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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For finding it really hard to bite my tongue with this horrible 13 year old -

84 replies

VeggieButcher · 29/07/2011 16:56

DS is 13 and has a facebook page as do most of his friends. There is one horrible little bitch in the school who simply will NOT leave him alone. She punches and slaps him at school, calls him horrible names constantly and is now obsessed with making snidey remarks on his facebook page constantly.

Like he was excited about a recent school trip so put that on his status, she just had to write underneath it "would be miles better if you wasn't going" and then "come to think of it, do they even allow retards in alton towers? maybe you should just go back to your cardboard box and stay there for the day?"

Its constant with her and he does NOT encourage her. I've spoken to the school and they have said concerns have been raised about her for a while because she IS a bully.

He deleted and blocked her off facebook and so she sent him all these nice texts saying she was sorry and was just in a shit mood so he added her as a friend again and last night she started on him again over facebook telling everyone he was chatting with on his "wall" that nobody in the school liked him and he was "fucking annoying" and "a complete fucking turd" etc.

I want to write underneath "to say you hate him so much, you can't seem to resist writing constant shit on his facebook page. Why not piss off and leave him alone?" but I know I "can't" Hmm

I've told him I want her deleted off his page and blocked as soon as he gets home tonight but I'm finding it SO difficult to bite my tongue. I just want to give her a piece of my mind.

OP posts:
BallerinaBetty · 29/07/2011 18:56

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. I definitely think you should take screenshots and report to the police. This has clearly been ongoing for a while and its not getting any better. At 13 she is old enough to take responsibility for her actions. I would like to say that a "chat" with the local police might make her and her parents think twice....but I think thats just me being optimistic.

MorelliOrRanger · 29/07/2011 19:09

If she's like this at school why did he add her as a friend on FB - its not hard, delete and block on there. Can't you also report her to FB for being a bully.

Also why does she have his phone number?

She sounds absolutely vile.

Pippaandpolly · 29/07/2011 19:13

Take a screen shot for proof and tell the school urgently. This is cyber bullying and they should have a policy about it. At my school 3 girls were suspended for 2 weeks each for doing less. Because it's online it will be in his digital footprint forever, even if it's deleted. It's very, very serious and the school should act accordingly. Your poor son Sad

Loonytoonie · 29/07/2011 19:30

Definitely take the screen shots and contact school.
Don't wait until new term - Head Teachers in this area are able to access their school email accounts remotely, and will be checking their accounts through the holidays.

I'd also agree that it sounds like she fancies your son, but regardless, she needs to learn sharpish, that FB isn't for tormenting others. As for the parents saying they can't control her - if it were my daughter, I'd be hoisting her PC/phone contract into the attic pretty damn quick.

ragged · 29/07/2011 19:35

If she's "constantly" bitchy 2 him on FB why wasn't she defriended ages ago? Confused.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 29/07/2011 19:35

Um, although she's being a bitch, why do you expect the school to do anything about it if it's out of school hours? It's absolutely not their responsibility. It's the parents' responsibility.

If they're being that slack, I suggest you consider upping the ante and go talk to your local community police officer and see whether they're aware of her?

Sorry - but cyber bullying isn't the school's fault if she's doing it after school hours. I work in a school and am sick to frigging DEATH of all the shit that cyber bullying brings inside the school.

Believe me - I have a lot of sympathy for you - try the police route. A good CPO can really put the frighteners on a child - but if she's that horrendous, then maybe she's a harder nut to crack? FWIW, I'd totally get your son off FB and get his phone number changed.

Very best of luck with it.

burnsie · 29/07/2011 19:50

Let him make the decision to block and delete her.
It will be far more empowering and cathartic for him.
Encourage him to focus on his positive mates.
She sounds like a right piece of work, does she do this to other kids?

Mitmoo · 29/07/2011 19:51

lost it depends if the abuse is affecting them at school the school should do something. In my case my son was scared to go to school and the school took action.

The pillocks are too stupid to realise they are putting their name and photo in most cases to the abuse.

I reported it to the police too and they considered it a crime though we didn't take action when the school sorted it.

MixedClassBaby · 29/07/2011 20:05

The school should deal with this even if it has happened out of school hours. Take screen shots into school and ask that school police liaison officer be involved. Cyber bullying is illegal (malicious communications act) and the school should take it seriously and deal with it appropriately. Ask to see the school anti-bullying policy; if it's worth it's salt it will cover cyber-bulling and procedures for dealing with it. Ask that it is adhered to.

MadamDeathstare · 29/07/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hocuspontas · 29/07/2011 20:30

I don't think I would bother with the school, I can't really see that it is their problem to sort out as it's the holidays and it's not spilling over into school at the moment. Escalate it with her parents/Facebook/police. And DELETE AS A 'FRIEND'!

