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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with another saturday with dh at work?

83 replies

pommedechocolat · 23/07/2011 12:17

Right. Background. DH works long hours in high pressure industry and is currently doing a lot of work outside his areas in his company as other directors are shit. He is the worst paid director but is the one everyone turns to/md tells him it's all up to him.

Another saturday with him in the office and me stuck at home doing all childcare/housework etc.
No energy to do anything either as am 7 weeks pg and shattered and nauseous. Currently in tears and annoyed with myself.

I work two days a week but my work NEVER interferes with family life I am in control of it. I do all nursery pick ups/drop offs too and have only asked for him to do three pick ups in last 10 months (car accident, snow, hen do). If I can keep everything contained why the fuck can't he?!

By the way it is not unusual to work sat ams in this industry but not till mid pm every week.

AIBU to a. be upset and b. mind more because he's brooking such a shit deal with work. Won't ask for a pay rise for a million reasons (but I think it's because he doesn't like talking about money). If I could at least swan around buying crap I might not mind so much!

ARGHHH.

OP posts:
Original poster
pommedechocolat · 23/07/2011 12:38

vim = vom

OP posts:
tholeon · 23/07/2011 12:40

also don't get the 'let the toddler play' thing. Do they do that? Mine always wants me to play with him unless there are other people around or the TV is on (an option??)

My DH works long hours and doesn't see us much during the week but I guess I'm lucky in that he is usually around at w/es. I think it must be pretty tough for both of you. Do you have any grannies or others around who might like to look after DD for a bit so can rest?? Or could you afford to pay for a bit of childcare sometimes?

Miffster · 23/07/2011 12:41

My dh has to work all weekend til after midnight probably. I will be at home with baby. We are going on long haul flight tues to uk so will have to do all packing and housework, oh, and we can't leave house because ofhumidity and insects. What we are in uk I will continueto look after baby whilst he does three days client meetings. We will be camping out in other peoples houses with jetlagged and unsettled baby. Want to cry am so tired, baby fed every two hours all night. YANBU at all.

Sigh

worraliberty · 23/07/2011 12:41

iggagog that's true but sometimes in order to keep a job, you have to put the hours in..especially if for example you've got yourself a mortgage, or if your contract states it.

lockets · 23/07/2011 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pommedechocolat · 23/07/2011 12:42

SAHM is not natural to me and I am SHIT at the housewife bit. Can barely manage a decent tea on the table let alone any baking or any of that.

SAHM feels a lot more daunting, overwhelming and full of drudge with no sense of achievement to me. Not 'less worthy' in any way. Just 'less me'.

I don't want to work full time as I want a certain balance for dd and the unborn one and I get a good amount for my two days so money wise don't feel guilty about what I bring in.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 23/07/2011 12:42

"He HAS got the easier deal out of both of us at the moment."

No he hasn't.

You "keep everything contained" for your job because you work very part time. He has to up port his family which, I can imagine, feels like shit when you don't see them.

You need to get a grip on all this and sort out any bad feeling between you before no. 2 comes along otherwise it is only going to get worse.

MumblingRagDoll · 23/07/2011 12:42

Ah poor OP you're suffering wth hormones. Any chocolate in the vicinity?

uggmum · 23/07/2011 12:43

My dh works away from home all week and he returns on fri eve and goes again mon morning. When my dc were younger I found it hard at times.
You feel like you do everything. Its hard on my dh as well. He misses us and it can be lonely in hotels all the time.
You have my sympathy

SoupDragon · 23/07/2011 12:44

up port = support in case you hadn't realised.

I think perhaps you need to put the child(ren) in childcare more and work more hours - you clearly hate the whole SAHM thing so I'm not convinced it benefits your DD/baby.

