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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of people get financial help from their parents in order to get onto the property ladder?

145 replies

DarlingDuck · 20/07/2011 19:23

I often wonder about this. I know friends who are in their late 30's early 40's who have managed it themselves but everyone I know who is any younger has either been helped out financially by their parents or been bought a flat/house outright. AIBU to think the majority of people under 35 are helped out?

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 20/07/2011 21:54

Every one of our friends who has bought has had help from parents.

Every one we know who rents hasn't.

MellowBirds · 20/07/2011 22:05

YANBU, I did, but like others, had to wait till someone died Sad Very sad not to have ever been able to have my dad round for dinner in my own place. But very, very grateful to get away from renting

LDNmummy · 20/07/2011 22:10

My DH and I are being helped out. We live in London and it would be years (maybe over a decade) before we could do it alone with the way things are. We are lucky to have the help.

LDNmummy · 20/07/2011 22:12

As a person in her 20's and starting her 'adult life', I don't know anyone in my age range who can do it alone and many of my friends either live at home (in almost all cases) or have to rent.

dexter73 · 20/07/2011 22:28

I didn't feel beholden to my parents when they gave us the money. It was given freely with no strings attached and they offered it to us as they really wanted to help us and could easily afford to give us (and my brother) the money. I accepted it and think they would have felt sad if we hadn't as they felt they were doing a good thing. I would like to help my dd too when she is older if we are able to.

catpark · 20/07/2011 22:47

I'm 32 and my husband is 30 and we bought our first flat 10 years ago. We didn't get any help from either parents unless you count the cooker my mum bought us and the freezer PIL bought us ! We have moved twice since then and each time we have worked hard and saved to move etc. Ours friends are similar ages and they didn't get help with deposits from parents either.

cunexttuesonline · 20/07/2011 22:56

I am 27 and DH and I bought our first house together 5 years ago. We didn't have parental help with buying the actual house, but we did get help in the form of furniture. We did this by having a 100% mortgage. Lovely stuff.

Linnet · 20/07/2011 23:25

Dh and I bought our house 3 years ago and we had no financial input from any of our families. FIL did offer to help us out but then never mentioned it again, although he'd ask us about the buying process and how we were geeting along with it all etc and we didn't like to ask about the money he had offered so that didn't happen.

Of all our friends there is only one friend who has bought a house and he lives abroad and earns masses of money. Everyone else rents.

Laquitar · 20/07/2011 23:45

We have many friends and dh's cousins who were not given deposits. They were given free mortgage houses. Some of them 2 or 3!
I just lack the gene of envy. My parents just didn't have money and thats not their fault. They gave me and my db plenty love.
Does it bother you OP?

threefeethighandrising · 20/07/2011 23:58

My Grandad left me 10K in his will, and my parents helped out, and they helped my sister too. I am very grateful to them as it wouldn't have been a possibility otherwise.

FairPhyllis · 21/07/2011 00:40

I am 29 and everyone I know my age (or younger!) who has bought a place has had help. Mostly this has been in the form of getting a chunk of inheritance from grandparents.

lachesis · 21/07/2011 01:08

What Laquitar said.

lachesis · 21/07/2011 01:10

I can't say if I were ever given a large sum of money I'd ever buy anything here, tbh. It is a very over-priced for what you get, IME, quite a rip-off for the most part.

madhattershouse · 21/07/2011 01:12

I don't own a property but without my parents help, guarentors, I could not even rent!!! Blush.

Morloth · 21/07/2011 01:17

I don't know anyone who has had help, but to be fair we don't really discuss finances in that sort of depth with friends and are on the very edge of the age group you mention. I am 34 and DH is 36.

I have no idea what I will do when the boys grow up, they will never be homeless while I am alive but I am not sure I would help them buy a house.

UntitledNo2 · 21/07/2011 01:57

I have 5 friends who own, and they have all had help from their parents (as in, deposits). I doubt any of them would now own a house, if it wasn't for the parental assistance. It will be a long, long time before DP and I can buy a house - he works (mostly) freelance, and I was made redundant last year, am working again, but still getting back on our feet. My parents could afford to help us out with a deposit, but they definitely will not - they were both brought up poor, earned every penny of their money themselves, and believe in working your arse off to achieve.

I don't have a problem with this (despite being mildly envious of the friends who have had help buying houses). My folks are happy to bring us on holiday, buy us Christmas gifts, etc (as they are luxuries, which my parents can now afford), but they firmly believe in making your own way, etc. DP and I rent, which has it's own benefits - if the washing machine floods, if the oven goes tits up, the landlord fixes it. If we do ever buy, it will be through saving our own butts off. I'm glad my folks now have money to enjoy themselves (and treat us, as they wish), but I would never expect them to help us buy a home. They would never dream of doing so, anyway.

Tortington · 21/07/2011 02:00

my mum helped massively when she died Grin

wordfactory · 21/07/2011 09:04

untitled I must admit to finding that compleley astonishing.

DH and I were both brought up very poor and have had to make our way in the world. Sadly our parents could not help out at all.

But when it comes to my own DC I will do everything I can to help. I just couldn't sit back and watch them struggle. The idea that to do so will make them better people seems so very odd to me. And it also conveniently ignores the fact that getting onto the property ladder was much easier until relatively recently, that the cost of living was lower, that there was more employment and tertiary eductaion was free.

But hats off to you for not being resentful.

SkelleyBones · 21/07/2011 09:13

My mother is of the same opinion, plans to blow every penny before she dies which makes me a bit peeved because her own mother never had a pot to piss in, had 6 children on her own but still left my mum something, it was only enough to buy a three piece suite but I can still remember it arriving and how delighted my mum was with it.

wordfactory · 21/07/2011 09:17

skelley that uis just wierd I think.

My Mum will do her dmandest to leave us her little house, even though we patently don't need the money. It's a pride thing for her.

As for me, I intend to enjoy my retirement but I simply couldn't enjoy it if my own DC didn't have the advantages I had which were to leave tertiary education without debt abd ti be able to get onto the property ladder.

flowery · 21/07/2011 09:24

We never had any help but you could get 100% mortgages fairly easily a while ago as another poster said. No way we could have saved a deposit for years and prices were going up and up making it more and more out of reach. I hope to be able to help my DC when the time comes.

frans · 21/07/2011 09:28

I managed to get a 100% mortgage 8 years ago when I was 25, I'd spent the two years prior to that saving hard for all the related expenses.

Quenelle · 21/07/2011 09:32

I expect you're probably right. Many young people couldn't get on the property ladder these days without some help.

I don't see anything wrong with it. In many cases they're just getting their inheritance early. If it were me I wouldn't let my parents go without in their retirement for the sake of me owning a house though.

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 09:32

We weren't helped, we just bought at the right time and sold it on for much more than we paid for it then moved to a cheaper area.

I have just inherited quite a substantial amount of money from a close member of my family who died recently - it will be put away for ds for a deposit for a house for him/car etc.

We have friends who have bought their first house recently and I was horrified when they told me how much of a deposit they had to put down!

yellowsubmarine41 · 21/07/2011 09:34

I agree with the poster who said that it's more about age/timing rather than whether people have 'worked hard and saved'.

We live in a very undesirable part of a major city in a house that's too small for us (though am grateful to have a house or indeed anywhere secure to live).

My dp is a higher rate tax payer, I work pt and am not badly paid. My dp bought a flat in 2002, and we used the equity and my savings for a deposit on this place in 2005.

There's no way we'd be able to buy here now. On the other hand, if we'd have been in a position to buy 5 or 10 years earlier, we'd have been able to get something much bigger in a 'better' area.

Quite happy with my lot, though, because I know plenty of people in dire housing situations.

And to answer OP, I don't know anyone who has bought property without some sort of financial help either an inheritance, loan or gift (DP inherited £20,000 which paid his first deposit).