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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not understand why some parents have adult only living rooms

120 replies

carriedababi · 27/07/2011 18:10

seems a bit mean to the childrento say this living room is adults only,
i can understand wanting your own space a bit in the bedroom, but to have an adults only living room...

well surely you live together as one family don't you.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 27/07/2011 21:27

I knew someone who had this. TBF there whole house was huge so having one out of bounds room probably wasn't an issue. the only time the child was allowed in was events such as Christmas. But it did seem very odd if I am honest.

We have a toy free living room, but most definitely not adult only. DD and our child guests are all very welcome. We do allow some toys in here if we have toddlers visiting for example, but DD's toys are elsewhere - her room or playroom mainly. I don't want or need boxes of toys in here these days and haven't done since we moved here when DD was 3.5y, she is now 9y.

queenmaeve · 27/07/2011 21:27

We don't have a tv in our sitting room. It has a lovely couch and coffee table that I don't want toy cars run up and down on. The dc are not 'banned' but I do usually shoo them out if they start messing it up. They have a playroom, the sunroom or the living room to play in. I dont think its odd. If the dc have a designated play room why can't I?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 27/07/2011 22:08

I'd have loved a separate sitting room when my DC where growing up but we didn't have the room.

Jenstar21 · 27/07/2011 22:21

I never quite understand this one, unless you have a bit of a mansion. :)
I had a boyfriend in my teenage years who was one of 6 children, who all lived at home, with their parents. His mother used to keep the 'good living room' locked(!) and not let any of the 'children' (aged 12 -21) into it. It was a 4 bedroom house, so they were all sharing rooms, and when visitors, such as me, came round, we had to sit in the kitchen. It just seemed such a waste of a room, when the house was already pretty full.....

trixymalixy · 27/07/2011 22:26

I'd kill for a living room without any toys in it.

TanyaBranning · 27/07/2011 22:32

Growing up we just had one room that we did everything in. My mum was a bit of a boho hippie type and she had her desk in that room for working at, we had a telly, our toys, a table for eating at...it was an all purpose family room and yes, it was very a bit shabby . My grandmother, however, had an adult only living room that was 'for best', complete with pristine sofa that had hardly ever been sat on and a carpet that she hoovered daily despite the fact that nobody really used it. My sister and I used to laugh about it. We thought it was so silly and completely naff.

However, I am a hypocrite , as my DH and I now have a house with two reception rooms and the first thing I said when we moved in was 'please, please can we have a one room with no kids crap in it?'. We now have a family room/play room with battered furniture and a lot of kids shite all over the place and we have a front room which the kids generally don't use, which has nice sofas and ornaments and our piano and my books and things that aren't covered in chocolate/broken/lost beneath a four feet high pile of lego...

I love it

Dawnybabe · 27/07/2011 22:41

Our two spend as much time as they can watching the big tele in our living room, with the favourite toys of the day spread around to their satisfaction. When they get bored they do wander off to the playroom to do something else. (When we're not doing stuff together, obviously.) When they've gone to bed I have a tidy up, chuck all their crap back in the other room and have a nice civilised evening in a nice tidy room!

YellowDinosaur · 27/07/2011 22:52

We have a 3 story town house. Downstairs is the kitchen, family room and playroom. This is where we spend all our time during the day. On the middle floor we have an adult only lounge that doubles up as my study.

The boys know not to go in there when we are not (if we went in during the day they could but this never happens).

Personally I don't see the big deal with having parts of the house that are for dh and I. We spend planty of time all together as a family - in fact all the time the boys are up. It isn't that the boys are left to riot their own devices while we sip tea and play bridge . We are very lucky to be able to live in a house with all this space (bargain new build in the recession) and not entirely sure what we would do with the lounge if not this.

Not entirely sure why you need to be judgy about this?

Mousesmummy · 27/07/2011 22:56

If you have space why would you not want one room that was free of toys/kids junk etc? We have an open plan family area/kitchen/dining room where we all tend to hang out but we have a sitting room at the front of the house that the kids are allowed in BUT they are absolutely not allowed to mess it up! No pets either! There is no tv in there, just music and books and PEACE - I love it! I love to go in there when they are all in bed and listen to the radio with a cuppa and just RELAX! And if anyone calls around I can always go in there without worrying about the usual mess 4 young dc plus pets create in the back of the house!
I think it is teaching them to have respect for our home and it is nice if one child wants to read or play some music they can.
I went to a mums house not so long ago and her kids were running mad all over the furniture and house - it wouldn't suit me at all - each to their own though I say

messybessie · 27/07/2011 23:01

Ooh, we're just about to have one of these.

Why, if you have 2 reception rooms, would you not use them for 2 different purposes? Are you seriously saying that the only non-child orientated room should be our bedroom. In my day it was the other way round

We have a family room with big squashy sofa, big TV, IKEA storage and kids toys. Our other sitting room will have no TV, just all our books, slightly less squishy sofas and a decent stereo. There will also be soft furnishings that don't have to be toast/piss/play doh resistant.

YellowDinosaur · 27/07/2011 23:08

mousemummy see our houase is like that mums - the kids charge about ad have a ball. Just not in our lounge! Nice to have one room that doesn't get trashed and I don't think that makes me an uptight child hater!

