Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with my friend's dh

82 replies

emkana · 22/07/2011 22:44

my friend and I are due to go to the take that concert on Monday. She has a very small baby who is exclusively breastfed and doesn't take a bottle, so the plan was that her dh and the baby would come with us and wait in the car, so that she could feed just before we go in. I was fine with that. Now today friend's dh phones me - as a surprise for her birthday, which is tomorrow, he will take her for a day's shopping on Monday before the concert. As it wouldn't make sense driving wise to come back to their home between shopping and the concert, could I just meet them at the arena please? The arena is nearly an hour away from where we live. I had thought we would go up together. Now I will have to travel on my own. Aibu to think this is quite inconsiderate?

OP posts:
OurPlanetNeptune · 23/07/2011 00:23

The husband is doing two things that are really nice for his wife (and child) and all you can think about is the fact that he is upstaging you and taking her away from you for, what, a 40 minute journey. Sorry if this sounds harsh OP, but you seem selfish, jealous and a little immature.

As much as the OP is subtly trying to make him to be a bad guy I think he sounds lovely.

worraliberty · 23/07/2011 00:23

I'm telling you what the op said and that is the baby won't feed from a bottle

How do you know the parents haven't tried a nipple teat?

GreenEyesandHam · 23/07/2011 00:29

It's nobody else's bloody business of the child would 'starve' without a bottle or not, they breastfeed - which is why the husband is going to be sat outside an arena with a tiny baby for several hours on Monday night.

He's taking advantage of having babysitting for the older children on the same day, and taking his wife and baby shopping, as a surprise. The only thing he's asked the OP to do differently, is meet at a different place.

Yes. The bastard Confused

ChuntyCops · 23/07/2011 00:31

Surprise shopping trip? Sit in the car with the baby? I wish I had a man like that! YAB completely U

AgentZigzag · 23/07/2011 00:32

It wouldn't have been my cup of tea eurostar, but it might be for the OPs friend.

I would have just appreciated the thought tbh, whether I went on the shopping trip or not.

I'm sure the DH is doing it for her friend rather than trying to get one over on the OP.

The OP's not said there's a specific reason he's trying to eat into the time she's spending with the OP, so why would he go to such lengths?

Squirrelsmum · 23/07/2011 05:43

Well if he is anything like my ex I would be miffed too OP. Not saying he is, but I would see it as trying to control her outing and wouldn't be surprised if some time during the course of the concert he would ring and say the baby's crying, you're only 100 metres away come out and feed him and then her night is pretty much ruined.
So yes I am projecting but I know I would prefer to forget the shopping trip altogether and leave the hubby and baby at home and enjoy some time out.

whoneedssleepanyway · 23/07/2011 06:41

Seriously you are begrudging your friend a shopping trip out for her birthday with her DH....

FWIW the whole plan sounds a bit flawed, i am not convinved that the baby will just happily take a full feed when needed to just before the concert, then sleep happily in the car and not need any more feeding till the last song has been sung....if I were you OP I would make sure I had my own travel arrangements anyway as I am not sure that you friend will make it through the whole concert.

Original poster
emkana · 23/07/2011 07:48

So okay he is a great husband to plan this for her, but I still think he shouldn't have changed plans that my friend and I made without consulting us.

OP posts:
Al0uiseG · 23/07/2011 07:53

Yabvu to want to watch Take That :o

Original poster
emkana · 23/07/2011 08:08

I'm a bit worried how it's all going to work out with baby as well.

OP posts:
Catsu · 23/07/2011 08:16

Yabu.
Your plans are to see take that together. That you assumed you'd travel with them to get there is incidental. Your plans haven't changed at all, just half the travel arrangements.
As someone who is in a similar situation to your friend, if my dh arranged a bday shopping trip to take advantage of a child free day (obv except for the baby) before the concert I was going to with a friend, I would be chuffed. It's more likely to be a slow stroll round only a few shops, and plenty of time sitting in coffee shops feeding the baby and chatting together, but that sounds lovely! How nice for them to be able to have couple time together while the older dcs are away!
If I were your friend I wouldn't consider the plans to have been changed at all, still be spending the whole time at the concert with you (thanks to huge effort to make it possible by dh), only travel arrangements have been tweaked!

cjbartlett · 23/07/2011 08:17

Did the husband ring you?
I think it's out of order too

VelveteenRabbit · 23/07/2011 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goblinchild · 23/07/2011 08:26

I think you are inconsiderate to have planned a concert trip whilst her baby was still so dependent on her. The shopping trip sounds a much better idea.

DandyLioness · 23/07/2011 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwanttoseethezoo · 23/07/2011 08:32

cat64 I agree - i would have found that too much with a tiny one, even with my third. i would rather do the shopping another day. But that is up to the mum - perhaps she will say "no, it's too much" to the dh.

I can see why the OP is a bit put out, if you plan something with an old friend who you barely see, you want to have time to chat as much as possible, and the car ride there would've been ideal. Now she will just have an hour or so before the concert where it will be busy and noisy - it's not quality time. But i don't know what she can do about it. If she says anyhting she risks offending her friend or her dh and then things become uncomfortable...

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 23/07/2011 08:33

YABU I think, and you are making yourself sound a bit like a teenager.
How old is the baby?

diddl · 23/07/2011 08:34

I agree that the shopping sounds easier to do with a bfeeding baby.

Have they a plan for if baby starts screaming for a feed whilst mum´s in the concert?

everlong · 23/07/2011 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 23/07/2011 08:42

I'm with Goblin - I can't believe you and she are going to make a baby sit for hours in a stationary car so you can attend a concert.

That is shit. Poor baby :(

Original poster
emkana · 23/07/2011 08:51

I agree, sounds horrific. We bought the tickets back in november when she was pregnant. I said to her is it going to work and she said yes of course, shed be sorted by then with giving the occasional bottle. Baby is now nearly four months.

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 23/07/2011 08:52

Re stationary car - the husband could go for a drive?

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 23/07/2011 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
emkana · 23/07/2011 09:22

Tbh I don't expect the evening to be much of a success.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 23/07/2011 09:27

I think you just have to try and make the best of it and be cheerful about it rather than looking to annoyed. I haven't done much on my own with my mates for a few years because we live in different areas, all have small children and babies and busy lives. It is just one of those things.

Have a good time, and if it is a disaster then you can look back and laugh about it over a bottle or two in years to come.