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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you should open the gift in front of the giver

93 replies

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 11:09

Wont see the birthday boy (dss17) until sunday and his birthday is tomorrow (going to his mother's tonight until sunday when he comes back to us). We have given him his gifts. He isnt going to open them until tomorrow.
AIBU in thinking he should open them now, with us?

OP posts:

superjobee · 25/07/2011 11:32

i hate ppl opeining their gifts in front of me! even if its something they want i still think there will be a negative reaction its horrible. i aso hate ppl waiting for me to open presents for the same reason, my face is a dead giveaway if i dont like something and its not fair on the gift buyer to see my initial ''dear god why on earth have you bought that?'' face.

Kladdkaka · 25/07/2011 11:33

In our family rubbish presents are received with howls of laughter. My husband got a bag of potatoes off my daughter this year.

MackerelOfFact · 25/07/2011 11:36

YABU, I hate having my reaction scrutinized when opening a present, it makes me come over all insincere-sounding. Even if it's something I genuinely do love. Awkward.

Plus it's nice to have presents to open on your actual birthday. Although in a party situation, like MrsNorthman describes, I think you do need to open them at the party.

Original poster

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 11:38

I think the difference here re the embarrassment in opening a present in "front of someone" is that we arent strangers...the present is from his father (and me)

OP posts:

AnneTwacky · 25/07/2011 12:57

I think you are being a little u.

The gift was for DSS and if he wants to open it on his birthday that's surely his prerogative.

SpecialFriedRice · 25/07/2011 14:38

YABU

He's nearly an adult. Not like he's a child and you want to see the excitment on their face and see him squeal with delight.

I'm like a few other posters. I hate seeing people opening presents from me. I just get really uncomfortable. This doesn't apply to DD whos 3.5. I love seeing her wee face when she opens stuff.

I also hate opening presents in front of people. I just hate doing a fake "I love it" if its something a bit naff! I feel like I'm under intense observation and I hate it.

4madboys · 25/07/2011 14:43

yabu he is for one old enough to decide when and where to open his own gifts and secondly it is nice to open them ON your bday.

we have this issue with a relative who INSISTS on seeing the boys open their bday and xmas presents, often meaning the have to wait weeks, or even a month or two after their bdays and xmas before they get the present! a bday present two months after a childs bday is totally lost on a 3 yr old! it drives me mad!

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 25/07/2011 14:44

YAB a bit U. His present, his birthday, so up to him.
Personally I hate opening presents in front of the givers because I am unreasonably fussy and also terrible at putting on fake pleased expressions and then everyone especially me is very embarrassed.

iceandsliceplease · 25/07/2011 14:46

I hate opening presents in front of people and hate people opening my present to them in front of me. Christmas with the inlaws is just hellish

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 25/07/2011 15:02

I think it's a bit rude to open presents in front of the giver when you're an adult, which to all intents and purposes the lad is.

AgainWhen · 25/07/2011 15:03

YANBU

LucySnoweShouldRelax · 25/07/2011 15:48

Genuinely, the worst part of Christmas is having to open gifts in front of my assorted family.

Because really, when someone says they want to see your reaction, what they're saying is that they would like to see your positive reaction. Cue excruciating fake enthusiasm about yet another piece of odd jewellery made from glass beads and feathers because "it's a bit quirky, and you like things that are a bit different". Bleurgh indeed.

Original poster

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 15:49

But do you guys all like seeing your children open their gifts from you?

OP posts:

catsareevil · 25/07/2011 15:54

I think that if your Dss would prefer to wait until his birthday to open his presents then that is reasonable, and he shouldnt feel that he has to open them early.

Catsu · 25/07/2011 16:00

YABU, its up to the receiver to decide when to openn their presents and it seems perfectly reasonable for him to want to open his birthday presents on his actual birthday.
I can understand if you have small DCs who have bought your DSS something themselves that they might want to actually see him open it though and in that case I dont think theres any harm in saying quietly to DSS 'the DCs chose this one present themselves and I think they'd be quite excited to see you open it, if you dont mind opening just one present a bit early?' and see what he says!

mummyzoe2012 · 25/07/2011 16:30

my cusions little girl who is 3 in november is never alowed to open her prezzis in fornt of us at bdays or xmas as the only reason i can see is her mother is jeluse of what we buy her as for her 1st xmas they got her nothing, 1st bday a little trampleen costing £10 off ebay. 2nd xmas finger paints. where we got her loads i bought her a baby annable and pram, cot, car seat, swing, high chair. a little wooden chair with her name calved in it and loads of books and other bits.

lorelilee · 25/07/2011 16:40

I think the self-absorption of some people is quite breath-taking. Gift-giving is about the recipient NOT the giver - it's all about THEM not YOU.

Original poster

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 16:52

I dont agree.
I think the act of giving a gift to your child and seeing them enjoy it is part of the whole thing.

Strangers and adult aquaintances I agree but its slightly more of an intimate thing with your children, surely?

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 25/07/2011 17:05

I think the OP is BU, though the disappointment at being apart on his birthday is completely understandable.

MrsKravitz: if my family was under one roof on the actual day, then yes I would expect to be together when the opening took place. But no, not if for any reason were were apart (DH, who often works away has missed many an unwrapping, and I've missed one).

4madboys · 25/07/2011 17:30

i have missed my kids unwrapping stuff and my dp regularly does as he often has to work on xmas etc, its a shame yes but i take pics/videos etc he understands that they want to open their presents on their bday/xmas day and they did also each through their own choice save a few presents to open when he got home later in the day.

yoshiLunk · 25/07/2011 17:33

I agree with this part of what you said lorelilee Gift-giving is about the recipient NOT the giver - it's all about THEM not YOU

However, when you have put a lot of effort into the thought and planning which present to get and then some money into buying the gift - you do want to see (hopefully) the delight that the present gives the recipient, not "i've grabbed my pressies, now i'm off thanks" .

PedigreeChump · 25/07/2011 17:42

Hmmm... I'm torn. I think it is ok not to open in front of the giver provided you send a thank you card/text/singing telegram later after it has been opened. There seems to be a worrying trend amongst my friends and family of not opening the gifts and then not sending any kind of thanks, which I find very rude. At my 1 year old niece's party it was "there is a present table in the hall, please leave gifts on that" instead of "hello"

Serenitysutton · 25/07/2011 17:46

Yabu. You give a gift unconditionally, to be nice, not to have some form o control over the recipiants.

Original poster

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 17:47

I do believe there is a role for the receiver...not to just grab and run but to receive graciously and with thanks (general here)

OP posts:

Solo · 25/07/2011 17:58

mummyzoe you've turned it into a competition! for your cousin's Dc, which is more the reason she does it I would think. Small children certainly don't need loads of stuff for birthdays or Christmas. I'm with her on that one!

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