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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Terrible Parenting

98 replies

AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 13:38

I am a TERRIBLE parent because....

DS (almost 7 months) rolled off the futon. He can now, I assume, roll more than once in a row....he SCREAMED his head off for 5 minutes while I panicked and cried, but is absoltuely fine now. Still tempted to take him to A&E for a CT scan though...

I also feed DS mostly jars, because they're easy and he gets a MUCH greater range of tastes than I'd cook. Mostly Organix ones though...and occasional Ella's Kitchen ....

I use dummies (well, he does...obviously).

I HATED all the Mother and Baby massage / tea / signing group things so don't go anymore. He does see lots of other babies with friends though....

AIBU to ask what you do that makes you a 'terrible Mummy' to make me us all feel a bit better?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 26/07/2011 13:39

I doubt a and e would offer a ct scan to be honest!

Kladdkaka · 26/07/2011 13:42

I got so frustrated with my daughter once that I sat her on the doorstep and told her she had to wait for someone from the children's home to pick her up. She opened the letter box and asked if she could come home if she promised to be good. God I'm such a terrible mother. :(

Original poster
AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 13:42

Am still in the 'Oh my GOD oh my GOD what if he's got a BRAIN BLEED' phase of post-futon rolling off panic. Less so given that he's scoffed a big lunch (jar!) and is rolling around his baby gym giggling :-)

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 26/07/2011 13:42

LOL @ CT scan Grin

I think what you have described is completely normal and you should stop fretting.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 26/07/2011 13:46

You are NOT a terrible parent, your DC rolling off a sofa/futon/bed is almost like a rite of passage.

He will be fine, keep an eye on him, if he has had a bang to his head and he is sick 2 or more times take him to A&E for a check up.

So what if you feed him jars, if he is happy and healthy then I don't see what the problem is. If you wanted to you could always use jars while out and for a quick meal then feed him homecooked.

He is 7 mo a dummy isn't going to hurt him, seriously it is fine.

IMO there is nothing I personally hate more than baby groups, I find them boring, but I understand that not everyone feels that way. There is no rule that says you have to take your DS to them.

Lighten up on yourself and give yourself a break, you sound like you deserve a break. Go easy on yourself.

raffle · 26/07/2011 13:47

On Sunday I got DS to come down from the climbing frame in the pub garden by signing the word 'cake' at him. He came clambering off the equipment and was most disappointed to be presented with a ham salad sandwich :o

And I'll bet he will fall for the same trick next week...terrible Mummy.

ToothlesstheDragon · 26/07/2011 13:49

Ds is nearly 3 and only has two friends because i hated toddler groups so much

"sends self to bad mummy prison"

Original poster
AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 13:50

Have got my judgy knickers hoicked well over my own head, at myself :-)

Seriously why did no one warn me about the guilt part of motherhood? How naive!!!

I remember my mum kicking me out and telling me to wait for orphanage - don't worry I turned out ok! Sure i'll have days where I do the same...

OP posts:
2littlegreenmonkeys · 26/07/2011 13:50

So what if you feed him jars, if he is happy and healthy then I don't see what the problem is. If you wanted to you could always use jars while out and for a quick meal then feed him homecooked food at other times (sorry missed that bit out)

Plus if you want a show of bad parenting. When I was pg with DD2 and DD1 was approx 18mo she was rushed to A&E no less than 3 times in a 5 day period. On the third time the receptionist didn't even need to ask me for our details (same receptionist each time) I was seriously worried about getting a SS visit.

Kladdkaka my dad once said that to my brother and I Grin we were very well behaved after that.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 26/07/2011 13:51

raffle that made me laugh! Grin

All these things are not bad mummyisms, they are what happens when babies start moving.

I remember the bumped heads/skinned knees times well. Doubt anything beats the MW being on the phone while I was heavily pregnant with DS and screeching "OMG I have to go, my puppy is drowning in my pond!"

Now THAT was bad mummy alert and I hadnt even had the baby yet!

Original poster
AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 13:51

Lol at signing cake!!

And thank god I'm not alone in hating M&B stuff :-)

OP posts:
WobblyHalo · 26/07/2011 13:53

I dropped a full bottle of milk on my ds's head in the middle of the night.

A few weeks later I also dropped the base set of the baby monitor on his head. Again, in the middle of the night. (Honestly, there was no abuse here, I was just really really rubbish at night feeds!)

I bottle fed.

I also gave him jar food as I'm a terrible cook and argued that he gets a better range that way.

