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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with my friend's dh

82 replies

emkana · 22/07/2011 22:44

my friend and I are due to go to the take that concert on Monday. She has a very small baby who is exclusively breastfed and doesn't take a bottle, so the plan was that her dh and the baby would come with us and wait in the car, so that she could feed just before we go in. I was fine with that. Now today friend's dh phones me - as a surprise for her birthday, which is tomorrow, he will take her for a day's shopping on Monday before the concert. As it wouldn't make sense driving wise to come back to their home between shopping and the concert, could I just meet them at the arena please? The arena is nearly an hour away from where we live. I had thought we would go up together. Now I will have to travel on my own. Aibu to think this is quite inconsiderate?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/07/2011 22:47

Why cant you travel up on your own? Surely they will be giving you a lift back anyway.

worraliberty · 22/07/2011 22:47

Awww an hour's travel on your own is no problem considering your friend is going to be treated to a day's shopping for her birthday surely?

AgentZigzag · 22/07/2011 22:48

Wasn't her DH and baby going to go with you anyway?

So it's not as though it was just going to be you and her on a night out together.

Why don't you want to travel on your own?

MightyQuim · 22/07/2011 22:48

yabu.

Arion · 22/07/2011 22:49

Sorry, I think he is being nice and supportive of your friend.

I don't blame him for wanting to make more of a day of it, rather than travel an hour to sit outside a concert with a baby in the car and then travel back again.

thisisyesterday · 22/07/2011 22:50

hmm yes and no.... i know part of the excitement is travelling up, but i'm sure you'll be fine getting there by yourself won't you?

Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 22:50

I dunno it was going to be a thing for me and my friend to enjoy together, we don't see each other that often, and now it's kind of been taken over. Not sure about the lift, as they live nearly forty minutes away from where I am, so might habpve to take my own car. I just don't see why the shopping had to be planned for that day.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 22/07/2011 22:53

You have a car? Well that's even better. I thought you had to travel by public transport or something.

The thing is, they are a family now and although you two are friends...you have to make allowances for the fact you're not the only person thinking of her.

CocoPopsAddict · 22/07/2011 22:53

Taken over? Sorry, don't get it. When I'm going somewhere with friends, I usually meet them there.

AgentZigzag · 22/07/2011 22:56

He must just want her to have a day of it, it's lovely if she'd like to go shopping, and him being thoughtful towards her.

I would be pleased for my friend.

lenak · 22/07/2011 22:57

Her DH is willing to sit in a car with a young baby - presumably he will either wait in the car with the baby for about five hours while you are the gig - and it is quite possible the baby will be unsettled or he will be driving home through horrendous traffic and then have to look after a baby who may end up crying in hunger but who he can't feed because he won't take a bottle.

He is doing all of this so your friend can go to this gig with you. On top of that he is also treating her for her birthday with a shopping trip.

IMO he would be quite within his rights to ask her not to go.

He sounds wonderful - you sound jealous

VanillaRooibos · 22/07/2011 22:59

I think YABU. You sound a bit spoilt. An hour away is nothing.

Annpan88 · 22/07/2011 23:00

I think any man who will wait outside for a few hours while his wife goes toi a concert is a saint, and he wants to spoil her a bit as well? Considering she's spending the evening with you I don't think he's U. But I can see how its a pain for you xx

Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 23:08

Where they go shopping is quite a way from the concert hall as well. They will have to drive an hour to get to where they're shopping, then do the shopping with a baby in tow, then drive another hour to the concert, feed baby, go in, it will be standing only at the concert. Then drive home at night. I think my friend will be shattered. They have two older children as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 23:09

Who will be looked after by the grandmother.

OP posts:
Dozer · 22/07/2011 23:11

Yabu.

AgentZigzag · 22/07/2011 23:16

But the nuts and bolts of their shopping trip is up to them surely?

Will your friend say she doesn't feel up to it (if she doesn't) when her DH tells her what he's got planned?

Are you feeling like this because you feel pushed out or because you're worried your friend will be shattered?

Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 23:19

I'm not sure what my friend will say. If she's pleased about the shopping then of course I won't say anything and we will make it work.

It's a bit of both really, worried about her but also a bit pushed out. My friend and I live in two different countries and due to children etc we havent had many chances to connect recently.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/07/2011 23:24

I had thought we would go up together. Now I will have to travel on my own.

Not sure about the lift, as they live nearly forty minutes away from where I am, so might have to take my own car

Those sentences do sort of contradict each other..

Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 23:26

The plan was I would drive to their place, then drive up together, after concert I would have driven back to mine from their place. It is quicker in pure driving time to drive straight to the concert than to drive to theirs first and then to concert, but I wanted to do it for the company.

OP posts:
SpecialFriedRice · 22/07/2011 23:31

YABU

It's HER birthday. So its HER day. Her DH is entitled to enjoy some of that day with her too. Yeah she might be shattered at the end of the day, but it'll probably be the kind of "wow I had a fab day" kind of shattered.

Original poster
emkana · 22/07/2011 23:37

Her birthday is tomorrow, the concert on Monday.

This is the first time in ten years that my friend and I are doing something like this together.

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 22/07/2011 23:38

Are you saying it's inconsiderate towards your friend or towards you? I can't tell.

cat64 · 22/07/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AgentZigzag · 22/07/2011 23:44

All that's happening is that the plans have been tweaked a bit, it happens all the time, and in this situation it's for a really nice reason.

Would you want your friend to not go shopping with her DH so you could have a bit of company on the way to the concert?

I hope for your friends sake the answer's no.

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