Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

No I'm NOT, I'm really really NOT! But I am so bloody soft!

104 replies

TheRhubarb · 22/07/2011 16:23

I need to rant, I really really do, more at my own stupidity really.

There is a mum whose ds is going to the same secondary as my dd. I have taken her son under my wing a bit as he has learning difficulties and I've helped him to deal with some bullies, so I have a soft spot for him. I know they are a bit short of cash so last week I told her that she could get second hand uniforms from the reception at the school and that I was going today for my dd's uniform. She thanked me and asked me to get the number of the school for her, I did wonder why she couldn't do it herself but it wasn't a problem so I got her the number.

Then yesterday she approached me and asked me if I could pick up her son's uniform today as I was going for dd's. She had even written the sizes down for me and told me that she had no car etc etc and if I told her how much she owed she would pay me back.

I thought that was cheeky but like the fool I am, I agreed, however we are away this weekend, it's dd's birthday and we are short of cash ourselves.

I went to the school and she had already phoned them and told them I would be be paying for her son's uniform! I phoned her mobile, it was off, I phoned her home phone and left a message to say how much it was and that I need the cash after school today.

So after school I seek her out and hand over the uniform whilst explaining what I'd managed to get for her. She then says she doesn't have the money as she wouldn't get paid until Monday! Well what could I do? I had already handed the uniform over, I had stupidly paid for it out of my own money and now she wasn't going to pay me back until next week! She claimed she hadn't been home all day so hadn't got my message.

I'm now thinking that I will never see that money again and I am kicking myself for being such a fool! The money I had saved by buying second hand has just been wiped out by this woman. I am so very very stupid!

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 26/07/2011 16:33

I think she'll pay you back.

I'd have done the same thing, I'm a soft touch too.

MissPB · 26/07/2011 17:16

I have been reading the thread and am curious to know what happened - did she pay in the end or are you still chasing the money! Such a cheek!

Whatmeworry · 26/07/2011 17:25

Reading the OP's latest post sounds like the other mum has money worries or is a nutter is not quite all there, so you've probably made one little boy very happy for his first day at school.

Karma....

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 26/07/2011 21:47

Not picking phone up, left message with my number saying I can call round tomorrow - no reply.

I know the street she lives on but not the house number. All I can do is try to call again tomorrow morning.

OP posts:

takethisonehereforastart · 27/07/2011 01:09

I hope she has the decency to reply to your message OP.

But I doubt you will get your money back.

She was very conniving, ringing the school before she had even spoken to you, making it sound like she would pay you back quickly, then telling you she would be paid on Monday and so that was when she would pay you back and now effectively going into hiding from you and not returning your calls and messages.

All of it points to her seeing you as a soft touch that she can rip off and rely on your feelings for her son to get away with it.

She's made a lot of people angry on your behalf, and I don't think what she has done is fair at all, but you already sound resigned to losing that money and it's very big of you to want to help her son and so look at it as a benefit to him rather than a loss to you. But you'd be a fool to have anything more to do with her after this if she doesn't pay you back.

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 27/07/2011 09:24

She answered the phone this morning, sounded surprised to hear from me. Apparently she would have dropped the money off sooner but has been ill, which is presumably why she hasn't responded to my messages

I'm going round at 10.30am. Hopefully this tale will have a good outcome. I'm going to donate the money to the DEC.

OP posts:

RunAwayWife · 27/07/2011 09:29

HOPE YOU GET THE MONEY BACK

clueless1 · 27/07/2011 09:37

what is the DEC??
but anyway, whatever it is. your family need that money. keep it.

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 27/07/2011 09:55

Disasters Emergency Committee.
We were hoping to make a donation anyway and with MIL's generosity we've paid for dd's uniform and been able to also pay for her first course of guitar lessons. As I'd mentally written the money off, I can at least make sure that it goes to a good cause.

Will let you know what happens later on.

OP posts:

Zimm · 27/07/2011 10:01

Wow OP - you are very generous to donate to DEC. I really hope you get the money back.

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/07/2011 12:39

if you dont need the money back why not just call the uniform a gift then?

I'm not understanding - i thought her not paying you back had left you short? charity is charity - who needs the donation more?

i couldnt be arsed, tbh, to go to the trouble of getting her to pay only to give it away anyway....im confused.

