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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would most like your childminder to do/ not do??

26 replies

whatsallthehullaballoo · 27/07/2011 14:15

I am a cm. I feel there is a quite a 'marmite' type of opinion on here about cild minders. I try my best to run a business and work with parents but sometimes whatever I do, I can do no right!

What are your opinions of cm's if you have used them and if not, why not?

OP posts:
Filibear · 27/07/2011 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

omletta · 27/07/2011 14:47

I love my CM too, and have loved every other person (CM / Nanny / Nursery / Kindergarten) who has looked after DS for the last 9 years. Being kind, thoughtful, firm and fair are the attributes of a great CM IMO.

LineRunner · 27/07/2011 14:51

I loved my CM but her husband would have the TV on SO FECKING LOUD it wasn't funny.

GeneralDreedlesNurse · 27/07/2011 14:54

My DD's CM is great - just wish DDwasn't the olderst child there (she is 8 almost 9) - but DD loves it and `helps' look after the younger ones (if they'll let her Smile)

MovingAndScared · 27/07/2011 14:56

love CMs - I like someone I can have dicussion with but I wouldn't choose someone I didn't think I would get on with and/or would have similar views on caring for children

VeronicaCake · 27/07/2011 15:11

I love our CM. But it isn't like there is a fixed list of things that would make it or break it to me. What matters is DD seems happy when we head out in the morning, cheerful if tired when we pick her up, and calms down quickly if the CM picks her up when she is grizzly. I don't think she would do any of these things if she didn't feel secure and cared for.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 27/07/2011 15:15

I used to be a childminder so will find this thread very interesting. Smile

If I were using a cm the things I would most like would be for her to treat my ds with sensitivity and kindness (he has autism).

Insomnia11 · 27/07/2011 15:51

Whether the kids are happy there is the bottom line. Our CM almost feels like an aunty to them.

She doesn't take a child on if she thinks the parents are going to be awkward.

MrsKravitz · 27/07/2011 15:54

No I wont use them. I have used one and didnt feel happy.

BsshBossh · 27/07/2011 16:00

All CMs are different and we interviewed a number before we found one who suits our own parenting style. We chose a mother and daughter CM team and we love them. They structure the children's day to cover the early years foundation goals. They've taught DD(3) her letters and numbers and shapes; turn taking and sharing; cooking etc. But they also give ample time for free play and the park. Just as I would parent DD if I was a SAHM. They are also very business like with the parents which I like as I then know what's what. Example, we are charged for picking up late (unless emergency or Tube delays) and we always get a report of DD's progress at the end of each month including photos.

bumpsoon · 27/07/2011 16:04

I have never understood the anti childminder thing on MN , childminders are like any type of childcare , there are excellent ,good ,bad and indifferent ,its up to the parent to find one that suits them and thier child best.
I have always used childminders and have to say that i have been lucky or chosen wisely and they have all been excellent . However i am i hope a very laid back parent , one who recognises that as a parent im not perfect ,so i dont expect childminders to be either .

SnapesPlaything · 27/07/2011 18:15

I had a childminder as a child and was very unhappy there, my parents loved her though. I went on to get to know her a bit as an adult which confirmed that she was mental and it wasn't just me as a child thinking she was iyswim?

For this reason I would never use a childminder because you can see one thing as a parent and for your child it can be very different.

On the other hand my parents knew I hated it there and did nothing as far as I am aware. I also had a terrible time at primary school (bullies) and they didn't move me despite me begging them. So maybe it would be ok if you just listen to your children properly.

Firestone · 27/07/2011 19:20

Sorry Snapes Sad but that definitely says more about your parents than CMs.

I love my DS' CM, so much so that she'll soon be my DD's CM too. She provides a safe, nurturing space for them, cares about all the children greatly and my DS loves her.

LillyTheMinx · 27/07/2011 19:29

I love my CM and DD loves her too. CM is so warm and loving. DD was relaxed with her as soon as we met, but when we visited other CMs she was very clingy.

LillyTheMinx · 27/07/2011 19:32

Just realised I haven't actually answered your question. I don't have many demands really from my CM. Just no sleeping for DD after 4, no added sugar/salt in diet. She always takes her out during the day and DD is always in a great mood when she gets home so she's obv doing a great job. She takes photos so I can see what DD had been up to.

sheeplikessleep · 27/07/2011 19:35

Love DS2 current CM, she's loving, energetic with him, fun, fair and he adores her. He is learning loads there and gets on so well with her own kids, that it almost feels like he has a second family.

His old CM was very good, but I took him out of her care when I discovered her DH smoked in their home (not when she was minding children, but it still bothered me). That was a dealbreaker for me.

VeronicaCake · 27/07/2011 19:46

I think personal experiences heavily influence our views on this. The CM who looked after me as a little girl is the loveliest person I know and has been so special to me that DH and I asked her to witness our marriage. I don't expect DD's relationship with her CM to be quite so special (though it would be wonderful if it was) but I felt so much more confident with a middle-aged woman with grown-up children who corresponded to my idea of what a CM should be like than I did with the very efficient and no doubt entirely competent 20something manager of our local nursery.

YouDoTheMath · 27/07/2011 19:54

OP, what are your experiences? Why do you feel you can do no right?

I love our cm, and as long as she keeps my daughter safe, looked after and reasonably entertained, I'm happy.

prettyfly1 · 27/07/2011 20:04

LOVE my current CM - she is a star and I couldnt do without her but I have had a few very bad ones when I was much younger.

Lists of donts:

  1. Do not grab the child and stop the mother saying good bye so you can kiss and cuddle him.
  2. Do not inform the mother of what she needs to be doing with him i.e. that dummy is not appropriate for your ten month old, I am getting rid of it.
  3. Do not scare the shite out of your mindees parents by asking them to fill in lengthy report forms when they turn up after bumping their heads. Once. In two years.
  4. Do not write how awful the child is in their diary or refuse to keep a diary on the grounds you dont need to "justify" yourself.
  5. Do not change your contract 6 times in a year.

Get the feeling I have dealt with some rubbish and that list isnt even half of it. Seriously you sound like you care and want to do a good job and in the same way that you get good and bad childminders you also get good and bad parents. My amazing cm has had some awful experiences with parents showing up hours late, picking at every little thing and just generally being arsey. Its a tough job and if it isnt working for both of you try and find someone else.

scoobydont · 27/07/2011 20:16

I love the fact that my dd (9) loves her childminder and looks forward to going there. We are off for 6 weeks and my dd is begging to go there!

she likes the paddling pool, the fact that her child minder plays board games with her and lets her take her stuff in now and again as long as she shares it. She likes playing with her friends. She likes the dressing up trunk. she likes her childminder's animals. She likes making stuff/beads/colouring.

I like the fact that my childminder helps me out. She has an asprin if i have a headache when i arrive there. a carrier bag if dd needs one for school, a bit of ribbon for her dressing up day. (I don't have any family of my own she is like my mum!
I like how she will have 5 minutes to listen to the teacher if dd has done something well just like a "mum" would.
I like how she keeps me in the loop with what is happening at school and gives me important reminders from the teachers.
I love how she goes in and watches dd sport day/assembly etc if i can not get time off.
I love how she take all her toys (slides/space hoppers etc to the grassy area next door to her house for the mindees to play with.
I love how she will heat up a dinner for dd if she is going to her dad's on a friday as she knows that it can be a 2 hour journey.
I love the way she includes my older son who is at another school and not one of her mindees at easter and christmas with an egg and some chocs the same as dd.
I like how she helps one of the mindees to do their homework because they have no parental support at home.
I like the way my childminder helps my dd make a card and present for my birthday as she knows they have no family to take them out to buy one and they like it to be a surprise for me.

I have had 3 childminders. 2 great ones and 1 awful one (she was only 2 weeks) Good childminders are worth their weight in gold and I make sure my one knows everyday how much I appreciate her.

prettyfly1 · 27/07/2011 21:10

I second scoobies list of do's - mine does a lot of that and even remembers to add my step sons names to the cards my son makes as part of the family, despite never having met him. Its the little, considerate things, like asking if I wanted her to pick up my other son when my baby was off sick so I didnt have to go out that make her worth her weight in gold.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 28/07/2011 07:26

Well I am very impressed that so many of you are happy with your cm's. It is more with the wider public around, if that makes sense.

I know the parents I have are very happy with me, I always have enquiries etc However, if I am at a non-childminder toddler group I have comments a long the lines of 'oh - nice to get paid and drink coffee' etc If I am seen in the park such as 'oh this makes for an easy afternoon for you' blah blah

I have parents that insist on no tv, parents that love the lo's to have some tv for the favourite programs and LOVE it if I have spent the day at groups and the park....Parents that like their child to wake after an hour and another that asks for their child to sleep late as possible....In fact if I get asked by anyone 'do the children sleep in the day?' they go on to comment how lucky I am to be paid while the kids are asleep...It is like people really begrudge me my earnings and I wondered why cm's don't deserve it?

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 28/07/2011 08:45

Because they don't understand whatsallthehullaballoo.
Maybe say:
Might be nice to be paid to drink coffee, wish I got the chance to drink it hot at least once!
Easy afternoon running around in the park keeping a tally on the different kids is harder than nailing jelly to the wall. Then I have to get back and sort out all the paperwork in the evening, after a 10 hour day.
I think crap childminders must have an easy life (ignore kids, put tv on all day, sit around chatting). However, I think decent childminders do an amazing job, that is demanding, gruelling, with long hours and constantly encouraging and caring for children in a responsive and proactive and loving way. I certainly couldn't do it. Don't let the minority put you down. Am sure others will suggest more witty retorts!

VeronicaCake · 28/07/2011 09:01

I realise that some of the people saying these stupid things to you whatsallthehullaballoo must be parents but I do find it breathtaking. I love spending time with DD but I find it knackering, even when she naps I hurry around tidying up ready for her to come downstairs and begin dismantling the furniture again. And I don't have another couple of preschoolers there and a ravening horde of schoolchildren pitching up at 3.

Honestly, people that ignorant can safely be ignored. They are not worth wasting brainpower on. They probably also whine about nurses in hospitals spending all their time drinking tea at the nurses station and the length of teacher's summer holidays. It has nothing to do with what you do and everything to do with the fact that our society doesn't value people who care for and nurture others. But at least the people on this thread value what you are doing.

porcamiseria · 28/07/2011 09:04

my ex CM was a fucking bitch! she was great with DS but horrible to me, even tho i paid her till 6pm she demanded pick up at 530 pm (partly my fuck up, should have made this clearer in the negotiations). anyway when i was even a nanosecond late she would just hurl DD into my arms at the doorway and once she shouted at me on her doorstep
she also had a HUGE TV on that I thought was too loud, but was too scared to tell her!

then I used a mate who was lovely, fab, perfect

my main advice would be to have a contract/list that covers every single scenario
food, lateness, bank holidays, sick pay, holiday pay, food, TV, activities, going out, more than 1 kid etc. then you are aligned on most scenarios