Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No I'm NOT, I'm really really NOT! But I am so bloody soft!

104 replies

TheRhubarb · 22/07/2011 16:23

I need to rant, I really really do, more at my own stupidity really.

There is a mum whose ds is going to the same secondary as my dd. I have taken her son under my wing a bit as he has learning difficulties and I've helped him to deal with some bullies, so I have a soft spot for him. I know they are a bit short of cash so last week I told her that she could get second hand uniforms from the reception at the school and that I was going today for my dd's uniform. She thanked me and asked me to get the number of the school for her, I did wonder why she couldn't do it herself but it wasn't a problem so I got her the number.

Then yesterday she approached me and asked me if I could pick up her son's uniform today as I was going for dd's. She had even written the sizes down for me and told me that she had no car etc etc and if I told her how much she owed she would pay me back.

I thought that was cheeky but like the fool I am, I agreed, however we are away this weekend, it's dd's birthday and we are short of cash ourselves.

I went to the school and she had already phoned them and told them I would be be paying for her son's uniform! I phoned her mobile, it was off, I phoned her home phone and left a message to say how much it was and that I need the cash after school today.

So after school I seek her out and hand over the uniform whilst explaining what I'd managed to get for her. She then says she doesn't have the money as she wouldn't get paid until Monday! Well what could I do? I had already handed the uniform over, I had stupidly paid for it out of my own money and now she wasn't going to pay me back until next week! She claimed she hadn't been home all day so hadn't got my message.

I'm now thinking that I will never see that money again and I am kicking myself for being such a fool! The money I had saved by buying second hand has just been wiped out by this woman. I am so very very stupid!

OP posts:
DontCallMePeanut · 22/07/2011 23:05

Ohh, Rhubarb, don't beat yourself up about it. :( I don't have any advice atm (would be a hypocrite if I did)

She might keep to her word and pay you back Monday. Please don't assume she won't quite yet.

honeyandsalt · 22/07/2011 23:13

See if you can get your overdraft extended for the weekend, and when you see her just be straight and say that she put you in a tight spot. She should apologise then (and if she doesn't, at least you know her true colours..)

Anyway, it was lovely of you to get the kid's uniform, and she is of course bang out of order.

snippywoo2 · 22/07/2011 23:23

All I can say is lesson learnt, don't fall for it again always get the money up front. Put your own family first and don't fall for sob stories. You said she was short of cash then later in the thread you said you were also, so why were you subbing her. You've got to toughen up, its her job to look after her kid not yours money wise. If she doesn't work there are grants to help pay for uniforms.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/07/2011 23:30

i consider myself soft but there is no way on gods earth i would have paid out of my own pocket for the uniform of another child whose mother i am barely aquainted with.

lesson learnt - make sure you get the money back on Monday - go round and ask for it. If she doesnt give you it back tell her you will need the uniform back and explain to the school the predicament you found yourself in, they may refund the money?

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 23/07/2011 07:23

Are you going to say anything if when she gives you the money?

StealthPolarBear · 23/07/2011 07:32

OP YANBU - if you ask someone to pick something up for you, you pay them straight away, unless there is agreement otherwise.

redwineformethanks · 23/07/2011 11:39

I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

You agreed to collect uniform on her behalf. Without payment the school wouldn't release the uniform. You collected it on Friday and she will give you the money on Monday. If she gives you the money on Monday, I'd accept it with a smile and not make it into a big issue

JIRkids · 23/07/2011 11:48

Sounds like she will pay you. However, it is extremely rude of her to assume that you have enough money to tide you through the weekend until she finally gets paid. In future just refuse to do this kind of thing unless you are paid upfront.

CurrySpice · 23/07/2011 12:56

OP you sound like a lovely kind soul and I'm sorry she has taken advantage of that :(

skybluepearl · 23/07/2011 13:55

you could have said you didn't have enough money to pay for his uniform and left it at school

i agree you do sound like a lovely soul but please don't be taken advantage of. i think the mum was a bit rude expecting you to cough up the money

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 23/07/2011 14:05

Yanbu.... BUT you shouldn't have handed the uniform over until you got the money.

I have a friend who was always 'paying back later' which would be months down the line, used to drive me fucking nuts.

ZacharyQuack · 24/07/2011 01:49

You are a softie, but also lovely and kind.

I hope you get your money back quickly and this all ends well.

takethisonehereforastart · 25/07/2011 12:11

Has she paid you back yet? Or have you heard from her to say she's got the money today and will call with it later?

Chipotle · 25/07/2011 19:20

I've been wondering that too. It's very unfair for you to be out of pocket. Sad

LynetteScavo · 25/07/2011 19:24

I bet she doesn't think you need the money over the weekend, and can wait for her to pay you.

Have you asked her for the money today? I don't see why she wouldn't pay you back.

TheJiminyConjecture · 25/07/2011 19:26

Any news?

Hope DD had a great birthday Grin

WinkyWinkola · 25/07/2011 19:28

Too too kind of you to do this. And I know that feeling when someone has taken advantage of you. It's infuriating.

It's very hard to say no when someone asks for help, seems needy etc but is organised and savvy enough to phone the school To tell them you'll be paying and picking up the uniform.

But at least now you know and can avoid future situations like this.

Get that money back though. It's really bad she's not given it back straightaway. I take it there was no mention of THAT when she asked you to pick up and pay? Quite out of order.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 25/07/2011 20:00

did she pay up .

RunAwayWife · 25/07/2011 20:15

Update????

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 25/07/2011 20:29

Sorry, been at MIL's for dd's birthday and just got back to discover that instead of switching the TV off at the socket as we always do when we go away, dh had left it switched on and switched the phone off at the socket instead! Have checked on 1571 and no messages but not sure if it will pick them up with the phone being switched off. Been back since 3pm and no word. I will call her tomorrow and say that I'm round her way, which I will be shopping, and can call round to pick the money up.

We have just been given some money by MIL to pay towards dd's uniform and anything else that she needs so tbh, if this woman fobs me off I'm just going to leave it. Her son has learning difficulties and I would never see a child without, so she can consider it a gift if she likes but of course I will make a point of avoiding her from now on and never, under any circumstances, will I lend anyone money or pay for anything up front again.

Thanks for some of the lovely posts. Smile

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 25/07/2011 20:37

you are too soft :)
Will you be my friend?

nojustificationneeded · 25/07/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 25/07/2011 20:47

Dear fucking god has the woman no shame.

I am truly disgusted.

ThatVikRinA22 · 25/07/2011 21:09

I wouldn't leave it OP! There is being kind and there is being a mug! I would keep asking, why on earth should you pay? It might have been different if she had said from the start that she didn't have the cash but to let you pay, take it and then not pay is shameful and I think it would make my blood boil! I used to be just like you, and I often do things, like buy elderly neighbours some shopping and refuse payment, but it's choice! This lady has duped you! I'd be cross....

alemci · 25/07/2011 21:19

I don't blame you for being annoyed. I hope she pays you back. It is really awful of her to let you go to all that trouble and put yourself out for her and then not have the money.

I am sure she will pay you back but make you feel like she is doing you the favour. Steer clear of her in future.

Swipe left for the next trending thread