to wonder what is so wrong with being 'judgey'?

[BornInAfrica]

As far as I can tell it's human nature. If you deny that you judge you are at best deluded and at worst a bit of a liar. Judging is our inbuilt self defence mechanism surely?

I think people who claim to 'not judge' are basically spineless twats who are too scared to voice an opinion in case someone doesn't like them afterwards.

Hmm little bear isn't your post just the same as Saying "there is a black man in a nice car, must be a drug dealer" or there is a Asian youth, must be a terrorist" but hey, it's ok when you get to know them! Because then you find put they're not!

Littlebear if I could like your post I would.

I can be very very judgey, but Can and am open to having my opinions changed.

Its those people who, who have an opinion. But would rather sit on the fence for fear of a negative reaction. But then that is a weakness, we all have them mine is fags and a drink.

I agree with you LittlebearH, there's nothing worse than a person who sees everything in black/white terms and are so arrogant and inflexible when they refuse to acknowledge any other viewpoints as valid.

I know a couple of people who are like that.

It' a way of making sense of society, your surroundings and circumstances.

That's not what being Judgey is about at all. Making sense of society, surroundings and circumstances is about acquiring knowledge and making informed choices. It is quite the opposite of judgey, which is usually instantaneous and bitchy in nature eg. "What a chav/snob"etc.

You can't stop your thoughts serenity, but people who stop at those initial judgements and try to pass them off as facts are often judgy to the point of being twats.

Serenity yes probably. But small minded people would not bother to get to know them. Which IMO is worse. We can all make mistakes and with the media and other influences it is hard not to judge and make assumptions.

I have a friend who doesn't "speak proper" and yet is the most amazing intelligent, kind person I know. On first meeting I thought she was older than her years, common and frumpy. i love the bones of her. She thought I was posh and thought because I am shy, stuck up.

If it helps africa I am happy to admit I have made a number of judgements about you. I judge all the time. Everyone does - its human nature. Now, I don't always feel the need to externalise those judgements, most of the time I just think something and don't feel the need to say it or act on it, as a lot of the time I am aware the judgement is based on my own views and opinions and everyone is entitled to have different ones.

For example, I personally dislike earings on babies and when I see it I make a number of internal judgements. But I recognise these are based on my views and predjudices and it is really nothing to do with me - so I don't comment.

However, I will speak up when I "judge" someone to be behaving in a way that I think is harmful. That, I think, is important.

Well, if 'being judgey' = firmly making up your mind about someone or something based not even on incomplete facts, but on merely a very first impression

then I would say there is plenty wrong with being judgey. As that was your question, OP, I think what is wrong with being judgey is:

• first impressions are often misleading, meaning that being judgey would often mean reaching plain wrong conclusions that even yourself would not agree with if you had bothered to take a second look
• you might wrongfully cause people lots of distress by disdaining them based on a first impression
• you would deny yourself lots of experiences, meeting interesting new people and such because you had cast them into the 'unwanted' category upon the first impression
• and on the other hand you might waste lots of time on other people who you instantly judged worthwhile your time and then refuse to change your judgement when it slowly emerges that actually they are not good for you - for instance if you have a pattern of attracting abusers for partners.
• You'd end up living in a fantasy world because by the time you see all the facts, you're mind is already too made up to take them on board.

Still, making decisions about stuff based on first impressions is something we all do, need to do to get through the day without being overwhelmed by options and possibilities. So agree that it is natural in a way. What is key is how we act on it, particularly where other people are involved.

I tend to think of myself as fairly non-judgey but I guess what I really mean is that I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I.e. I think most people are quite decent folk and it will always take more than a first impression to convince me otherwise.

You'll get a better sound from a Strat, Apocalypse

Oh I live a good bitching judgey session, I think we should come up with a song to strum me pant elastic too

I do not judge, cos i live in a glass house so i cannot throw stones :)

I don't wish to appear non judgemental Op. I fully admit to being judgemental. I judge people who have little to no compassion, much like yourself Op.

Do I judge people struggling with addictions and MH issues? No, I have known far too many people close to me who have struggled with those issues. I have been scarily close to serious addiction myself. Those people get my compassion and my sympathy.

Would I judge a young woman who has just died in tragic circumstances. Hell no, I am a decent human being.

be as fuckwitted as you wish.expect challenge and comment though

BIA,your evocative of mn bullies of yore
we done that already
search the archives
are you newbie
i'll get popcorn
....astonishingly unoriginal and old skool

I haven't even read all of this thread so forgive me if I'm off base because to be honest I have indeed judged you OP on your previous comments about "Junkies" and the fact that you cannot form an opinion on a certain subject because "You do not know any retards". (Sorry it was a quote, I would never use that word like that)

There is no reason a person should not set standards for themselves at all but as empathetic, understanding human beings we should also have tolerance and compassion for others suffering. Be it drugs, alcohol or prescription medication these people are not well. No one who is truly mentally stable would be shoving chemicals in their bodies on a regular basis knowing it will probably kill them. The very fact that they are doing this shows that they have lost the capability to determine what is right for themselves.

I don't think there's anything wrong with judging, we all do it.

It only becomes a problem if people believe that their judgements are 100% right.

If you make a judgement, but also keep in mind that you could be wrong, then it does no harm to anyone.

It's ok to be judgy as long as you are prepared to open your mind and accept that some things are not always as they seem. And just because I don't agree with what someone else judges about it doesn't mean they are a twat - although in some cases it might - but generally Tis just a difference of opinion!

Everyone judges-you take in a huge amount of information in the first 2 seconds of meeting someone. The important thing is to:
a. keep it to yourself
b be open minded and prepared to change your mind.

BUT you can tell everyone on MN! (you should still be prepared to change your mind)

I would judge the OP to be an extraordinarily unhappy person.

Was just reading this:

www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/jul/24/internet-anonymity-trolling-tim-adams

'The psychologists call it "deindividuation". It's what happens when social norms are withdrawn because identities are concealed. The classic deindividuation experiment concerned American children at Halloween. Trick-or-treaters were invited to take sweets left in the hall of a house on a table on which there was also a sum of money. When children arrived singly, and not wearing masks, only 8% of them stole any of the money. When they were in larger groups, with their identities concealed by fancy dress, that number rose to 80%. The combination of a faceless crowd and personal anonymity provoked individuals into breaking rules that under "normal" circumstances they would not have considered.'

I'd agree with that. I think most MNetters are far more judgemental (myself included) within the relative safety of this forum. That doesn't mean we don't constantly make judgments/form strong opinions in RL- perhaps we just don't voice them out loud for fear of getting a smack in the face!

My case rests.

Good. Does that mean you've shut the fuck up now? Excellent news!