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 27/07/2011 13:33

VicarInaTutu, because she led me on and was very cheeky. They are not a family on benefits, both parents work but I presume they don't have stacks of cash. However neither have we and if MIL hadn't given us money for dd then we would have struggled. It's a cheeky thing to do to anyone and hopefully me not letting her keep it will ensure she doesn't take the piss again.

I got the money back!

So I shall give her the benefit of doubt, perhaps she did intend to pay me back but presumed that it was no big deal and I could wait until she was ready.

It's gone towards Sudan along with the kids pocket money that they wanted to donate. It's a far more crucial cause than someone's school uniform.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 27/07/2011 13:36

Good stuff

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/07/2011 14:07

This is getting a whiff of the 'aren't I marvellous'es

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 27/07/2011 14:13

Sorry dickie, just giving updates and after everything that has happened I would feel a bit uncomfortable just pocketing the money, I'd rather give it away and have a happier ending as this really did stress me out last weekend. So I'm seeing it as therapy. But I've no intention of trying to make out that I am marvellous, I am far from it, I'm a stresshead who instead of standing my ground, takes the cowards way out and rants on Mumsnet instead.

But the story has run its course now. I got the money back after all. All is right again.

OP posts:

sloggies · 27/07/2011 17:20

Result!

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/07/2011 19:04

But if this child with SN means as much as you say and you don't now even need the money which earlier up thread you said you did, i don't understand going to great lengths to get the money just to give it away again? I'm still terribly confused about the whole thing. IMHO, if you were so annoyed about being so nice you are taken advantage off you should have some assertiveness training....then you can avoid bring put into this situation in future. I still don't get why when at school you just couldn't say " oh I'm sorry there s been a misunderstanding' when asked to pay.. anyway... I'm glad you are happy with the end result.

Original poster

TheRhubarb · 27/07/2011 19:13

I guess it's the principle VicarInaTutu. She'd told the school I would pay before she even asked me and then she constantly put off paying me back, leaving me in a tight spot until MIL paid for dd's uniform. She probably knew I couldn't say no to her ds. However I'm not here to be taken advantage of and I've been assertive in contacting her about it and driving out of my way to pick up the money.

On the one hand some say I should have just left it and on the other hand some are saying that I should have sullied her name and turned up with dh to demand the money back! I made the decision to get the money back if I could, which I did. Not everyone on this thread will be happy with that, but for me it's the best outcome that could have happened, she knows now that I won't just leave it and I've learnt a valuable lesson.

Her ds has his uniform, she might think twice before taking advantage, I won't lend out so easily and the money's been put to good use.

Now best to leave it at that.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 27/07/2011 19:16

It seems an awful lot to give to a disaster fund when you are living on the breadline, OP.

You seem to feel guilty about having the money, but it was your money to start with. You shouldn't feel you have to give it to charity. (Not wanting to sound really mean here, but obviously it caused problems for you, so you couldn't easily give it away.)

And at school, like Vicar said, you should have said, "I'm sorry, I don't have the money to pay for this. Can the GreedyFriend have it and owe the money?"

Schools don't open just the day school starts; she could have gone in the day before to pick up the uniform and pay for it.

poppysweetie · 27/07/2011 19:18

Did you get the money back?

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/07/2011 20:13

I agree she was very very cheeky but why pay in the first place, go to quite great lengths to get the money back ( rightly so) and then give it away? You either needed the money or you didn't? She paid up and you dont suggest that she never had any intention to pay....yes she was a cheeky cow but you facilitated this whole situation by being a martyr. sorry!But If you're going to do a favour for someone do it willingly and in good faith or don't do it. That way you don't stress.

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/07/2011 20:27

Just read back and I sound unnecessarily harsh... Didn't mean to

2old2beamum · 27/07/2011 20:30

To be totally honest I would have done exactly the same and then been quite hurt that someone would take advantage of my gullibility. And then do it again tomorrow!

2old2beamum · 27/07/2011 20:34

Glad you got your money back, well done for giving it to the 3rd world.

milkshakejake · 27/07/2011 21:01

OP, i think you definitely did the right thing to get the money off her - if she's not even a friend then why on earth should you pay for it. Personally i'd've kept the cash and put it towards something else for school, but you are a better person than I!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread