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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this has made my vegetarian daughter ill?

128 replies

musicposy · 24/07/2011 23:28

and should I be cross with my BIL over this?

Most Saturday nights we go down to my sisters house and my BIL, who is a very good cook, makes dinner for us. They come to us regularly too, but it's usually pizza at ours!

Anyhow, DD2 (11) has been vegetarian for nearly 4 years now and also eats virtually no dairy, only eggs. This was her choice entirely and I've always respected that; she's growing well, thriving and is never ill - until today.

Sis and Bro-in-law have always made no bones about the fact that if she was theirs, she wouldn't be "allowed" to be veggie and they think I pander terribly to her. I have to remind BIL to keep vegetables/ potatoes etc separate for her. I know he thinks I am making a terrible fuss and gets a bit huffy about my requests.

Anyway, DD2 has been quite ill today with diarrhoea and stomach cramps. We couldn't think what it is and then DD1, who helped BIL cook, says she thinks that BIL cooked the veggies/ fried/ griddled stuff in the fat and pan he'd cooked the chicken in. DD2 told me she'd thought it had a horrible taste but didn't like to be rude - I don't think it occurred to her it wouldn't be vegetarian (she just has the veg without the meat there normally).

I suspect it is this which has made her ill - does this sound crazy?

Also, I don't know whether to mention it to BIL (who could have just forgotten, I guess, though it seems unlikely), or whether to just take a LindaMcCartney meal each time now and microwave it. I don't want to fall out with them but I am a bit cross if he took it upon himself to decide it wouldn't matter. AIBU?

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 25/07/2011 09:11

I've had periods of being vegetarian and as a family we eat a relatively large amount of vegetarian meals, but also meat.

My concern would be that by the age of 11 your DD is showing signs of food intolerance, most likely caused by her choice of diet and whilst you can cater for this at home, it seems you're implying that even the tiniest amount of fat from meat can make her ill. I'm sure anyone catering for your DD would take care to ensure there's no cross-contamination of her food, but it looks like there's a constant risk of her having a stomach upset when she eats out or eats at a friend's house. I have friends with children who are diabetic or coeliac and am very careful when preparing their food, and their requirements around food aren't through their own choice.

squishysquashy · 25/07/2011 09:24

I would phone up sis and bil say your DD has D&V ask if any of them are ill. Say she thought the potatoes tasted bad so u wondered whether it was food poisoning. You could then just leave it to their imaginations or ask whether they had animal fat on them. At least this could give them a 'reason' to be more careful in future

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 09:48

FellatioNelson No one is forcing him to cook for them, he has a choice in it! If you chose to cook for someone you have to accept that their may be some things that they are unable to eat. If you won't go along with that then don't invite them! It's not ungrateful (as you say) to expect someone NOT to give your child meat products if that child has made a conscious decision to never eat them again.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 09:50

OP I would be reluctant to keep going their if he going to carry on ignoring your DDs wishes. You say he is a great cook, so in that case it should be hard for him to keep the food seperate or to remeber to do it from one time to the next. Really I would be tempted to knock to agreement on the head.

blackeyedsusan · 25/07/2011 10:01

where does she get her calcium? (dd not keen on milk and looking to steal ideas)

what sort of things do you give her to get all the protein they need (genuinely interested but to lazy to research... )

Chandon · 25/07/2011 10:10

it is more likely it was some bug.

So, in future, just bring your own McCarthey microwaveable meal.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 25/07/2011 10:12

I'm an omnivore but have had a couple of experiences of going on retreats/yoga holidays and eating meat-free for a week, then coming home, eating meat and having an upset stomach. If it can happen after a week to someone who eats meat anyway, I'm sure it can happen to a veggie.

If I were you I'd call your BiL and enquire in a concerned way as to whether anyone had any 'problems' after the food as your DD was unwell. Depending on how the conversation goes, you could 'wonder' aloud if her food had been mixed with the meat in some way ...

