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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my parents to book a hotel room?

49 replies

MilkandWine · 28/07/2011 14:09

Opinions please as I'm really not sure if I'm being a cow or not here.

Basically I moved to London last month and my parents are coming down to visit me (and meet up with an old friend who will be in the country briefly at the same time, so it's not just to see me)

I have a flat in the busiest part of Camden imaginable (right next to the tube). I love my flat but it is tiny weeny. It has a little living room/kitchen dinner, a small bedroom and an en suite shower room. You would call it bijoux if you were being nice and a poky little hole if you weren't!

My dilemma is my mother is making it very clear that they are expecting to stay with my for the whole trip. Admittedly I have a sofa bed but once it's folded down there will be no room to even move in living area. Plus the front isn't double glazed and Camden is incredibly noisy, they literally won't get any sleep. I am in the back room and I still can hear the noise with ear plugs in!.

I suggested (tentatively) to my mother that they can get a decent hotel for around £100 a night if they book in advance. Her response was 'Oh no, your dad will never fork out for a hotel'. Now if my parents were short of money then fair enough but they aren't! They have more than enough to cover the cost of a few nights in London.

So am I being unreasonable? If I lived in a decent sized flat then fair enough I wouldn't mind at all. As it is though we will be squashed in like sardines and probably getting on each others nerves. Even if they spent 1 night at mine and 2 in a hotel it would be something but they won't even consider it.

OP posts:
BertyBurlington · 28/07/2011 14:13

how long they staying

BikeRunSki · 28/07/2011 14:16

50/50 on a hotel?
Do your parents know the shortcomings of your flat?

Folicacid · 28/07/2011 14:16

I think you just need to tell your mum what you've said in your post. They may not sleep well for the whole time because of the noise and there is little space. Then it's up to them I suppose, you've given then the option of staying elsewhere- or maybe they could even have a night with the other friend?

AMumInScotland · 28/07/2011 14:17

I'd guess if they don't live in the centre of a city themselves, they don't have much understanding of how noisy you mean. Personally, I'd warn them, then let them come to stay. Then in the morning, when they have barely had a wink of sleep and have had to fold up their bed to get any breakfast, suggest the hotel again.... They might be more open to suggestions at that point!

redexpat · 28/07/2011 14:18

I would have them to stay, with the number of a hotel or two on hand. They will possibly change their minds. And you'll all have to fold the bed up everymorning and get it out every evening.

Alternatively make it clear to them that you are thinking about THEIR needs. Have you explained that it is noisy and cosy and that you don't think they will be comfortable?

Original poster
MilkandWine · 28/07/2011 14:19

They are staying for 3 nights, maybe 4.

Yes I've explained to them that's it's a tiny flat and really noisy but it isn't making any difference. My mother has the most sensitive hearing in the world and I know she won't sleep a wink.

I really want to see them and show them London and whatnot. I just think with us all crammed in such a small flat tempers will start to fray and that's not what I want their visit to be like. I'm fretting about it already.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 28/07/2011 14:23

She may have sensitive hearing but she seems to be good at not hearing what she does not want to hear - such as your hints. Be forthright and say it is impossible.

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/07/2011 14:26

Make it absolutely clear to them how small and noisy your flat is - and then leave it up to them.

Presumably you will all be out doing things during the day? So it's only the nights that are likely to be difficult.

I think asking them to spend money on 3 or 4 nights in a hotel is a bit much really. But if they decide that your flat is too small and/or noisy, then that's up to them!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/07/2011 14:27

Agree - make them aware how tiny it is but say something along the lines of you can try it for a night and if it really is unmanageable they can go to a hotel.

Original poster
MilkandWine · 28/07/2011 14:28

Andewofgg ha, ha, that's pretty much what I was thinking when I was typing that last post.

I think I'm just going to have to let them stay and see what happens. As others have said they might change their minds after a night of no sleep whatsoever.

If one of them dares to moan, even just the once, I will tell them that they were told in advance and it's their own fault if they are knackered. I know they won't book a hotel though, even if their eyes are hanging out of their sockets by the end of day 2, my dad is too stingy!