MumblingRagDoll · 23/07/2011 12:44

I am also a shit house keeper....but I am good at crafting with the DC! Grin Can ou focus less on cleaning and bakig and more on getting out and exploring your locality? Museums? Parks? Woods?

worraliberty · 23/07/2011 12:45

SAHM is not natural to me and I am SHIT at the housewife bit. Can barely manage a decent tea on the table let alone any baking or any of that

Then learn to be good at it and you'll probably feel much better.

You don't have to 'bake' but if you can't cook a decent tea...there are thousands of free internet recipe sites that take you through very basic step by step instructions on cooking some beautiful meals..they even have step by step video instructions so you will be able to learn.

LineRunner · 23/07/2011 12:46

It's not unreasonable for the OP to ask for a time when her DH will be home.

He's a senior employee. He's not running the World Bank.

lockets · 23/07/2011 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeterSpanswick · 23/07/2011 12:49

Sympathy! My DH is self employed and routinely works 6/7 day weeks leaving me solely in charge of housework/childcare on weekends which I found really hard when I was working fulltime - now I'm pregnant again and on maternity leave and find it much easier to be supportive as I am less knackered and grumpy! Although of course I wish he spent more time with us as a family..

If he can't compromise, you can't hold it against him that he is working hard for his family although I have been there myself and can completely understand how you feel! It's a tough one!

Original poster
pommedechocolat · 23/07/2011 12:49

Oh chocolate...

OP posts:
ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 23/07/2011 12:50

the problem here is that your dh is doing the work no one else is doing and getting paid less. Now there are several reasons for this probably -

  1. He isn't as good at time management so has to put the extra hours in
  2. He is having the piss taken by everyone else as they know he will do it
  3. he is worried he isn't as good at his job as you think he is and so needs to put the extra work in
  4. threat of redundancy at work? Is it possible? Is he concerned about this?

If his work are taking the piss, he needs to stand up to them and demand a pay rise. If he is very good at what he does then he needs to go to a head hunter and tell them to look out for a job for him in his area where he won't have the piss taken.

However it seems unlikely that either of those is going to happen so you are going to have to remain feeling pissed off and unhappy it seems. For what its worth I don't think yabu or that unreasonable anyway Smile but it will pass and tbh feel sorry for your dh, he is missing out on so much because of work Smile

spout · 23/07/2011 12:53

look, you're both working really bloody hard, in different ways. Making it into a competition of 'who has it hardest' will only lead to horrible, needless resentment.

You are working towards the same thing - a happy, secure household for your family. Give him, and yourself a big break. Give him a big cuddle when he gets in, don't carry the resentment on.

SpareRoomSleeper · 23/07/2011 12:54

Im stuck at home with my DH on the sofa with a broken tibia bone, and emptying his wee out/doing his meds/breakfast/lunch/housework every half hour.

Which would you prefer? Because we can do a wife swap thingy if you want Grin

Lady1nTheRadiator · 23/07/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 23/07/2011 12:59

also don't get the 'let the toddler play' thing.

Ok it was me that said that. All I was trying to say was don't stress about the housework. take it easy. On days like that this I used to have all the lego or Thomas the Tank stuff in the living room. Tv on and let them get on with it while I sat there not doing any thing in paticular. I remember having ship pregnancy days with a toddler and DH being away working.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 23/07/2011 12:59

worra's right, learning a new skill will help you loads - although have to say when pg with no 2 dd ate a lot of toast as couldn't step in the kitchen without wanting to vomit!

LineRunner · 23/07/2011 13:00

She doesn't need a new skill; she wants to know when her husband will be home.

CurrySpice · 23/07/2011 13:01

While I don't think YABU about being resentful about it I do think YABU with all this "I've got it harder", "I manage to do my job in the time" stuff - it's not a competition about hwo has it worse! He's probably not cockahoop about working either

Having said that, I'm sorry you feel so sad and rough :( My ex worked (and still does) every weekend, all year round and it stinks :( he never saw why it was a problem for me because it was like that when we met. Yeah but now we have 2 kids

MindtheGappp · 23/07/2011 13:03

Be thankful he has a job.

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