To think that having an overseas wedding at a hotel which doesn't allow children is ridiculous?

[emmyloo2]

My BIL is having a wedding in South Africa (it's at least a 12 hour flight from where we live) and in their wisdom they have chosen a hotel which doesn't allow children. So basically everyone without kids is going to have to stay in a different hotel which in certain not-so-dangerous places, would be ok, but it means basically that I will now have to miss out on the reception because I will have to stay in the other hotel with our 12 month old DS. And no, I would not feel comfortable using a hotel babysitter in that part of the world, particularly when we will be away from the hotel attending the reception. I am really pissed off. I don't want to go as it is because it is an inconvienent time just after Christmas and travelling all that way with a 12 mth old is going to be difficult as it is.

My DH is pretty insistent that I go with DS but I am pushing to stay home with DS and he go by himself.

Am I being unreasonable? I know it's their wedding etc etc but his own sister isn't going because she doesn't think it is practical with kids.

I don't particularly like my BIL's fiance so I guess that doesn't help.

Gahhh! Maybe I am just in a crappy mood but it's really annoying me. More so given I just went onto their wedding website (yes, there is a whole website dedicated to the wedding) and it made me won't to punch myself in the face it is so naff!

Pah - I wouldn't go even if I was single and childless probably - so much money to spend! My read of OP's post is that neither are from SA they are just being indulgent. YANBU your BIL is being very selfish.

Is your DH planning on making it into a family holiday for the 3 of you? That is the only reason I can imagine for him to be so keen for you and DS to come with him when you won't be able to go to the wedding. If only going for wedding he should definitely go alone.

"My read of OP's post is that neither are from SA they are just being indulgent. YANBU your BIL is being very selfish"

Oh- that's just annoying then

I wouldn't go either, I would suggest DH goes on his own. I wouldn't for one moment want him to miss his brothers wedding but it doesn't look like you are going to be able make it work. As others have said I wouldn't want to travel all that way to be sat in a hotel room while the rest of the family are at the wedding.

Your DH has to make a sane choice here. It is impractical and stupid for you and your DS to go - so either he sucks it up and goes alone or doesn't go at all. If other family members are going (like his mother) why doesn't he fly with them? Yes I can see his point - of course it's always nicer to have your famly with you too but NOT in this case! he might appreciate your company on a 12h flight each way but that's why I suggested the Kindle.

Frankly he needs to grow up a bit, I think, sorry.

i can´t believe that you are even considering it tbh.

I just wouldn't go.

They are of course entitled to get married wherever and however they like, but a consequence of this sort of choice is that not everyone will be able to make it.

Just don't go. Tell DH he should go and have a great time, but it is just too much hassle for you with DS.

YANBU.
Don't go. What a huge expense you'd be paying for a wedding you can't actually attend when you're there.

Why wont dp go solo?

Bride and groom are not BU to want a wedding abroad or a child free wedding. Their day, their call.

HOWEVER, they then have to realise that a lot of people won't afford it, have small children, or don't want to spend a total of 24 hours on a plane to indulge a couple that thinks getting married makes them King and Queen of the World for a day.

People can have whatever wedding they like, but getting narky when people can't come is completely unfair and rude.

OP your DH can't have it both ways. If he wants to go,fine , but it is selfish to expect you to come along, long haul, with a baby, as some sort of Mary Poppins who misses most of it.

Can't they see that if they want their whole family to attend, then holding the wedding a long haul flight away and banning kids isn't going to make that happen? They can't have it both ways.

You don't like the fiancee - are you sure this isn't mutual and a spot of manouvering to get you NOT to go but avoiding the shitstorm of not inviting you?

emptyshell- Surely holding your wedding in S Africa and banning kids is a bit extreme in order to avoid OP going? But then again, you never know.

My mother eloped and sent us a cryptic invite which reached me three days after the wedding.

YANBU. If they choose to have a weddding far away in difficult circumstances they can't get annoyed that their friends and family can't attend.

YANBU Your DH is BVU if he expects you to fly all that way just to sit in an hotel room. You said his DSIS isn't going so is it possible she can point out to him exactly how U he's being.

The only way I'd agree to go is if I could sit in first class (both ways) while he sat in economy with the baby

As for your BIL expecting his best man to stop TTCing so it won't clash with the wedding....words fail me

I had my wedding abroad in a child free resort but it was only for me and dh (we had a massive wedding party for everyone when we returned) - they are entitled to do that but should not expect anyone else to fall over backwards to attend!