice cream, reconsider. Quick.

I wouldn't be without my son, he's fab and the best thing in my life. But there's a reason why he's an only child. (Although would love another).

InWithTheITCrowd · 30/07/2011 23:16

Did you graduate this year, OP? If so, then it's really only been a couple of months. When I graduated, it took me 4 months to get a job (and I was sending out 6-10 applications a week) - I did have to sign on after a few weeks, which was very disheartening after working so hard at Uni - and in the end I got a job after I took my degree off my cv. I understand how you feel, but you have to suck it up and just get a job, and then keep looking if it's not the one you want!
It's an employers' market out there - there are thousands of new graduates all in the same boat as you.
I had a series of fairly rubbish jobs, but then 5 years ago (10 years after graduating) I landed my dream job and couldn't be happier.

I'm not saying this to make you feel low - but you are not the only one, and you will always have your degree. Even if you don't use it immediately, it will come into play one day. in the meantime, you just have to be resourceful and just earn money. Having a baby now for the reasons you stated, is just silly. But then, you know that.

TimeWasting · 30/07/2011 23:31

You haven't thought about this at all have you OP? Child Benefit and Tax Credits do not go very far. Of course if you're planning on leaving OH you'd get a little more help. You'd be living on the breadline with a child and with much more limited potential for finding a job of course.

Take a job at a salad-packing factory doing 12 hour nightshifts.
Or go travelling.
Live in a yurt.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get some fucking perspective, you're (presumably) young, you're educated and you are not yet facing the binds (however precious) that having children place on our lives.

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