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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP is upset that I won't go to cinema with him

23 replies

StrangeTides · 27/07/2011 15:38

The thing is DP is a massive Harry Potter geek fan and he's religiously watched each movie at the cinema since they came out. Upto now he's always taken his daughter to see them but now she's at the age were she just wants to go with her mates. So he asked me to go with him. I'm not that into it but I'm taking my kids to see it anyway, therefore I don't wanna see it twice and the kids have to take priority. We can't all go together and he hasn't even met my kids yet and I'm not ready to take that step.

He's gone in a bit of a sulk saying he has nobody to go to the cinema with but I've had to miss out of loads of movies I wanted to see because nobody would come with me, it's no big deal, you just get them when they come on DVD. Another reason it annoys me a bit is that upto now he's always kind of pushed me aside when it comes to his DD which I know is understandable (I don't expect to take priority) but when movies have come on that I wanted to see he's always been quite smug in telling me "no, DD will want to see that, I'm going with her" and now she's stretching her wings a bit he's cross at me for not being instantly available?!

OP posts:

Poweredbypepsi · 27/07/2011 15:43

yanbu in those circumstances. I go and see films i dont want to see with my dh but he also comes to see ones he doesnt want to see so it goes both ways.

AMumInScotland · 27/07/2011 15:43

Why can't he go on his own? Why can't you go on your own (babysitters permitting of course)?

I agree if he has always made his daughter the top priority then it's fair that you should do the same for your own children, but it does all sound a bit childish tbh.

BertyBurlington · 27/07/2011 15:45

a) yes you are being silly and unreasonable, why would it hurt you to sit through the crap the film twice

b) is he so pathetic he cant attend the cinema without a chaperone

c) you sound like you dont like him that much tbh

ThePopsicleKat · 27/07/2011 15:46

YANBU. He's a big boy, he can go by himself. I would rather go and see a film alone than with someone who I knew wouldn't enjoy it anyway

Original poster

StrangeTides · 27/07/2011 15:48

Well I'm not too fussed on cinema anyway, by the time the movie is half over my back is killing me and I'm usually bored to death. So I usually only go for the sake of other people so certainly wouldn't bother going on my own.

Its not just this though to be honest, in the past he's always said stuff like "oh I won't be able to see you much in the summer holidays as I'll be spending all my time with DD". Now DD doesn't want to know him he's texting me saying he's bored and fed-up/lonely etc.

I never expected or wanted to be a priority in his life and of course she'd always come first but it was the extent of the exclusion that has always stuck in my head and now she's off with her mates all the time he's crawling back to wanting to spend time with me.

OP posts:

WyrdMother · 27/07/2011 15:57

You're not being unreasonable. Can't see why he can't go on his own myself.

I like going on my own, no one pigs all the popcorn and as long as you pick your times you can avoid elbow wars.

minipie · 27/07/2011 15:58

Best solution would be if he can get his DD to go twice. Once with her mates and once with him.

I agree that if he has refused to go with you in the past then you're perfectly entitled to refuse in return. But you never know you might actually enjoy it.

minipie · 27/07/2011 15:59

Ah sorry just seen your second post.

Clearly this isn't really about you not wanting to see the film.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/07/2011 16:02

He's not a 'DP' if he's not met your children yet. He's just some needy bloke you're seeing.... Wouldn't worry too much about accompanying him

WyrdMother · 27/07/2011 16:03

Just read your second post and woke up to the fact that the cinema isn't really the issue here, sorry, being dozy.

Seems he may be taking you a little for granted, got too used to calling the shots (or at least believed he was) time wise? I think you need to keep some clear time to do stuff apart from him, in a "it's lovely that you have more time so lets see how we can work round my schedule" kind of way.

NoTeaForMe · 27/07/2011 16:03

I think you should go to the cinema with him if you like him, if you don't like him enough to see a film for him then to be honest I think it's time to end it!!

You say you understand that his daughter should take priority but now she's a bit older and he's more available you don't want to see him....I don't understand this at all!

How long have you been together? If it is serious maybe you all going to the cinema together is a good way for him to meet your children? They'll have something in common and something to talk about!

dontquotem3 · 27/07/2011 16:06

Big baby that he is! Nowt wrong with going to see a film on your own. Some actually prefer it that way. IMO the last HP is rubbish. Hope he stops sulking OP

NurseSunshine · 27/07/2011 16:10

"he's come crawling back"??

2blessed2bstressed · 27/07/2011 16:13

Sounds like you've been seeing him for a fair while, so don't you want him to meet your dcs at some point? You could all go to the cinema together! Am in agreement with others in that you don't seem that fond of him at all.

Original poster

StrangeTides · 27/07/2011 16:14

A few nights ago he asked me what I was doing next saturday as he'd like to see me. I said "don't you usually take DD horse-riding and to the market on a saturday?" and he said "yeah but she doesn't want to do that anymore, she's going shopping with her mates so I'll have nothing better to do".

OP posts:

notquitenormal · 27/07/2011 16:17

I'd worry about a bloke who couldn't rustle up a mate to go to the pictures with to be honest.

LineRunner · 27/07/2011 16:21

Leave him.

moominliz · 27/07/2011 16:22

As other have said, I think there are deeper issues here.
If said that to me I don't think I'd want to see them at all let alone going to the cinema with them.
I understand his dd takes priority, which is fair enough, but thats no reason to use you as a back-up plan and be quite rude in the process.
Sorry to sound harsh there!

cestlavielife · 27/07/2011 16:25

you are both being U for being apparently unable to go to the cinema on your own to see the movie you want to see.

if he wants tosee it and you dont then either you go with him anyway for company or you dont - simple - and he goes on his own.

AMumInScotland · 27/07/2011 16:25

Well, with a partner who has children you have to accept not being top priority to some extent, but it sounds like he's taking that further than I'd be comfortable with. It ought to be more "I wish I could spend more time with you but I have to prioritise DD" rather than "You'll do when I'm bored".

Is he fun when you're bored, or is this relationship more for his benefit than yours?

HellonHeels · 27/07/2011 16:41

"She's going shopping with her mates so I'll have nothing better to do"

Wow that's incredibly rude! Is that exactly what he said? I'd have pulled him up on it straight away and possibly be rethinking the relationship. Why would anyone want to be so rude to their partner?

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2011 17:19

Why would you stay in a 'relationship' with someone who only wants to spend time with you when he hasn't got anything better to do?

kaid100 · 27/07/2011 18:32

This reminds be of the trouble DW and I had with films. When we started going out, we would each go to see films the other wanted to see and it didn't bother us. After a few years, DW started refusing to see James Bond-style films or political films because "she wasn't really interested". After about a year of this, I put my foot down and refused to see her chick flicks until she made a bit more of an effort to see "my" films. She couldn't see the comparison.

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