He is now a very healthy 5 year old. No lasting damage as far as I can tell and barely gets 1 cold a year. Yours will be fine.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 26/07/2011 13:54

AwfulDreadfulMummy I did the M&B things a couple of times with DD1 (never with DD2, might rope MIL into taking her Wink ) I just find them boring and DD's have made many more friends from DH/me taking then to the children's library/park/maccy d's Blush In fact still good friends with the lady and her daughter we met at Maccy's Grin

icooksocks · 26/07/2011 13:57

[laughs uncontrollably at WobblyHalo for 5 mins]

Redazzy · 26/07/2011 13:58

My Mother, the most loving and selfless of Mothers, stopped the car on a bridge in utter frustration at my little brother's demands (he was around 7 I think) and threatened to throw him over! She also chased me around the garden trying to smack me with a wooden spoon! These stories are now part of our family folklore and they give me comfort on days when I am being less than perfect. We are an incredibly close family who have all turned out relatively sane but my Mother still tortures herself with guilt about her 'mistakes' even 30 years on.

On a more serious note this makes me feel that if a child feels truly loved and secure with their parent then these incidents dont make any longterm negative impact. Discuss?

WobblyHalo · 26/07/2011 14:00

Thanks icooksocks (great name!) It wasn't so funny at the time but I don't recall loosing alot of sleep over it (possibly cause I was already so sleep deprived!).

Payne1234 · 26/07/2011 14:01

M&T groups are only bearable if you are allowed to ignore the children, stand around and chat about anything but children :)

But I guess there are too many "career mums" now for it to much fun

WobblyHalo · 26/07/2011 14:04

Oh, and my cooking clearly hasn't improved as my 5 yr old came down stairs the other night and enquired as to dinner. I mentioned that I'd made mince to which he wailed: "I don't like mince...!"

I asked him to be quiet for 5 mins while I finished the program I was watching (see great mum I am).

He was quiet, too quiet. When I went to the kitchen he had buttered 2 slices of bread, put marmite on and had the cheese out. He asked my dh to just cut the cheese for him please? He then very neatly put it together and cut the crusts off for himself while we watched. Shock.

Really, I didn't know whether I should be proud or insulted! Grin

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2011 14:08

My DS spent his the years after he could move looking like a traffic light. His head always had one red, one yellow and one green bruise on it :) He once fell onto a step when playing at a friend's stables and banged his head. We hadn't exactly dressed up for the occasion so there I was, sat in A&E, with this bruised child that looked for all the world like a minature scarecrow, covered in dirt and pieces of straw. How SS didn't whisk him away, I'll never know.

JanMorrow · 26/07/2011 14:09

I hate baby groups so stopped going after attending 3 of them and I'll be damned if I'm going to any toddler groups either, they can get their "socialisation" from friends' kids and nursery.

Also, I sometimes forget I've got her in the sling on my back and she's been squashed a couple of times..

2littlegreenmonkeys · 26/07/2011 14:11

Redazzy I agree, my MIL is the most, gentle, kind, laid back woman I know. She told me once that even though DH (only child) was a very easy child (her words) that there were a couple of times he frustrated her so much to the point of her smacking him (this after me having a bit of a wobble about tapping DD2's hand lightly for pulling clumps of hair out of her sisters head)

Mil says that to this day she still feels guilt over it, but DH knowing he was and is loved so much by her that he doesn't feel any negativity from it (he remembers both incidents)

I also think it stands to say that a normal parent will feel guilty whereas a parent who is 'abusive' will not necessarily feel that guilt or that degree of guilt. I think that guilt goes someway to show how much a child is loved.

or I may just be talking a lot of bollocks Grin

Original poster
AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 14:15

Oh my gosh thank you all so much for making me feel better :-) and chuckle.

I was being lovely mummy with DS in our bed a few weeks ago and was tickling him and swinging him - hilarious until I bumped his head on the headboard :-( Not as good as DH tho who managed to catch the end of the bedside table with DS's head the night before his 8 week jabs - I was convinced he'd have a massive lump or bruise and we'd be fast tracked to SS urgent referal box :-)

Am def usually good at thinking 'I am a GOOD ENOUGH mum 99% of the time' but DS rolling off and screaming was not in that same thinking realm... god I'm going to need to toughen up in time for him walking aren't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulDreadfulMummy · 26/07/2011 14:17

redazzy and 2littlegreenmonkeys - I think you're both absolutely right - guilt is the (horrible) bit that demonstrates caring and compassion, and yes if a child is well loved and cared for 99% of the time, the other 1% (provided child is not in mortal danger or left on futon doesn't matter too much.

OP posts:
Olivetti · 26/07/2011 14:17

I feed my DD Weetabix and Ella's Kitchen (not at the same time).I know I should batch cook all the little meals, but I can't be arsed. There, I said it!!

yoshiLunk · 26/07/2011 14:19

DS burnt his little fingers on a gas camping lamp at about 10 months. I couldn't see how bad it was until the morning when I saw bulging great blisters on all his tiny finger tips.

I have put myself on the naughty step and I've been there for six years now.

'guilty' just doesn't cover it..