To be pissed off with another saturday with dh at work?

[pommedechocolat]

Right. Background. DH works long hours in high pressure industry and is currently doing a lot of work outside his areas in his company as other directors are shit. He is the worst paid director but is the one everyone turns to/md tells him it's all up to him.

Another saturday with him in the office and me stuck at home doing all childcare/housework etc.
No energy to do anything either as am 7 weeks pg and shattered and nauseous. Currently in tears and annoyed with myself.

I work two days a week but my work NEVER interferes with family life I am in control of it. I do all nursery pick ups/drop offs too and have only asked for him to do three pick ups in last 10 months (car accident, snow, hen do). If I can keep everything contained why the fuck can't he?!

By the way it is not unusual to work sat ams in this industry but not till mid pm every week.

AIBU to a. be upset and b. mind more because he's brooking such a shit deal with work. Won't ask for a pay rise for a million reasons (but I think it's because he doesn't like talking about money). If I could at least swan around buying crap I might not mind so much!

ARGHHH.

YANBU op. I can't believe how many people think that non stop work is fine and to be expected. I think it is exploitation, unless the person is perhaps building their own business and will ultimately reap the rewards. Work is supposed to be part of life, not all. The OP is 7 weeks pg and feeling shit. I only see this opinion that you work until the job is done on MN. In real life I know only one person who works fifty billion hours a week (and gets huge salary and bonus), but everyone still thinks he is being unsupportive to his wife and children. If a company requires you to work 70hrs a week, every week, they are not employing enough people.

DH on occasion also works weekends/late nights/days he's meant to be on annual leave (these are most annoying). I agree it's shit that you don't get to see your DH so much/ don't get to have quality family time. But ... as DH constantly tells me, doing the extras is what will get him kept on when the next round of redundancies come round and/or get him a small bonus out of the meagre bonus pot.

I also work part time and am better at compartmentalising my job. Which also means that I am less well regarded in the company than before I had children, and means I will probably never get a promotion. Would be very hard for both of us adopt this attitude towards our careers. And now the DC are at school, I'm starting to resent that my career is the one that's stagnated.

I think this is so discriminatory - using the economic situation to get people to work above and beyond. It discriminates against those with families, or perhaps older people who have realised that work is not the be all and end all.

Mine very rarely takes time off work. We have just had a 2 week holiday for the first time since 1998. (it's usually just one week he fits in). He may have a couple of days off from now untill Christmas.

It does my head in most of the time but it's just our way of life.

Not commenting on the whole thread, because I'm a long way past all that.
But my teenagers used to say 'I'm no good at housework' 'I can't cook' 'I don't know how to clean a bathroom, or how to keep my room tidy' when they were young.
I taught them. It wasn't rocket science, and I too am far from running an ideal home. I wasn't going to let 'I'm no good at housekeeping' be an acceptable answer though.

Op, I'm sorry you are struggling now, but you need to find a way forwards before you are still struggling, but with two children instead of one.

My DH works just about every weekend. I work FT Mon to Fri so spend my weekends doing all the stuff that needs doing with DD in tow. He gets 2 days off in the week on his own to sit on his arse and watch TV/ play on his phone.

He is also working about 55 hours a week and being paid for 43, while I haven't managed to do my full hours (that I'm being paid for) for a while so I owe work 7 hours. They tell him at work that he is shit and underperforming but can't manage without him. And he takes it. He's supposed to finish at 8am but here we are almost 9.30 and no sign of him again..

Word of advice OP, it won't get any better. Don't have anymore DC after this one if you can't stand the situation as it is..

My OH works in London, so he's usually not home til gone 8pm.
I think you have to talk to your DH and work out what is possible for both of you. But you will need to be able to compromise, and to listen to his side of things too, without getting over-emotional and stressed. So pick your time carefully.

I think your OH needs to stand up for himself. Those who are most valued at work are those that value their own time and get things done - not those who will do endless hours. YANBU - a senior employee should have more control over their work IMHO. And yes - being stuck on your own with DC whilst preg on a sat is rubbish.