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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that having an overseas wedding at a hotel which doesn't allow children is ridiculous?

66 replies

emmyloo2 · 26/07/2011 04:05

My BIL is having a wedding in South Africa (it's at least a 12 hour flight from where we live) and in their wisdom they have chosen a hotel which doesn't allow children. So basically everyone without kids is going to have to stay in a different hotel which in certain not-so-dangerous places, would be ok, but it means basically that I will now have to miss out on the reception because I will have to stay in the other hotel with our 12 month old DS. And no, I would not feel comfortable using a hotel babysitter in that part of the world, particularly when we will be away from the hotel attending the reception. I am really pissed off. I don't want to go as it is because it is an inconvienent time just after Christmas and travelling all that way with a 12 mth old is going to be difficult as it is.

My DH is pretty insistent that I go with DS but I am pushing to stay home with DS and he go by himself.

Am I being unreasonable? I know it's their wedding etc etc but his own sister isn't going because she doesn't think it is practical with kids.

I don't particularly like my BIL's fiance so I guess that doesn't help.

Gahhh! Maybe I am just in a crappy mood but it's really annoying me. More so given I just went onto their wedding website (yes, there is a whole website dedicated to the wedding) and it made me won't to punch myself in the face it is so naff!

OP posts:

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 04:11

Don't go. YANBU. There is next to no point in you going all that way just to see the wedding and miss out on everything else.

They have been incredibly thoughtless about their family and guests - so stuff them.

Your DH can go by himself if he's that bothered but there is no reason for you to do it too. TBH, at that age, children go down with all sorts at the drop of a hat so your DS might be too ill to travel anyway and then you'll have lost the money on the tickets - I wouldn't take the chance, myself.

picturelibrary · 26/07/2011 04:17

The whole thing sounds pretty ghastly - I don't blame you for not wanting to go! It is a very long, expensive way to go to miss out on the reception and I wouldn't want to leave my one year old with anyone I didn't know well - whatever country I was in.

I want to see the naff website though!

PuppyMonkey · 26/07/2011 04:19

All that just for your BIL? I wouldn't bother. If it was your brother maybe...

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 04:20

ah yes, I was just thinking it would be fun to see the naffola website too...

clappyhands · 26/07/2011 04:28

emmyloo, did the choose this hotel specifically because children aren't allowed?

i would think that they don't want children to go

i know their wedding, their call, but you don't have to put yourself to that expense and inconvenience.

hotels and young children are not a good mix. what will you do when baby is napping (there is no other room to put them in unless you book a suite)

YANBU - i would give it a miss

how much of a good time will you DH have if he is wondering how you are coping back at the hotel (not sure if you have other DC)

snippywoo2 · 26/07/2011 04:29

BIL couldn't make it more obvious if he tried that he's not interested in having anyone with kids there, hence the booking a hotel which doesn't allow kids. If O/H insists you go tell him he will be the one staying in the hotel looking after your Ds, see what he thinks of that suggestion.

Original poster

emmyloo2 · 26/07/2011 04:35

Thanks everyone! I really don't think I am being unreasonable. It is just so selfish of them. Most of my BIL's friends (who are also my DH's friends) are going solo and their wives are staying behind because they all have 2 or 3 children. They also conveniently made the wedding the first week back for the new school year (I am in Australia so the school year starts in February) so of course people don't want their kids to miss the first week of school. His sister, my SIL, who I get along very well with, has 5 kids, 4 of which are in school. So they didn't even contemplate going.

I am pretty relaxed about most things but there is no way I would leave my little 12 month old son with a hotel babysitter in South Africa while we disappear to another hotel to a wedding. I just would not feel comfortable.

I am more than happy for my DH to go alone and enjoy himself with his friends and his brother without the hassle of worrying about DS. I can then stay home with DS. We also both work full-time so there is the hassle of using annual leave etc.

I am trying to be understanding because I do love my BIL and I know it is important to my DH but I just think this wedding has not been thought out. I also know my BIL is going to miss out on having most of his friends and family there because no one will want to travel all that way. God knows why there are having it in SAfrica in the first place.

OP posts:

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 04:37

emmyloo, I know you probably don't want to put the website link publicly on this thread but purleeezze could you PM it to me?

Original poster

emmyloo2 · 26/07/2011 04:40

Snippywoo2 - yes I said that to my DH! He does understand my concerns and agrees it is incredibly stupid of them to have an overseas wedding at a hotel with no children. My husband even emailed the hotel and said we would be coming for the wedding and would we be allowed to bring our 12 month old to the hotel. Answer was no, no children. Christ.

I don't have any other children, so it would be me and DS sitting in a bloody hotel room while everyone else would be at the reception. Hence the reason why his friends are leaving their wives and children home in Oz.

