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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should open the gift in front of the giver

93 replies

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 11:09

Wont see the birthday boy (dss17) until sunday and his birthday is tomorrow (going to his mother's tonight until sunday when he comes back to us). We have given him his gifts. He isnt going to open them until tomorrow.
AIBU in thinking he should open them now, with us?

OP posts:
Wormshuffler · 25/07/2011 18:14

YANBU, when we are talking about your DH seeing his DS open his presents, I can't ever imagine not being there when my DC's opened something from us. If it was a nephew/friend it would be totally different.

mummyzoe2012 · 25/07/2011 18:18

thing is we asked my cusion what we could get her and she told us to get her all the things we got her

Solo · 25/07/2011 18:44

I think it's far too much to either ask for or give a young child. Just my opinion.

mummyzoe2012 · 25/07/2011 18:54

she got spoilt because she was the only child in the family but this year im saving my money for my own baby. she has been bought a doll for her bday and a dolls house (a wooden one with all the furniture and two little posable dolls) for xmas. she can like it or lump it this year and its just going to have a bow on the top so she can play with straight away

SiamoFottuti · 25/07/2011 18:56

Gift giving is solely about the reciever? Thats rather sweetly naive actually. Bless.

littlemisssarcastic · 25/07/2011 19:14

My eldest was given a gift one Xmas eve. He said he didn't want to open it until Xmas day. He was told if he didn't open it, it would be taken away and not brought back, such was the need for the giver to see his face and enjoy watching him open it. He felt he had no other option but to open the gift.
His face whilst opening the gift was one of complete misery. He looked like he was going to cry. He opened the gift, which was exactly what he had wanted, thanked the giver and took the gift to his room.
13 years later, he says it was the worst xmas he had ever had. Sad

I hate opening gifts in front of people. I feel I should paint a cheshire grin on my face, since I know everyone is looking at me, and gauging how I feel about the gift by my face. It is excruciating, but tomorrow is my birthday, so I shall go through the whole parade again, for the sake of the givers.

Sorry if I sound ungrateful, the thing is I usually adore all the gifts I receive and am actually very grateful, but I can't relax and enjoy the occasion in case I'm not grinning at the right time. Sad

PaperBank · 25/07/2011 20:14

YABU. The birthday is the special day, not before. You've given the gifts to him for him to open and enjoy, not to entertain you. Just be pleased when you're thanked :)

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:17

He wont thank us. He may mention it next week when he is here.

OP posts:
lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:19

YABU. Surely it's one's own business what he does with a gift? I'd rather not receive a gift at all then be on-stage opening them, having people take photos of my reacting, etc. Cringeworthy. If that bothers the gift giver, then they can keep their gift.

lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:22

'do believe there is a role for the receiver...not to just grab and run but to receive graciously and with thanks (general here)'

If you don't like how the receiver reacts, then don't give the gift. A gift is unconditional. If it bothers you he doesn't open it in front of you like a monkey or pay you adequate thanks, then stop giving him stuff. He'll probably be relieved.

lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:23

'But do you guys all like seeing your children open their gifts from you?'

This isn't your child and it's also an adult.

LineRunner · 25/07/2011 20:25

What lachesis said.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:29

This is my child. Most especially he is his father's child. And he is not an adult until he is 18.

OP posts:
alegre · 25/07/2011 20:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I see it as you and DH just wanting to enjoy being part of the birthday spirit before DSS goes off.

It's difficult, I can see both sides of the argument. Littlemisssarcastic, how awful for your DS Sad. It is so wrong to actually force a recipient to open a gift in front of you.

In my family people would be quite taken aback if you put a present aside to open later or on the actual day. Yes, they want to see the recipient's reaction but really they want to enjoy being part of a celebration (especially if they're not going to be there on the day). However, in DH's family everything is put aside for the actual day (even the opening of cards).

I'd take DSS' reaction as a sign of maturity. He is no longer a child who literally can't wait to open his presents.

lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:39

He's your stepson. And legally, he's an adult if you are in the UK.

You sound a bit of a controlling nightmare, IMO.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:42

Seriously dont you have to be 18 to be called an adult? I didnt realise it was 17

Over reaction much lachesis? I simply suggested it might be nice for us (and especially his siblings and father) to see him open the gifts we bought for him the day before his birthday. As it happens, he chose not to and went off with no comment from us. Hardly controlling. Simply asking here what people thought and enjoying the views of many regarding gift giving.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:44

And as for stepson, he is. I have known him since he was 2 and he has lived with us for 13 years so I do consider him one of mu children. His father certainly more than considers him his son. We bought him the gift together.As did the little ones. Very rude to make assumptions about how we view our family.

OP posts:
lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:44

Legally, it's 16.

Over-reaction? You've started an entire thread about and continue to bang on about it post after post.

Poor fella! Hope he has a nice birthday.

fluffles · 25/07/2011 20:45

i wouldn't open early presents at the time, i'd keep them, open them on the day and text or call the giver with thanks/reaction.

for most adults, there are few presents for birthdays, and we mostly work through the birthday so imo it's better to open them on the day to make the day a bit special.

lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:45

Whatever, MrsK. The whole world seems rude to you. What a way to go through life.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:45

Im responding and joining in the discussion. Isnt this a discussion? Are OP's supposed to post and run?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:46

Sorry lachesis do I know you? [confused}

OP posts:
lachesis · 25/07/2011 20:47

I'm the ghost of Amy Winehouse on the internet.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 20:47

sorry Confused

OP posts:
lollipoppet · 25/07/2011 20:56

I agree with you, would definitely want to see my child's (step or otherwise) open their birthday presents. I would say, in a very excited tone, "let's open the presents NOW!" And maybe throw in some excited hand clapping. Do it!
Ps- what's the present?!

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