Mousesmummy · 27/07/2011 23:16

Of course it doesn't! I totally agree - some folk can sit/relax and not be concerned about mess/toys etc - I know I am not one of them not a biggy is it? I was more concerned about having a pet free space to put the new baby down in - hence the pets are banned - don't hate them but dogs do smell - don't care what anyone says!

Doitnicelyplease · 27/07/2011 23:18

Our house is open plan on the main floor, divided into Kitchen, DDs playarea, dining table, living area. DD has all her toys in the play area (which is a decent size) and they often get scattered about during the day, but come evening the living area and dining area are blissfully toy free. She rarely plays in her room yet as only 2.10 and it is also a bit small.

We decided she could have a dedicated play area downstairs until she is about 5 and in school everyday (at home with me right now), then we might reclaim it as part of the kitchen/diner and give her a bigger bedroom upstairs.

We are lucky to also have a downstairs TV/Den/office room which is not particularly smart or grown-up, but it is a mostly adult only space, but maybe when DD is a teenager that can be more for her and her friends.

I have friends with much bigger houses and one child and they have toys piled up in every room which I personally don't like.

Each to their own I guess. But YABU.

NoWayNoHow · 27/07/2011 23:19

YABU. If you have the ability to have a grown up room and a kids room, why wouldn't you have both?

We've turned our study into a crash pad for DS - this way he has a room filled with all the joys of childhood and which he feels is his won, and DH and I have a lovely, tidy, toy-free space where we can watch tv in the evening. It's a win win!

MoreBeta · 27/07/2011 23:23

We used to live in a very small house and DS1 could go in any room. Now we have a bigger house and the DSs have a work room and a play room we do not allow them on the drawing room unless we are there. They are not alllowed to play in bedroom either.

It just stops the house getting into a disorderly mess and furniture getting trashed.

Kladdkaka · 27/07/2011 23:23

My husband is not allowed in my living room unsupervised :o but he has his hobbit hole in the cellar. My daughter isn't allowed in their unsupervised either :o but she gets to live in the attic anyway. My dogs aren't allowed in there because one pees on the rug and the other chews the cushions. It's mine, all mine and I ain't sharing.

usualsuspect · 27/07/2011 23:30

We only have one living room

anyones allowed in

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/07/2011 23:39

If I had the space, I'd love a room for the cats myself. It would have a stereo/radio, lots of bookshelves and a squishy chair. It would be soundproofed and be for myself only. As a single parent with mental health problems, the thought of a sanctuary that doesn't involve having to go to bed like a naughty child appeals very much to me. Mind you, if I had the space, the children would have a proper playroom too. So it would be quite fair, as I would consider that 'their' space, and try not to hyperventilate at the state of the floor:)

As it is, I have a tiny house, so small smelly offspring are banned from my bedroom. They think it's unreasonable, but have cottoned onto the fact that keeping out of my space means they get to live a little longer.

mathanxiety · 27/07/2011 23:44

So you buy all the plastic tat for them and then you make them choose between it or you?

And what is wrong with teaching them to pick up after themselves or if they are very young, doing it with them at a given time every evening?

I am about to pack DC2 off to university this autumn. You miss them and all their mess when they're gone. They are with you as children who play, with toys as opposed to computers and music and xbox etc., for such a short time. My only rule about the living room and dining room (open plan house) was no ball playing and no lego on the floor.

piprabbit · 27/07/2011 23:51

I knew a family who had a white living room (white carpets, walls and furniture).
The DCs weren't allowed in until they were over 18.
There may have been some form of ceremony involved - handing over the ancient and inalienable rights of adulthood.

MorelliOrRanger · 27/07/2011 23:59

I agree with lowlevel

Before children your whole house is tidyish after children you are unindated with toys, it would be bliss to have just one room that hasn't got children stuff in. I wouldn't ban DD completely though - she just wouldn't be allowed her things in there.

She has a playroom, her bedroom and the lounge to have her stuff in and all her art stuff is in the kitchen.

marriedinwhite · 28/07/2011 00:01

Depends on the available space. I have a formal living room at the front of the house which has no TV and which is immaculate and has doors to an old fasioned formal dining room which we only use for entertaining and at Christmas - now that is a waste of space. I will go in the sitting room to listen to music with a glass of wine at the end of the day. It is a sanctuary. The children were allowed when they were smaller but only to read - no pens, paints, glitter or hoover food. We have a huge kitchen/dining/family area at the back of the house and that's where we spent our time when they were little. Still do really - it's just always cluttered.

Indaba · 28/07/2011 00:04

Made me smile...thought of my very judgy pants neighbour.*...I was admiring her pristine pale cream carpets and admiring how she kept then clean and she pointedly told me she had hers cleaned often (we don't and they are rank).....I was feeling very humble and very told off and then her 7 year old came in, as if on cue, to say "mummy, mummy please can we play indoors, I promise we are clean and we'll take our shoes off"

*we live in J'burg and I can promise you no one is as judgy pants as a middle class white south african!

pictish · 28/07/2011 00:06

I sit in the greenhouse. The kids aren't allowed in there.

BrandyAlexander · 28/07/2011 00:10

We had a reception room that we weren't allowed into in our family home when I was growing up. As a result, the kids are allowed everywhere but tend to encourage dd more towards the playroom (all the toys are here) and family room and away from the other reception rooms. Everything gets tidied up at the end of the day but there is evidence of dc in every room. I like it that way!

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