OP posts:
mamofK · 28/07/2011 14:29

Tell them the exact situation and that they are more than welcome to stay with you, but if after one night they find it too noisy that you wouldn't be insulted if they wanted to stay in (already researched and identified) hotel

nomoreheels · 28/07/2011 15:08

Yanbu. I used to stay with a friend in her teensy one bed flat in Camden so I know exactly what you mean! Hers sounds like it's slightly bigger than yours but not much so. She had a washing line strung across the length of the bath & every bit of space was used for storage. It was ok for one night as a crashpad (& I was in my mid 20s so noise & discomfort was ok with me then) but several nights for your parents... hmm.

London hotel prices are grim though. I'd not want to pay £100/night for something very average. However if they can afford it, they'll probably be much more comfortable.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 28/07/2011 15:12

Just to put the cat amongst the pigeons - you don't think they'll be expecting to stay in your bed/bedroom while you sleep on the sofabed do you?!

ImperialBlether · 28/07/2011 15:16

Do you have a friend you can stay with whilst they're there?

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/07/2011 15:24

That's a thought, Nooby ... !

LineRunner · 28/07/2011 15:32

I hope to god you've got a separate toilet?

But only an en suite shower? How's that going to work..... do they get your room?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/07/2011 15:35

Do you have any friends nearby who might be away and could lend you their flat. I once borrowed a house for my family one Xmas, worked a treat!

itsraining · 28/07/2011 15:39

My first thouhght was that they would expect to have your bedroom whilst they stay in the better room. Will you be having to go to work while they're staying.

fwiw, my fil expected dh and I to give up our bed and to sleep on a sofa bed so that he could sleep in our large double when he came to stay, he said it would be more comfortable - I was 40 weeks pregnant at the time and he didn't seem to see any problem with this request. We point blank refused - not ususally like this but birth was impending.

The lesson I learned was never to underestimate the selfishness of some older people.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/07/2011 15:40

Selfishness does increase with age I agree!

Andrewofgg · 28/07/2011 15:44

itsraining where did you get the idea that only older people can be selfish?

Not giving a toss about anybody else is equal-opps: young, old, male, female, with small children, with grown-up children, without children, gay, straight, black, white, striped, you name them, they can do it!

Georgimama · 28/07/2011 15:50

People who had a tendency to be a bit self centred when younger can become tyrannical egocentrics with age. I think people do get more selfish as they get older, even in a healthy "it's my time now" sort of way when children have grown up and they don't have to make the same compromises/sacrifices they did in their 30s/40s.

squeaver · 28/07/2011 15:55

As others have said, I bet they think they'll be sleeping in your bed.

Could YOU move out and stay with a friend while they're there?

PorkChopSter · 28/07/2011 15:55

The toilet issue alone would do it for me.

northerngirl41 · 28/07/2011 16:05

I used to live right there too - it is bloody loud. Especially when they empty the bottle banks @ 5am....

I guarantee you they'll stay one night and then make their excuses and book in somewhere nice.

People don't realise how tiny these flats can be. My mother recently saw my sister's new flat in London which was described as having "a really big lounge" - which is does because there are 2 x 3-person sofas in there comfortably. My mother walks in and says "Bloody hell, I thought you said this was big?" Cue MAJOR strop from sister and rightly so.

Original poster
MilkandWine · 28/07/2011 16:20

There is no way they are sleeping in my bed whilst I have the sofa bed. I'm sorry, I love my parents very much but I refuse to be sleep deprived for 3 nights because they won't fork out for a hotel!

Yes the bathroom issue is worrying me as well. It's en suite so if anyone want's to use toilet during night or whatnot they will be tramping through my room and waking me up.

northerngirl41 I don't think they actually grasp how small London places are either. They know how much it costs me so I think they are imagining something really nice for the price. In Sunderland (where I'm from) I could afford a 2 bed town house with a garden at the same price. I don't blame your poor sister for getting stroppy, I will probably be doing precisely the same thing with my parents when they get here.

I only have 2 good friends in London, 1 has a flat half the size of mine and there's literally nowhere to put me. The other has acquired an unwelcome lodger in the shape if her friends little sister over from Australia for 3 weeks. If it wasn't for that then I would have been welcome to stop there.

Bloody hell, the way it's going I will end up booking a hotel room for myself!

OP posts: