To think my Mother is RUDE and to be seriously angry?

[MumblingRagDoll]

Ok....oday s DDs 7th birthday. She had her party last week as of the 5 little best friends she was allowed to invte, 3 were going to be on holday this week and wouldn't make the party.

DD was fine with this & we decided that today would be quiet....invited my Mum and a friend for a birthday lunch though....which DD is excited about.

My Mum was told last week and reminded last night that the lunch was due to be served at 12.30....she rang me half an hour ago to tell me that my siser had called asking for her to collect my neice from the train station at 1.30 and Mum had agreed!

I was as lunch is being served at 12.30 and the stations half an hour away and my sistr lives another hlf an hour away so Mum would have half a fecking hour with us for DDs "Birthday lunch"

Is that shite? I told her it was and told her she should have told my sister about today....and I was basically upset at Mums lack of thought. Mum hung up, called my sister and then me...she told me tht "Sister is trying to get hold of BIL at work...." as though my neices lift home is MY concern!

Really pee'd off now I intimated that it didnt affect me or my DD as Mum as a prior arrangement with us.

Mum agreed she wouldbe here at 12.30 and said bye.

Then SHE RANG AGAIN a min ago trying to get me to make the lunch later so she can "please everyone"

I said no. I also got upset. AIBU?? Niece is 21 ffs and could get a train or bus or cab home!

YANBU to be upset. I was about to say perhaps you were being a bit harsh about her doing your sister a favour, until I read that your niece is 21. Could she not catch a bus or a cab?

I feel sorry for your mum trying to keep everyone happy :(

YANBU, if your niece had been younger then I could understand her concern, but 21 is old enough to make her own way, I used to make my own way to University and back at that age which meant either a train and then a bus or two buses. Your mum should have stuck to the plans that were agreed.

Well so do I squeaky! My sister takes the piss! Her kids are aduts and she's always roping my Mum in for lifts etc. Mum NEVER says no...we livein an area with excellent trains and buses.

yanbu but i agree with squeakytoy your mum cant win here really.

Also...my sister knows a week in advance when neice is due home but NEVER tells my mum so mum could fctor this in...it's up to Mum if she wants to collect niece but my sister is rude...never pre-plans.

Well she could powdered! I mean if I had dropped the lunch on her last night then fair enough! But I always let her know i advance. It's hardly a chore is it? Coming here for a nice lunch!

I also cant understand why a 21yr old is incapable of making her own way home.. your Mum really just should say no to your sister.

Dont let your anger spoil the day though.. I would just say to your Mum that she would be welcome to come once she has dropped your neice off, have the lunch without her, and save her some for when she gets there.

How is it NOT rude to agree to collect someone when it would mean that you cut your arranged lunch to half an hour?? Trying to please everyone is one thing but double booking is rude!

I don't think your mum is necessarily rude...just trying to please people.

can she come earlier?

for goodness sake make lunch later, don't let your mum or dd miss out. or have a birthday tea. and relax, you sound far too irate for such a small matter

squeaky but that would take DDs pleasure away...she loves her gran and rarely gets to have lunch with her.

YANBU
The OP's mum could've 'won' by being straight with DSis in the first place - "no really sorry but I can't pick granddaughter up, I have prior arrangement with my other daughter and granddaughter that is an immovable birthday feast"

An adult of 21 does not need a lift and should be capable of making her own arrangements (unless she's disabled of course which is a different story)

I have another friend coming a long way on public transport cjbartlett with 2 small kids! Why should I make lunch later when neice can get a bloody bus????

Thank you Hpon My thoughts exactly...in trying to please everyoe she has diminished my plans.

HAve to go an whip the cream or the cake now. It's shit imo. I go to a lot of effort to make things nice and this is rude.

well have a birthday tea with your mum and dd, slice of cake and a cuppa should do it

why let this ruin your lunch with your friend and 2 young dds?

my mum wouldn't want to have lunch with me and my friend, I keep my friends and family separate anyway, then you get to devote more time to people that way

TBH I'd definitely do as Squeaky suggests - have the lunch at the time you'd already stated, save some for your mum and tell her she's welcome to come round and see DD and enjoy the leftovers.

Try and rise above it even though she's annoyed you - you'll only spoil your DD's day if you're "off" with your mum over this.

What are you making for lunch? Can you make it later?

If I had nothing else on, I don't think I'd mind moving the time back.

if you have a prebooked arrangement, to ring and change unless in an emergency at late notice is rude in my opinion. neice is old enough to get a bus/taxi/arraange her own lift/wait at the station for gran if she has too much stuff.

Yes it is out of the question.....Gisabreak....my friend is arriving at 12.00 and will be hungry with her 2 DDs who will also be hungry. I wouldn't DREAM of postponing. DDs birthday is more important than a spoilt 21 year olds leisure.

cjbartlett this is a very old friend who is looking forward to seeing my Mum too! She practically lived with us as a child. It is meant to be a gathering,,,not some staggered excuse for a lunch.

That i what I think blackeyed susan.....family or not it is rude.