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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really annoyed at people who don't bother to RSVP?

17 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 24/07/2011 00:23

Or worse, accept an invitation and then just don't turn up on the day?

We had a BBQ today for lots of friends, I sent out invitations by email and on Facebook, and asked a few people in person. Most people I invited didn't even bother to acknowledge the invitation. Very rude. Is it so very hard to just say, "thanks, but we can't make it?"

Then at least half the people we were expecting today just didn't turn up, without a word!

What the fuck has happened to manners?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

OP posts:

debivamp · 24/07/2011 00:35

Agree with Annie - or even worse, children not turning up at your DD's birthday, especially when you have paid out £15 per child before hand - aarrgghhh!!!!!

TAtops · 24/07/2011 01:16

The child's birthday party one drives me nuts. I've resorted to reminders "just in case the original went astray" although I'm pretty sure it's parental lack of consideration that's more of an issue. And it's the same ones every year.

worcestershiremum · 24/07/2011 01:33

my eldest is now 13 when she was 4 i started having parties with school friends at our home(she did have parties aged 1,2 and 3yrs but just for family)I had the same problem and I just couldnt understand why it was soooooo difficult in replying
You have every right to be annoyed by rude people who cant be bothered to rsvp,Ive had many experiences of it and it used to drive me round the twist and now prob just about to go through it all again as our 4yr old is starting school this time

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 24/07/2011 01:40

I'm going to be eating rolls and three-bean salad for weeks, groan! At least we didn't buy too much other food.

But how on earth can you cater for anything if you don't know how many are coming?!

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 24/07/2011 01:42

i agree,if cant attend text,email,call and notify

MrsBloomingTroll · 24/07/2011 06:54

Oh, don't get me started on this...so bloody rude! DD1's birthday party today at an outside venue. Could be 15 kids showing up, could be 20, could be a couple more than that.

The dreaded party bags will either be OTT or slim pickings, depending on how many show and how inventive I have to be about swapping around the contents to make them stretch. Not to mention the catering, drinks, cake, etc. And the parents I've been avoiding for the past few weeks after not inviting their DCs in favour of others who haven't bothered to reply...

I think we'll be back to a family day out at Legoland/Chessington next year!

OP, there is something about BBQs that makes people think it's a casual arrangement, but it actually costs a flipping fortune to cater for a large group like that! Feel free to send some three bean salad this way if you want to get rid of some...

kiwimumof2boys · 24/07/2011 08:58

i hear you !
Is so annoying and rude when people do that.
What I do - is in the invite I don't say the venue. Say (for example:) 'Party ! 7pm, 13th January 7pm for kiwi's 30th RSVP by the 1st'
Then people have to RSVP to ask location.
Still it isn't always possible to do.

MoonGirl1981 · 24/07/2011 09:01

Ooooooooo, so rude!!!

It takes 30 seconds to send a text!!

If people don't RSVP (kids parties, mainly) they don't get invited a second time.

PotterWatch · 24/07/2011 09:26

YANBU!! Huge pet hate of mine, it is just damn rude. My best friend organised a baby shower for me and one of my friends just removed herself from the invite list on FB without even telling anyone she wasn't going, people assumed she was coming, I assume people are not if they haven't got the decency to reply.

smoggii · 24/07/2011 09:30

YANBU - people have a few more days to tell me if their coming to an event we're having and if they don't say and turn up their getting told they can't eat!!!

Well...I'll probably let them eat but i'll be mighty pissed off on the inside

Letz · 24/07/2011 09:30

YABU to expect a RSVP after inviting someone on Facebook...half the time I realise I have a message on that thing and it's been sent about 2 weeks before. If you want an RSVP then pick up the phone, send a formal paper invite, don't use emails and FB which some people don't religiously check every 2 minutes :)

microfight · 24/07/2011 09:43

I recently didn't reply to an invite because the invite was asking for financial contributions to the party/event as well as having to pay for your own food and drink and I thought it was rude. I presume the extra money was to pay for a room hire or something? The hosts are not poor and didn't ask anyone's opinion on whether they would be interested just sent an invite with a per head cost and that we would have to pay for our own food and drink!

frazzle26 · 24/07/2011 11:40

I was fuming at my son's 6th birthday party when 4 people didn't turn up. That was £60 down the drain. To be fair, one mother of two of the children did call and let me know but left it until 5pm the day before so there was no time to invite anyone else. The other two just didn't even bother to turn up and I didn't even get an apology!! If I'd had prior warning I would have invited others in their place.

I on the other hand always make sure I reply to invites as I hate it so much when others don't. I got a wedding invite yesterday and text the bride to say I could come. Took 30 seconds and I know she was grateful as I got a reply back as well as the fact that knowing final numbers are so important for weddings.

Mrsxstitch · 24/07/2011 11:54

They are both as bad as each other. I got married 2 weeks ago. 15 said they would come but didn't turn up another 20 just didn't bother to reply as only 60 were invited the level of over catering was incredibly embarassing.

redexpat · 24/07/2011 13:26

MrsxStitch I thought MINE was bad! I got 3 rsvps for the blessing from ILs of whom there are 71.

LineRunner · 24/07/2011 13:32

I agree with KiwiMum that there is a lot to be said for making people RSVP 'for further details'.

Not that it stops people yacking about the party and still not telling you if they're coming or not.....

crystalglasses · 24/07/2011 13:39

Just as bad is when you phone people who haven't replied and they say they aren't sure if they can make it but will let me know. i've now got to the point where i say I'm sure they don't mind but that if I haven't heard by such and such a date I'll assume they aren't coming and invite people on my reserve list. If you say it in a pleasant way there's no reason why anyone should take offence.

It's taken me several poorly attended occasions to get to this point and much worry that they'll take offence at being potentially 'uninvited' - but it saves my frayed nerves.

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