(The fiance also emailed my BIL's friends and gave them a hard time when some of them said they may not be able to attend the wedding. My BIL also got annoyed with his best man when he said he wasn't sure if he would be able to go because he and his wife were trying to have another baby and if all went well, she would be due around the time of the wedding. My BIL wondered why they just couldn't put off trying to have a baby until after the wedding.... )

OP posts:

Original poster

emmyloo2 · 26/07/2011 04:43

Thumbs - I would love to but I can't. My DH would KILL ME.

Let's just say there are LOTS photos (including one of the engagement ring) and then the normal bullshit about where to stay, how to get there (in case you can't figure out international travel for yourself) against the backdrop of some lame "motto". Think "live for today" type rubbish.

OP posts:

Gonzo33 · 26/07/2011 05:02

YANBU. It would be a firm no from me.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 05:05

yes, I expect he would - but how would he know??

Sounds like they are utterly self-absorbed and selfish - total bride-and-groomzilla! I'd seriously refuse to go. Apart from anything else, the hassle of getting a 12mo a passport! Forget it, your DH has to just suck it up and go by himself. Tell him to buy a Kindle so he doesn't get bored on the plane.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 05:06

When I say hassle to get him a passport, I know it's not that hard (we got DS one when he was about 9mo to take him to Australia to see MIL) but getting the photo done is um, interesting to say the least - and the cost of it! Just really really not worth it for this farce.

iscream · 26/07/2011 05:10

Yanbu. I wouldn't go. Maybe if enough people decline, they will shift to a different hotel that allows children?

Original poster

emmyloo2 · 26/07/2011 05:11

Thumbs - we already have DS a passport because we had to move from the UK back to Australia when he was 3.5 weeks old. Trying to get a photo from a 3 day old baby was very interesting!

and ok, will PM you the website. I really hope you don't know them!!!

OP posts:

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 05:12

Good grief - you had to do it when he was that little?? That's amazing!

OK, so you can't use that as an excuse.

I'm sure I won't know them! I don't know hardly any Australians, promise!

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 05:25

!
!

Apologies for my bad grammar in the last post - Australianisms creeping in (double negatives abound)

TheRealMBJ · 26/07/2011 05:44

I wouldn't go. The it sounds as if they don't actually want any children there anyway.

I am South African and got married in South Africa my self (DH is a Yorkshireman) and we chose a hotel that although usually don't take children, was happy for us to have children but as it turned out, most of DH's and my friend's from the UK came without their partners. Those in SA are more robust and didn't mind travelling to and from the hotel if they weren't staying there themselves.

I wouldn't leave my kids in a different hotel with a babysitter than the one I am at in the UK never mind in a foreign country, anyway.

The trip from Australia to SA is very long and unless you are going to make a family holiday out of it it isn't really worth the trip just for a wedding, IMO.

So, in summary. YANBU.

UntitledNo2 · 26/07/2011 05:53

Oh, no, yanbu. I have no problem with overseas weddings (so long as no pressure is put onto those who can't afford to travel). I have no problem with childfree weddings (once they are close to home, so those with children can get a babysitter). But erm, halfway around the world, no children? So what exactly are you supposed to do with your wee ones? Stick them in a kennel? Hire a babysitter for two+ weeks? Leave them in some random hotel, whilst ye bugger off to a wedding party at another hotel? Leaving them in an hotel in SA wouldn't bother me too much, SA isn't as scary as some seem to think, however, leaving the littlies in an hotel in any country, when ye will be in another hotel, would bother me.

Is it crazy wedding season? Seriously! There is lots of wedding madness going on here too .

Moobee · 26/07/2011 06:19

Definitely YANBU. It seems a crazy idea to hold it so far away when if you go all the way to south Africa, you won't be able to attend part of the wedding. Is it BIL's sister that's not going? I was wondering if anyone has spoken to him about the painful logistics. Just wondering, if they don't have kids, do they know how awkward this will be for their guests. He's your BIL and you're considering not going. I can't imagine more casual guests will go either.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 06:35

God no. You'd be insane to even consider going. Your BIL is going to have a fab wedding. All the disgruntled blokes and no women. Lovely

Wormshuffler · 26/07/2011 06:46

Definately NBU, with so many other declining they will realise this too.

exoticfruits · 26/07/2011 06:51

YANBU-stay at home.

DialMforMummy · 26/07/2011 06:52

YANBU. BIL is BU.
No kids, miles away. Well at least now you know how important having his family around him on his big day is for him.
Can a hotel not accept children? Madness.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2011 07:10

YANBU... don't go. My own DB a few years ago opted to get married in Vegas. Our parents are elderly and our Dad has Parkinsons, so they couldn't be there. My DS was quite small at the time & I'm a single parent and I didn't think Vegas was a great place to go with little children, so I declined. That was his whole family excluded at a stroke. Some people just don't think it through.

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