TimeWasting · 25/07/2011 10:13

Scholes, what's your point? Start eating meat just in case someone thinks your choices aren't important enough to bother about?

blackeyedsusan, there are plenty of vegetable sources of calcium, here's some info and if you eat enough calories from a balanced animal-free diet, including grains and pulses, then you get enough protein.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 10:15

Woah! There's calcium in oranges and brocolli?! Never new that!

Scholes34 · 25/07/2011 10:57

TimeWasting - point is OP's DD seems to be gearing herself up for some not easily avoided food intolerances - at least that is the message that the OP is giving out. Either that, or she's completely got her wires crossed here and her DD's illness wasn't caused by a little chicken fat and there really isn't a problem.

TimeWasting · 25/07/2011 11:00

It shouldn't be difficult to avoid animal fat though. What do you expect her to do?

eurochick · 25/07/2011 11:07

I'd be very surprised if a small amount of chicken fat could make her ill. I was veggie for much longer than her (no red meat for 18 years and no meat at all for 12) and had no difficulty at all going back to eating white meat and only a small amount of trouble the first three times I had red meat (mild stomach ache).

oldraver · 25/07/2011 11:08

I know when I started to eat Dairy after not eating it for over 3 years it did upset my stomach for a while

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 11:11

I don't the issue is so much if eating meat fat can make her ill, but more the fact that she has chosen to not eat it and that should be respected by her uncle when she goes to eat there. If he isn't prepared to accomodate her then he shouldn't invite the family at all.

SnapesPlaything · 25/07/2011 11:23

One of my old flatmates was veggie for years then had some bacon since I was cooking it and she loved the smell. She was sick for the whole day bless her.

Ambergambler · 25/07/2011 11:28

This is probably a little contentious, BUT I will risk saying it Grin I am not vegi, I don't particularly like many vegetables unfortunately Sad and when I go to a vegi friend's house for food, I do not expect her to cook meat for us, or do anything different. She does know I am picky with veg, but just allows me to get on with it, and have what I do like. I will also offer to take something along ie a pasta dish (vegi) that everyone likes. Thus not inconveniencing her. When she comes to me, she will always offer to bring a little something of her own, as she feels it's her choice to be vegi and she knows it isn't what everyone else has to do. I guess what I'm trying to say is, take something vegi along for your daughter, and just explain it's what she particularly enjoys at the moment so you thought you would bring it along.

My best friend is vegi, and we don't usually encounter any problems unless we travel. In Tunisia she would ask which dishes were vegetarian, and then ask what was actually in it. Almost every time, the 'vegi' dishes contained ham!!!

People who eat meat can be quite intolerant of vegetarians, unfairly I think, especially as they don't KNOW that it is always a life choice. Some people are intolerant of meat, and just can't eat it.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 11:35

You are right Amber but I think they should be tolerant even if it is a life choice.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/07/2011 12:32

Any chance it could have been the veggies cooked and left out for a bit? There are an awful lot of flies about in this weather. If she had any rice, and that was left out, that could cause stomach ache.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 25/07/2011 12:43

Ambergambler I can 100% guarantee that food in Tunisia did not contain ham! It's a muslim country...

NoHoldsBarred · 25/07/2011 12:43

No one seems to have asked it, so I will.
Is a 7 year old really capable of making the decision to cut animal products from their diet?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 25/07/2011 12:45

Is a 7 year old capable of making the decision to consume animal products in their diet?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 25/07/2011 12:48

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions, the hotels still have bacon at breakfast!

NoHoldsBarred · 25/07/2011 12:59

At 7 your parents make these choices for you, and as op and her family are meat eaters, seems strange that her dd was allowed to make this decision.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 25/07/2011 13:03

Ah. So anyone with veggie children must have either made the decision for them because they are veggie or is guilty of slack parenting because if you're not a veggie you shouldn't let your child be one.

sleepindogz · 25/07/2011 13:06

i didnt allow my child to be vegetarian until he was mature enough to decide (15 in his case) - it only lasted as a 6-month phase in any case, but no way would i let a 7 year old dictate what they would and wouldnt eat and no way would i pander to them making/buying separate food!

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