SharperSeven · 29/07/2011 20:40

I agree with Lost; whilst bullying at school is clearly something they will try to deal with, what happens out of school time, on Facebook , mobile phone or any other medium, is NOT their problem, but the parents' problem. The school cannot control your child's access to these media, YOU can. Countless hours must be wasted by schools trying to sort out these issues, and then the kids go home and do it all again. Take your child off Facebook and change his phone number.

spiderpig8 · 29/07/2011 20:42

Well the answer lies in his own hands doesn't it .Delete and defriend.he obviously doesn't want to for some reason.Is it a weird kind of flirting.

DoMeDon · 29/07/2011 20:42

Agree with the copy, block, delete and report. Show to school and ask for a meeting with her parents.

I would use this as an opportunity to yeach your son a valuable life lesson - it doesn't matter how sorry someone says they are, when they have treated you this badly they should fuck off and then fuck off some more. But not in those words Wink

youarekidding · 29/07/2011 20:59

Print and police? Drastic? Maybe I would have said but if this girl is a problem and even her parents admit to not being able to control her maybe they could use some outside support?

Hope your DS is OK.

MittzyTheVixen · 29/07/2011 20:59

LostMy, when the children go to school together, the out of school relationship impacts massively on the in school one, and a good school will actually welcome the information as what happens on FB for instance, is usually the tip of an iceburg....

If you have been cyber bullied out of school but then have to sit in class with that person it is massively intimidating, and kids are very good at 'looks' that will very much remind you of what is going on.

DS was always reluctant to defriend people because of the then following consequences by the bully.
We have worked hard together to sort it.
And I did confront kids on FB but was very very careful how I worded what I was putting across. It is horrible.

intelligenceitself · 30/07/2011 15:57

Why "can't" you tell her to fuck off? She's 14! Try "if I looked like you I wouldn't have a picture up. Now fuck off" Adults are too worried about intervening in bullying, reporting doesn't work, and the reality is children have killed themselves because of vile, spoilt little bullies. Adult anger tends to put a stop to it very quickly IME

SharperSeven · 30/07/2011 22:39

Lostmy; "a good school will welcome the information..." ha- you really think so? I think a large comp would have to employ several people full time if they attempted to deal with everthing going wrong on FB. And why should they? PARENTS need to take responsibility and get their kids OFF the bloody thig, not let them add people as "FRIENDS" who are giving them a hard time. Countless hours are wasted on this crap- schools are not the place for sorting out of school issues.

squeakytoy · 30/07/2011 22:55

I agree with intelligenceitself.

If some brat was bullying MY child, I would have no hesitation in butting in and putting a comment on there that they would see and would know in no uncertain terms that as a parent and an adult I would not be letting a child get away with that sort of behaviour.

thefirstmrsrochester · 30/07/2011 22:57

As intelligence says, next time she posts crap like that, message her right back telling her you are not standing for her bullying your child (or any other for that matter) and are not only blocking her but will be passing screen prints to the community police officer and the school.
Bet she pipes down immediately.
You will be doing her a favour actually. If this is how she is cutting her teeth re cyber bullying god knows where it would end up if left unchecked.

Bubbaluv · 30/07/2011 23:29

Don't you remember your teen years? Just think how humiliating it would be for a teenager to have his Mum rush to his defence in front of ALL his friends and acquaintances.
I agree that her posts need to be reported to FB, the school, her parents and, if necessary, the police, but if you type something to her she will just use it against your son.

spiderpig8 · 31/07/2011 14:24

i am wondering what people think the police should do?

spiderpig8 · 31/07/2011 14:27

Intelligenceitself/squeakytoy- can you not see there is a world of difference between a child posting a mean comment on another child'ds wall, and an adult doing it?

Southernisle · 31/07/2011 14:39

A boy was doing this to my teenager's page, a family friend teenager contacted me to see if it was a joke between them, when I said it was not, they posted on the wall in the comment bit, a teenage response, making it clear that others were seeing what this bully was doing and that my child had people who were looking out for them.

The boy instantly stopped, and now just ignores my child.

Had it with a girl, who was posting comments underneath any photo of my child and were very derogatory. So I spoke to my teenager, who said they were scared of their mum, and their mum was really strict.

So I sent this girl a pm in inbox, and said that I wasn't sure if her mother was aware what she was posting on FB, but if it continued, I would be making her aware. The girl apologised to me and my child, and they are now friends.

Two ways I've dealt with cyberbulling maybe either one could help you.

bruffin · 31/07/2011 15:06

Sharperseven - DCs school do welcome that sort of information - they stamp down very hard on cyber bullying.
My dd showed me a nasty comment about one of her friends. I sent it into school and they bought in the parents, girl was put into ALE and phone banned from school.
Another case I know t- boys put into ALE and police bought in to talk to them.

i am wondering what people think the police should do?

There has been a case recently where girls were prosecuted for cyber bullying in the uk.