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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be one of those mums who lives off benefits?

77 replies

yummybutterbiscuit · 29/07/2011 16:58

struggling to find a job, have applied everywhere since graduating, even basic jobs which I'm very over qualified for but still not getting anywhere.

About a month ago I jokingly said to OH that I should just get pregnant and live off benefits money. But as time goes by my exhausted stressed brain is telling me that I NEED money, so just now is as good a time as any to have a baby. If I'm not working anyway I might as well have a baby.

Deep down I know I'm being unreasonable, but if no one else wants me I might as well. I know I want kids, and soonish, as in next couple of years, but just thought I wouldget a job first.

Basically I need someone to tell me to snap put of it and carry on looking for a job, but there's only so many CVs I can send out without wanting to give up.

OP posts:
mycatsaysach · 29/07/2011 18:01

yy empusa - be careful what you wish for op

Kladdkaka · 29/07/2011 18:05

I spent a few years on benefits as a single mum. I wore flipflops all the time, even throughout winter, because I couldn't afford shoes. I didn't have a coat the whole time. No carpets or curtains in my home. No TV. Washed everything by hand as no washing machine. Putting milk cartons into buckets of cold water because the electricity had run out and it was that or give up bread. I could go on if you need more.

Oblomov · 29/07/2011 18:13

why don't you create an illness for yourself aswell, while you're at it. Then you can get incapacity benefit. Oh no, sugar, that won't work. My friend is so ill, but they calculated that she could pick up a carton of juice, which was one of the requirements. so she didn't get it.
Looks like we may have to come up with another plan Wink !!

Original poster
yummybutterbiscuit · 29/07/2011 18:19

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, it was just a badly worded rant and I apologise.

For those that asked I do live with my OH but he's a full time student so no income there. Just now all I'm relying on is money from my dad to get by which I feel so guilty about.

I have a couple of people on Facebook who had kids young, and put up loads and loads of photos of lovely days out, rooms full of toys, lovely back gardens etc and it gets to me sometimes that their lives seem more together than mine. But I suppose that could all be a front to a pretty hard life.

Again, sorry if I offended anyone.

OP posts:
piratecat · 29/07/2011 18:24

yes you are being unreasonable really. many of us are in the same boat an have already got children, and our dh's, partners have left us and left us in a shitty position.

i really really wanted to be in a council house, and on bens, with no support in any way from the man i dedicated my life to.

as u were.

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 29/07/2011 18:25

When did you graduate?

Why are you not clamining Job Seekers Allowance?

What is your dp doing for income over the summer?

YABVU by the way.

LaWeasel · 29/07/2011 18:25

I was unemployed while DH was a full time student.

The whole family lost weight we were so skint, despite reusable nappies and breastfeeding...

We had lots of nice things, because we had them already, and I was given almost all of DDs baby things, bags and bags of the stuff (including designer baby clothes lol).

If I hadn't been working before I got pregnant it would have been much worse as I wouldn't have been entitled to any maternity pay, probably not as much tax credits etc.

Steeplearningcurve · 29/07/2011 18:25

I looked into the available benefits for a single mum not working just after dd was born as I had a panic at the thought of leaving her. Believe me, it is not an easy way to live and I'm lucky enough to have a relatively cheap rented flat.

FWIW I do know how demoralising it is to be looking for a job after graduating, me and my friends had the same struggle. However we are mostly now in jobs we enjoy which pay a decent wage so don't give up.

piratecat · 29/07/2011 18:25

also, pre-kids, most have us have struggled to find and keep jobs, so you just have to keep at it.

hellospoon · 29/07/2011 18:27

PMSL.... 3 in 3 days my my you are doing well.

CHANGE THE FRICKIN RECORD

fishtankneedscleaning · 29/07/2011 18:28

So....... it seems you are unable to find a job. Your OH is a student. And you want to live off benefits?? What is your main income at the moment then?

learningtofly · 29/07/2011 18:50

Hellospoon - I would object to a tortoise econ, they are lovely pets ;)

GypsyMoth · 29/07/2011 18:52

Your oh could still bloody work!! And he gets grants/Bissau to live, so it's income

Stop fleecing your dad and sign on, then you will get help with cv/interviews/training as well as regular money to support yourself

And forget Facebook!! Stop being so wishy washy and get on with your own life. And educate yourself about the weird benefit stereotype you seem to have!

Glitterknickaz · 29/07/2011 18:54

Oh yeah, go for it.
Then come back and tell us just how cushy it is next winter when you're deciding whether to put another fiver on the electric to heat the house or buy food for yourself.
Cos that's how it is.

learningtofly · 29/07/2011 18:57

In all seriousness though OP I would reconsider. We are fortunate to have two wages coming in and still some months it feels like squeaky bum time to whether all the bills get paid. Children have a way of making all available funds magically disappear and I take my hat off to those who manage to make ends meet on benefits. I don't for one minute doubt that its takes some damn good budgeting skills

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/07/2011 18:58

Don't believe the hype OP. I was one of those who followed the Daily Mail dream and what have I found?

They woz lying. I can't afford to drink in the house once a week, never mind large it up in town centres shaming my gender. I don't have the money for even a tiny tattoo, I don't have subscription TV and have not been able to go to Spain for just one wee week of sun.Sad

I'm just mightily skint all the time.

wigglesrock · 29/07/2011 19:01

I managed to get a job - I'm a cleaner and hugely over qualified for it, or is that not the kind of job you're looking for!

HairyBeaver · 29/07/2011 19:01

Hang on a god damn minute, you have no DC's and yet can'y find a job Hmm

I find that very hard to believe! There's always bar/pub/club jobs, factory work, cleaning work etc. You literally have the best pick of the jobs as you have no childcare to worry about so can work any hours!!!

I've have been searching for jobs for 7 months but most of them I can't get childcare to cover the hours they want or they want weekend work, so i'm a bit Angry at you tbvh

DizzyKipper · 29/07/2011 19:02

You have my sympathies. I've also struggled to get a job, applying for far too many that I'm over qualified for and hearing nothing back - it's very disheartening isn't it? Nonetheless, you're still being unreasonable - and of course you knew that. I can't get the job I want, or one that's even close to what I want, well that's tough. I'm now doing a minimum wage job well below my skill set but I am earning and least making a contribution to society rather than giving in and taking instead. Meanwhile I can keep plugging away at getting a job I do want - currently having to look into further training/qualifications and voluntary work to acquire new skill sets, and that's just to get something I wouldn't mind doing rather than the actual job I want to.

I also want a baby, but not because I want money for it! It's because I'm with the man I love, have been with him for many years, and we've been waiting until after we've finished our education and are in the position where we could financially support a baby.

ThePosieParker · 29/07/2011 19:02

So let's see you've never contributed to the tax coffers and you think you can easily live off the benefits you will receive?

Yes, often I drive through lovely areas near to me full of luxurious cars, single mothers with fab holidays, their kids at the best schools and all dressed in expensive clothes......Hmm

Yes go for it, don't know why people would ever want to come off benefits when they can nearly afford heatingHmm.

Ever thought about doing any job just to get on the job ladder?

IRCL · 29/07/2011 19:07

YABU.

Who do you define as one of those mums on benefits?

I was one of those mums up until a week ago, It is not nice, unless you want to be judged daily and genuinely looked down upon like you are the scum of the earth?

Stop moaning and continue your job search. That is what I did and I was offered a job last week. Maybe I got it because I didn?t have a big chip on my shoulder. Grin

Don?t give up, however in the meantime don?t slag other people off when you know nothing about their circumstances.

TartyDoris · 29/07/2011 19:19

How can mums on benefits be "judged daily"? Who knows they are on benefits apart from close friends and family?

IRCL · 29/07/2011 19:51

Tarty there are loads of forums slating people on benefits. Going on about how they have designer gear, holidays abroad, live in mansions etc. People seem to think this is true and the majority of people on benefits live a lavish lifestyle.

Or the assumption that people have babies to get a council house.

I probably wasn?t judged daily but I felt like it a lot if that makes sense?!

akaemmafrost · 29/07/2011 19:58

Serious question. Does anyone on here actually know anyone who has become pregnant in order to claim benefits and get a council house? Seriously, because I live in many varied and some really rough areas and have never known anyone who did this.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/07/2011 19:59

Tarty, the media and others regularly judge the recipients of benefits. Single mothers are partcularly targetted.